Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Im out of my abusive relationship but still having problems and him and I dont even talk anymore. I havent talked to him since
August. Well on thanksgiving I decided to send a happy thanksgiving from our son. Well I get a text message from his girlfreind saying.
"This is not C's phone anymore this is his wife (there not married bitch dont even have a ring).So I would appreciate it if you would not call my phone anymore. So I told her I could care less who she was and I could care less about him I just wanted to say happy thanksgiving from our son. Was I wrong ? Im trying this hole forgiving thing and moving on. Im not going to lie it kindof hurt me a little. My friend said she probably didnt know about our son together. I preceded to tell her what a jack ass her boyfriend is but I was like she will find out on her own. Shit didnt nobody warn me.So oh well. All in all im still letting it get to me. Ladies how do you just move on and what steps did you take? This just hurts so bad because I did soooo much for this man and when you put so much into something and then someone just stomps on it like its nothing it hurts.That phone she is talking on was mine that I gave to him when he lost his phone and had no money to get another. I wanted to tell her sooo bad that you are on my phone bitch BUT he is not even worth fighting over. This hurts even more because of our son together. Thanks for listening. I just needed to vent and I love coming here cause I can just let out my feelings and not feel like I am being judged. Nobody I know really understands that aftermath of a abusive relationship.I just need to let go of anything attached to him. It so hard though.
August. Well on thanksgiving I decided to send a happy thanksgiving from our son. Well I get a text message from his girlfreind saying.
"This is not C's phone anymore this is his wife (there not married bitch dont even have a ring).So I would appreciate it if you would not call my phone anymore. So I told her I could care less who she was and I could care less about him I just wanted to say happy thanksgiving from our son. Was I wrong ? Im trying this hole forgiving thing and moving on. Im not going to lie it kindof hurt me a little. My friend said she probably didnt know about our son together. I preceded to tell her what a jack ass her boyfriend is but I was like she will find out on her own. Shit didnt nobody warn me.So oh well. All in all im still letting it get to me. Ladies how do you just move on and what steps did you take? This just hurts so bad because I did soooo much for this man and when you put so much into something and then someone just stomps on it like its nothing it hurts.That phone she is talking on was mine that I gave to him when he lost his phone and had no money to get another. I wanted to tell her sooo bad that you are on my phone bitch BUT he is not even worth fighting over. This hurts even more because of our son together. Thanks for listening. I just needed to vent and I love coming here cause I can just let out my feelings and not feel like I am being judged. Nobody I know really understands that aftermath of a abusive relationship.I just need to let go of anything attached to him. It so hard though.
I also gave my ex ..and ended up getting stomped on.. ....You give so much love and respect and care...and all you endup getting in return, is negation..Disrespect, hurt, tears, pain and then total inhuman devaluation, and disregard....
When you read about narcissists, you get a very good measure of the disgusting ways they can discard you like you never existed...After you gave them so much of your goodness and love..They then usually discard you like you had meant less than nothing....
When you invest in an abuser we do...Its a devastating experience to be then tossed aside, the way they do.....It more than hurts..Its callous and cruel and inhuman..Its no wonder its so hard to recover from an abuser...
Though the reason I have discovered ntact is the only way to reover from it all..Is because ANY contact usually throws us right back into feelings related to our experience..It revives the dynamics..and its not good for us at all..I think that it only keeps the abuse going..
Its not wrong at all that you wanted to send forgiving best wishes on behalf of your son....But its not good for you!
Its also very hard when you share a child or children together....Your dream of sharing your love and care equally and as a team together for that child...has to die..
It also hurts a lot to imagine that he failed with us?..But that he might possibly make a good go of it with someone new?...
Except the truth is (And its always worth repeating the facts to yourself over and over):
He would never have been a good role model around your child..And your child is infinitely better off away from a father who he would have to see abusing his precious mother..
The woman he is now with has to be pitied by you. He hasn't changed. She won't have the magic dust to change him from and abuser into a non-aShe might get his initial charm offensive?...The big lie?..But it won't last..It never does...She has to put up with all you did at some stage...Pity her....
Shes not a bitch because hes fooled her also...Shes just his new victim....But maybe he also managed to get just the kind of person he deserves! :)
To remind yourself that any of your goodness or any good things are totally wasted on him...really helps..Even if it is to pass on love from your child?...He doesn't deserve ANY more goodness from you anymore....Its totally wasted on him...Or any knowledge of your feelings or thoughts..Time to let him go even more..
Keep your goodness for yourself and your son...You both deserve it way more..
Any contact at all with them just keeps their abuse active for us...
My ex used to still email me and text me...and I realised that i would spend days with his latest crap in my head....and also..The pain of it all still stayed too real?
As SOON as I started complete 100% no contact. with my ex...He only then started to fade into the distance..and I found that my recovery from him...Only really began from that point onwards...
So sorry to hear of your hurt....I know it well....
But YOU are now the lucky one..You're not the one who answered the phone beside him or near him?...
With enforcing no contact it really does get easier and easier...
Hugs..any of us who finally got away...Know exactly how you are feeling...
You did what you felt led to do and now it is over. Continue with your healing and what Vonnie says is so true, once you enact no contact at all, that is how you can begin to truly heal. Good luck to you.
It's really, really hard and you've already done a lot of hard work.
Now, keep moving forward.
If you haven't already, try the Index Card exercise. I hear from many people that's it's been helping them. (If you haven't seen it on the board here, PM me and I'll send it to you.)
If he hasn't been connected with his son to this point, consider that extremely fortunate for your own healing. Consider yourself lucky and maintain absolute no contact.
Best to you. Take good care of yourself and your little boy.
Ilene