It's tough leaving! But if you left because of verbal abuse, and when you explain that to him you get verbal abuse...well, that's all he seems to be capable of giving!

Abusers almost always act like the victim. It's not you. If he really is hurting he's doing it to himself.

Have you read "Why Does He Do That?" (EXCELLENT book if you haven't). There is a line in it that took me a while to understand. "He's not abusive because he is angry, he is angry because he is abusive." In other words, whatever feelings he has actually come from his own abusive behavior. It starts with his behavior, and that behavior comes from his beliefs. Until he changes his beliefs nothing will change, and his beliefs are not your fault or responsibility!

Having doubts about our decision is part and parcel of leaving an abusive relationship. When you get some perspective you will look back and realize just how abusive the situation was, even though now you tend to downplay it in your mind. I encourage you to stick to your guns and don't be fooled by any kind of sweetness or niceness on the part of your ex because this is a very common behavior that these guys use to draw their partner back in, after which he will quickly return to his old ways.

I did it and you can do it too!

Thank you both @ooooo and @enaid,

I will definitely have to check that book out (I'll order it on Amazon shortly). I know this was the right thing for me. I need to love myself. Especially for my son as well, I cannot have him see that and think that is how to treat other people. My husband is trying anything and everything to make me feel bad and it is so hurtful, but you are right. I can overcome this.

Verbal abuse is never right and you didn't do anything to deserve it. You are right to feel the way you do and to allow some space between you and your husband right now. Is your husband willing to go to counseling with you? My husband and I went through a very rough time where he was abusing alcohol and he was verbally and physically abusing me. I did create space and separated from him. He was able to get counseling and support to combat his addiction and our marriage is very good now. If he is not willing to go to a counselor I would suggest you go for yourself. You could use some support and a counselor can help you set healthy boundaries. I am sorry you are going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

@Pamela8888 we did try counseling some time ago but it became expensive for us. A big problem is that he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. I can't force him to fix what he cannot see...

You are not making the wrong choice girl! always follow your heart, in these situations its very hard to refuse someone who you used to love and could even still love. You have to remember you are the most important person in you life, and you always have to take care of yourself first. Emotionally, physically, mentally, it is so important to be mindful of yourself. You have to know you can not force anyone to change, he will change if that is something he wants to do. you can only take the steps to improve yourself and your life. find your road to happiness and if he decides to join or he is capable of changing to join then that is great, but if he is still non-stop bringing you down and making you feel that you are not enough then you should really think about removing yourself from the situation completely. all your choice to happiness.