Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have to appear in court on Friday for the Restraining order he placed on me. Honestly I have been doing great. Got my son into a court ordered program....my home is peaceful. I can't remember the last time I had a weekend with no drama.
Today I have to work on the RO. I'm almost hyperventilating at the thought of seeing him. I know its going to stir up emotions and feelings I don't want.
I think I have a solid case. But there are two issues I need advice on.
1) When I filed the police report about all the strange happenings here...I text him and said I know its you harassing me. I am filing a report and asking to have you arrested. He is claiming I sent that to harass him. I regret texting him, but got so tired of having my tires slashed...my front door wide open when I got home...my plants kicked all over...I just reacted.
2) He is stating that I am threatening his family. I NEVER EVER threatened his family. BUT....and this to me is huge....He told me about a very serious crime his daughter committed. Something now he is afraid I will report. So this is an attempt to shut me up about it. I know the judge is going to ask why he is stating I am threatening his family. I am not going to lie to a judge and just say nothing. His daughter can go to jail for at least 7 years. She wrote an enormous amount of extremely strong pain pills to herself. She had a heroin addiction and was selling them for money. This judge is a family court judge. I am not sure she will take me serious, but I have proof. I don't want her to go to jail. I don't want to hurt her. I cared about her. He is the one putting me in this position.
3) He has also committed a crime. He wouldn't go to jail...but would have to pay a very large sum of money back. He has for seven years filed a fraudulent tax return to get a large refund. So in essence he is cheating the government and that's never good.
So now where my dilemma is...is that he is saying I am trying to bully him to sign off on the deed of the house. I have an attorney handling that. I'm printing everything I have to take with me. In bullying he means holding these things over his head.
It seems to me HE is putting me in a position of shutting up or saying the truth. I feel he wants to hurt me so bad he can't see the harm he is creating to himself or his daughter. How am I suppose to defend myself in court if I don't speak the truth?
Just a reminder I took my RO out as soon as he got physical. He took his out the day after I filed a police report which was two months after mine. He never showed up at his appearance date for my RO and I was granted a permanent one.
Clearly he is acting out of spite.
Any thoughts?
Today I have to work on the RO. I'm almost hyperventilating at the thought of seeing him. I know its going to stir up emotions and feelings I don't want.
I think I have a solid case. But there are two issues I need advice on.
1) When I filed the police report about all the strange happenings here...I text him and said I know its you harassing me. I am filing a report and asking to have you arrested. He is claiming I sent that to harass him. I regret texting him, but got so tired of having my tires slashed...my front door wide open when I got home...my plants kicked all over...I just reacted.
2) He is stating that I am threatening his family. I NEVER EVER threatened his family. BUT....and this to me is huge....He told me about a very serious crime his daughter committed. Something now he is afraid I will report. So this is an attempt to shut me up about it. I know the judge is going to ask why he is stating I am threatening his family. I am not going to lie to a judge and just say nothing. His daughter can go to jail for at least 7 years. She wrote an enormous amount of extremely strong pain pills to herself. She had a heroin addiction and was selling them for money. This judge is a family court judge. I am not sure she will take me serious, but I have proof. I don't want her to go to jail. I don't want to hurt her. I cared about her. He is the one putting me in this position.
3) He has also committed a crime. He wouldn't go to jail...but would have to pay a very large sum of money back. He has for seven years filed a fraudulent tax return to get a large refund. So in essence he is cheating the government and that's never good.
So now where my dilemma is...is that he is saying I am trying to bully him to sign off on the deed of the house. I have an attorney handling that. I'm printing everything I have to take with me. In bullying he means holding these things over his head.
It seems to me HE is putting me in a position of shutting up or saying the truth. I feel he wants to hurt me so bad he can't see the harm he is creating to himself or his daughter. How am I suppose to defend myself in court if I don't speak the truth?
Just a reminder I took my RO out as soon as he got physical. He took his out the day after I filed a police report which was two months after mine. He never showed up at his appearance date for my RO and I was granted a permanent one.
Clearly he is acting out of spite.
Any thoughts?
You have evidence from what you have told us here that hehas harmed you and that is your case.
Trust your conversation with other people who are not like him. It will be easier for you to communicate.
Bearing that in mind, I'm not at all sure a judge will want to know why he is saying you are threatening his family. The judge will want to know WHETHER you are, but not why he's saying you are. The judge will likely be far more interested in what the threat is. What's he going to say? "She's threatening to tell people about the serious crime my daughter committed and about my tax fraud, and that's SO not fair". I'm not trying to make light of your very real and valid fears, but the reality is that the judge is going to be more interested in asking him what the threats are than in asking you what you might want to threaten him with. Saying that, be prepared, have whatever documentation you need to back up your truth if he does try to pull a double bluff and say you are threatening things that aren't true - but it will be he who raises the crimes, not you.
Then the text. It is what it is - your reaction was not out of the ordinary. Not the best choice in hindsight, but completely understandable. Be open and honest about the fact you sent it and why. Think also about what he's saying. On the one hand (from a previous post) he's saying that someone you co-opted pretended to be a police officer to lie to him and tell him you filed a police report. And now he's saying you harassed him by sending him a text telling him you were going to file the police report he says you got a friend to pretend you then filed. Except you did file a police report. So his story falls very flat.
I know this stuff is really scary. He lies as easily and smoothly as he breathes. But his stories don't work together and he's now coming up before a professional lie detector - someone whose job every day involves constantly trying to figure out who's lying. Be honest (not that I'm suggesting you wouldn't be), show your strength. His stories will come unravelled.
If it were me, I would speak my truth, backing it up with any proof I have. I'm betting your proof will outweigh anything he brings to court.
As for #1. You're a human being. You have an RO against him for being violent. I would hope the court would understand it's sadly, a normal reaction.
As for #s 2 & 3, whatever happens to him and his daughter because you spoke your truth is THEIR responsibility, NOT YOURS! They did what they did. THEY are accountable, not you. They put you in this position. Why should you protect them just to suffer for their actions any more than you already have?
If possible, I would bring a friend/family member (s) to court with me for moral support. And I would make every effort to not make eye contact with him or even look his way whenever possible.
I have the police report with the officers name and badge # clearly shown. I spoke to the officer and told him he served me with a RO because he claims he doesn't exist. He said if the report isn't enough, have the judge call him and he will come in and testify.
I have three letters to him my attorney sent with no response. He claims no contact with me has been made on his part. I printed my call log to show them as incoming from his phone. One for 37 mins on the day he says I'm holding the RO over his head and blackmailing him to sign it. I have my earlier text to him outlining the terms I was asking for. That's when he called me to say send him the contact. I text him an hour after that to say my attorney will be sending you the contact Monday and I'm glad that we can settle this and walk away peacefully. I wished him well and said I hope you find happiness. (not really lol)
The day after I sent the contract my tires were slashed. I have the receipts for the new tires I had to purchase. So theres proof.
I have a print out that is public on his daughter please guilty to selling pills to an under cover Nar Cop. So there is the start of the proof. In my state any doctor can look up how many scripts someone who and to who.
I have photos of my hand sliced and the wooden tray throw on the floor after it hit me with his drink splattered on the floor. I have two texts to his daughters timed about five mins after the occurrence to say please help me. Your father just hit me and I don't want to get him arrested. I should have at that point....but still had feelings.
I can only prove tax fraud if I were to file knowing he did it. He has a company car and a gas credit card. He filed that he used his own car for work and claims 15000 miles and gas. Easily proven. Stupid.
I cant see this judge (same as I had) being anyones fool. My first thought if I were her is that this is just one more case of him trying to hurt me.
So I do think I am well covered. I never threatened to harm anyone physically. If his other daughter things I was unstable...I have pictures of me babysitting her newborn and two year old. So that's a crock too.
And I am probably overthinking all this...but I don't trust him and I would rather be prepared then surprised and screwed.
I have letters from my family stating on several occasions they saw him intoxicated and nasty to me. Also one night my married son was watching football with him and he started on my son grabbing my sons crotch saying come on admit it your gay...you like this. My son wanted to punch him, but walked away a man. It went on for an hour. I felt so terrible for my son. I have a letter from my son stating that.
I think because I am very close to my son he was trying to alienate us. It didn't work. My sons come before anyone and anything.