Oh confused I'm so sorry and oh how I can relate. Some days you rejoice and others I would love to hear his voice say it will be OK. In other things he could do that and make me feel better but not in our relationship. Im so glad I found this group. Hopefully soon we will be as strong as these ppl are. Hang in there!

Hugs

Volley

Hi Confused,

I can feel so clearly what you are going through right now... All of the big changes... From living your life together to being on your own, not to mention letting go of someone you truly loved.

The issues underlying abuse never go away as simply as just leaving your abuser. It is about leaving behind a lifestyle and conditioning that, for many of us, is all we have ever known. It is facing this unknown that makes clinging to the familiar so appealing.

One step at a time... We are all here for you, to love and support you, no matter what you do, how you feel, ect.

I can so relate. I'm grieving too. I know its part of the process after his abuse. Now I see him with someone else the day after I moved out she moved in. They got engaged a month later. I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride.

I have my really good days...and my really bad ones. I just keep doing like everyone on here says to do. Self care and therapy. Some days I feel like I have made no progress. I know its only because I too want the pain to just go away and be done with it already. But I know I made progress. I left him. That's progress for me. I made the decision that being treated like crap isn't something I would tolerate anymore. So we should pat ourselves on the back for knowing we deserve so much better then that.

One thing I am grateful for is that I am not looking for a band aid to put on my wound. He turned right to another to not deal with life. I will be selective now in my friendships...toxic family members...and when ready a healthy man (if there are any). In the past I wouldn't have cared much. So progress must be taking place.

I just wish my heart and head would come together and team up a little faster.

Hugs!!!!!!!!!

Thank you everyone! Your words make me cry but also give me hope. Just want this pain to go away. Hate the damn "what if" game my mind is playing even though I know the answer.

The grief process, just like any other process in life isn't linear. What's most important during the process is the express your feelings. Grief unexpressed only goes inward and causes all kinds of physical, emotional & spiritual issues. It's so important to express grief outwardly (mourning) because it allows you to move thru the pain and heal. It might help to find a local grief group where you can meet w/people who are also in the grief process.

Another helpful thing is to use your DS journal where friends can leave you comments of support.

It is important to allow yourself to feel whatever feelings you feel. Don't question or judge them, just feel them. By doing that, they will start dissipating over time. Cry, yell, scream, moan, swear, sing, dance, etc...whatever you feel like doing. By doing that you're moving the feelings up and out instead of down and in where they would stay and create havoc.

And remember that the stages of grief don't necessarily happen in order, nor do they happen just once. Some repeat themselves and some happen more than one at a time.

Another thing you can do is write a good bye letter. But do NOT give it to him. Write out all that you will miss and all that you won't miss. When you feel it's complete, burn it. You might even, at some point, want to have some sort of good bye ceremony where you burn the letter, sort of like a funeral. You might have to do this more than once. That's ok. do it as many times as you need to. It's very cathartic.

Big hugs to you, confused.