I am so sorry you are suffering like this. Based on my experience, it is completely normal to have times when it gets harder to deal with the emotions from an abusive relationship, even years after it ends. What I do when things get really bad is to try to do at least one really really nice thing for myself. And then, when I feel a tiny bit better, I try to keep that energy flowing in a positive direction.

Somebody broke your heart with their abuse and it hurts and it is natural that the emotions are not in order.
The body and the mind remember the trauma and when they have some stimulant that triggers them it could result into nightmares.
My trick is to create a small space between the trigger and my emotions and tell myself something like: Everything is okay you are safe.
I remember you asked advice for therapy and I hope you have taken the steps to go there.
And the most important thing is to give yourself time and be kind to yourself.

Oh my god, I had those days - too many to want to remember. Our feelings engulf us and no matter how we long for peace it doesn't come - not right away. Words offer little solace, but I can promise it does get better. I never thought I would want to live, let alone smile again, but it does gradually happen. It is natural, when we hurt so incredibly bad, to just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I feel that way now. People are just so cruel, or apathetic. It seems as if you're sitting there screaming and the world walks by unseeing. Can't they see the pain in my eyes? Don't they know a kind word or a hug might bring me back away from the cliff? Are we really so caught up in our own narcissistic world we fail to recognize when others need us? You can and will grow stronger - it's inevitable. The emotional roller coaster will eventually stop and you will wonder why did I ever waste precious time on that a##hole.....unfortunately, our dreams haunt us. We can't control them, and we replay our anxieties in them sometimes. We sleep, yet wake exhausted. I promise, it will get better. If only I could take my own advice :)

Thank you all for your kind words, I was just having one of those bad evenings :(. It is just becoming physically draining, people cant see because I appear fine on the outside. I dont really have the space to have a good cry and let it all out, and I am scared if I do that it will never end.
My councellor said the questionnaire does not really show any depression in me, I think that's because it is so deep within. Suppose we learn to hide most things during the time we are in the abusive relationship.
Disi22, I emailed uk womens aid, but they never got back to me :(. I know I should phone them, just trying to pluck up the courage, and it has to be when no kids around. I just feel as if there is so much to do, trying to get divorce started, and making sure we can stay in the home, and sort out the money side.
Its funny how they are the abusers, the ones to have affairs and lie, yet we are the ones not only left with the scars, but with all the problems to sort out. Feel like my brain is going to pop, with all the stress.
I was with him 22 years, and I'm scared the damage is irreversible, I am becoming bitter and resentful.

Your recovery is not delayed. If I understood correctly and you are still legally married to this person, it makes sense to still feel these raw emotions and have nightmares.
The reason why I mentioned therapy again is because the specialized therapy for recovery from abuse helped me to see the resources I have in me to deal with this situation. And this is something you will need.
But first of all it should provide a safe place to process your emotions.
Scarclan wrote about recovery being like the pealing an onion, so beneath the damage there is a new tissue.

We have been separated 4 years, but he still pays towards the house, and I have to see him because of the children. I am feeling much calmer today :) Thanks for being there. At the moment this site is my safe place to process emotions. Everyone is so understanding here. I will keep on trying to find somewhere that I can get abuse therapy.