Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
A bit over twenty years ago
there was a movie called,
"Ground Hog Day."
(I didn't write the
following summary.)
Phil, a weatherman, is out to cover the annual emergence of the groundhog from its hole. He gets caught in a blizzard that he didn't predict and finds himself trapped in a time warp. He is doomed to relive the same day over and over again until he gets it right.
On the surface, the movie
is a romantic comedy
about a guy who starts
out being burned out and
kind of mean. He finds life
meaningless and boring.
Then he discovers that a
person he already knows,
is a sweet and desirable
woman. Suddenly he wishes
he could attain her affection
but she already knows him
as being a jaded, unfriendly
person.
Since Phil is stuck in
this magical time warp,
and finds himself
reliving the same
unsatisfying day
over and over,
(the same as many of
us who are not stuck in
his magical timewarp
do). . . . . he decides
to try to do things
differently.
At first, he changes
strictly superficial behaviors.
The woman he desires
quickly sees through
these B.S. attempts at
finding her favor and
continues to reject him.
But then he somehow
realizes that he needs to
truly care about and connect
with others on a genuine and
human level.
When he begins to do this,
and not just to get the sweet
woman's attention, but because
he finds satisfaction in supporting
his fellow human beings, she
sees the previously jaded and
superficial guy has undergone
a metamorphis and . . . . . . . .
Apart from this being a
really sweet, eventually
romantically satisfiying
movie, it's fundamentally
another version of
"the hero's journey."
I felt compelled to talk
about it today (on
Ground Hog Day),
because if each of
us who is in some
manner "stuck" in
our individual
place of dissatisfaction
could find the path to
connecting with either
our own humanity or
the humanity of others
(whichever inspires the
most motivation to start
to make changes), we
might be able to take
the first "baby steps"
toward a more satisfying
future, certainly at least,
gettin UNstuck and
moving in the direction
of a happier life.
For starters, see if
you can find the movie
and just enjoy it. After
that, find a way to practice
some small act of self-care,
today and every day in your
future. This may sound
selfish but ultimately,
when we understand
how to truly love our life
we naturally begin to
spread that goodness
all around us.
Sending out love
and wishes for
strength and
happiness, to
all who are
reading this.
Change (within
our self) is
possible. It
begins with love.
there was a movie called,
"Ground Hog Day."
(I didn't write the
following summary.)
Phil, a weatherman, is out to cover the annual emergence of the groundhog from its hole. He gets caught in a blizzard that he didn't predict and finds himself trapped in a time warp. He is doomed to relive the same day over and over again until he gets it right.
On the surface, the movie
is a romantic comedy
about a guy who starts
out being burned out and
kind of mean. He finds life
meaningless and boring.
Then he discovers that a
person he already knows,
is a sweet and desirable
woman. Suddenly he wishes
he could attain her affection
but she already knows him
as being a jaded, unfriendly
person.
Since Phil is stuck in
this magical time warp,
and finds himself
reliving the same
unsatisfying day
over and over,
(the same as many of
us who are not stuck in
his magical timewarp
do). . . . . he decides
to try to do things
differently.
At first, he changes
strictly superficial behaviors.
The woman he desires
quickly sees through
these B.S. attempts at
finding her favor and
continues to reject him.
But then he somehow
realizes that he needs to
truly care about and connect
with others on a genuine and
human level.
When he begins to do this,
and not just to get the sweet
woman's attention, but because
he finds satisfaction in supporting
his fellow human beings, she
sees the previously jaded and
superficial guy has undergone
a metamorphis and . . . . . . . .
Apart from this being a
really sweet, eventually
romantically satisfiying
movie, it's fundamentally
another version of
"the hero's journey."
I felt compelled to talk
about it today (on
Ground Hog Day),
because if each of
us who is in some
manner "stuck" in
our individual
place of dissatisfaction
could find the path to
connecting with either
our own humanity or
the humanity of others
(whichever inspires the
most motivation to start
to make changes), we
might be able to take
the first "baby steps"
toward a more satisfying
future, certainly at least,
gettin UNstuck and
moving in the direction
of a happier life.
For starters, see if
you can find the movie
and just enjoy it. After
that, find a way to practice
some small act of self-care,
today and every day in your
future. This may sound
selfish but ultimately,
when we understand
how to truly love our life
we naturally begin to
spread that goodness
all around us.
Sending out love
and wishes for
strength and
happiness, to
all who are
reading this.
Change (within
our self) is
possible. It
begins with love.
In addition to what you said, I believe that the more we love ourselves and believe that we deserve love, the more we will attract loving people. And, the more we love ourselves and treat ouselves with extreme self care, the more we will be able to recognize toxic & abusive people and the better able we will be to say NO at the get-go.
There's a great book called The Art of Extreme Self Care by Cheryl Richardson.
It's an easy read. Each chapter is just a few pages and its designed to do/read a chapter a month. Or it be read all at once or skip to the chapter that's the most appealing.
My favorite chapter is called "Let Me Disappoint You." :-)
I think about this with my mother too. What do overs would she have liked to have had...quite a few I'm thinking.
So often the things that trap us are incomprehensible to outsiders. Standard advice "just quit". As if that works. Public education has changed attitudes about alcohol, but staying with abuse...not so much. Yet it's ties to our souls are about 100 times as deep (my opinion).
This isn't rocket science. The biology of attachment is as basic to live as it gets.
Hugs to all. Be good to yourself today. If for no other reason than to make some internet stranger feel like she made a difference, and I'll do it back...just to make you know that you matter too.