Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
i am so sick of all of this, yes the past month has been nice and quiet and of course he's back now, telling me the laundry needs to be done, the house is a mess when are you going to clean it, mean while he is home all day every day and does mostly nothing. He can't even take out the can bag, instead decides to put empty cans on the stove because the bin is full, wth. Seriously, just irritating, grow the fuck up, and be a man. So i thought, well he is doing so good lately and just kind of put leaving on the back burner and decided to see how it would go, never the less disappointed again. Its always the same thing, i never do enough, or need to get in shape so i have more energy to do things around the house, i have had major work done on my teeth done in the past month and the pain has been tremendous, he was understanding when the pain was excruciating but now that we figured out the problem, now back to same old same old, I don't have any shirts to wear in my closet, he says. So what I don't either but guess what i have done some laundry just haven't gotten it put away and he just wont pick clothes out of a basket to wear, they are folded mind you. He says he would do laundry if i took it all down to the basement but why can't he, nobody takes it down for me or puts it away for me, its always me having to do everything. Take care of him like he's a child, I have a child he's a 8 year old and i expect to take care of him but not a grown man, I didn't marry a child and didn't expect to have to take care of a grown man, my momma taught me how to be self sufficient, and he says that he has done so much work growing up for chores around his house, he shouldn't have to do them now, REALLY, REALLY???!! No just expect your wife to do everything for you, cook, clean, laundry, take care of everything and then some. I can't take this much more, counseling at the womens center is not helping, talking to friends and family isn't helping anymore, I just am so fed up I don't even know what to do or where to start, please some one just rescue me. I though even know thats not possible, its all up to me, as usual. Maybe I'm riding the pity train today Idk, but i'm just so lost, tired, confused, annoyed, with him and myself, and i know i should take it easy on myself but this is totally sickening, Im sure you all know what i mean.
You all have been such great help, it seems this is the only place that I feel comfortable to be able to express my true feelings and know you all have been there and your advice means the world to me. It's just that I'm starting to feel like maybe he's not so bad and I just don't do enough around the house and maybe i am just the lazy wife, granted i don't do what i use to but thats because i am so depressed and anxiety ridden i do not have energy to do anything, just enough to take care of my son and get out of bed and go to work because its my only escape.
You all have been such great help, it seems this is the only place that I feel comfortable to be able to express my true feelings and know you all have been there and your advice means the world to me. It's just that I'm starting to feel like maybe he's not so bad and I just don't do enough around the house and maybe i am just the lazy wife, granted i don't do what i use to but thats because i am so depressed and anxiety ridden i do not have energy to do anything, just enough to take care of my son and get out of bed and go to work because its my only escape.
I'm sorry the counseling at the women's shelter isn't helping. I had a recent experience w/a women's shelter where it appeared that the staff was seriously dysfunctional. I suspect that this happens in more shelters than we realize because they are overworked, understaffed and underfunded.
Do you have access to other therapists? If you don't have ins or can't afford one, please check w/your city/county mental health center. Also call private therapists & ask if they see people on a sliding scale basis. Some will. You really need to see someone who understands the affect of abuse & can help you to rebuild your self esteem & self worth.
In addition to therapy, have you considered checking out the CODA (codependents anonymous) groups in your area? They can be helpful w/support & learning how to set boundaries.
There's a good book, Breaking Free of the Victim Trap, that you might want to check out.
Big hugs!
MyTrueColors is right, he won't change. It gets so frustrating, that he can't even pick up his own stuff. Well good luck and hopefully things will get better, one way or another.
My ex was the same in the last year. He quit his job but still couldn't do any housework at all. If the rubbish bin in the kitchen was full, he'd just hang a bag on the outside of a cupboard door and fill that. If that got full, he'd hang a 2nd one. He couldn't even take his plates or cups from the lounge room to the kitchen. If he spilled something, he'd just leave it. Meanwhile, I was working, taking care of a baby, and dong absolutely everything around the house. And I was afraid of leaving him because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to cope as a single mother. What a joke! Single parent isn't a walk in the park, but it's SO much easier than dealing with a lazy SOB who can do nothing but complain about how their "partner" (ie slave) hasn't performed adequately.
Please do try to find an alternative therapist if the one you are seeing isn't helping. You need help to rebuilt your sense of worth, to know without a shadow of a doubt that you are NOT some guy's slave, that what he's doing to you and the way he's treating you is NOT ok and that you do NOT have to put up with it.