Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
There is a book that I am still reading that has some wonderful points about life and human nature~ this book has been a joy to read~ just thought I would bring up a few points and then describe what I have felt related to these issues. Maybe others can add to understanding or relate to this book~thanks! Too Soon old Too late smart~ Dr. Gordon Livingston
1.)Ignoring the existence of our subconscious tends to have troubling results. We notice first the consequences of such unawareness:destructive patterns of behavior in which we find ourselves surprised that we repeatedly make the same mistakes.
Ok, so this makes so much sense to me. I have noticed a pattern of behavior and wanted to change and to be "whole" and "pure" in a relationship. When I point out to my husband the pattern he ignores it, because what you don't admit to, you don't have to change.
2.)
To change such habitual and maladaptive patterns of behavior requires first some recognition of the pattern. People tend to resist this, preferring to invoke coincidence or simply focus on individual events in a way that places responsibility on others.
This is soooo true. My husband blames every little thing on someone else, never taking responsibility, never facing reality of the situation.
3.)The wager with the highest stakes of all is with our hearts.
I have taken the risk of given my heart away, something that is only mine and that is sensitive and special. And that can not be bought. And it has been used, abused, trampled, and torn, but the thing is, I took the risk and I should learn from it and know that it is not my fault, it is human nature to want love and acceptance and we can not predict the future.
4.)Everything we are afraid to try, all our unfulfilled dreams, constitute a limitation on what we are and could become. Usually it is fear and its close cousin, anxiety, that keep us from doing those things that would make us happy.
This is a statement that is so true. We tend to look at others thinking that we wished we had what they have, when deep inside we all have the power to change a situation and to be someone else. We have to be courageous.
5.)And yet we often do not do what is necessary to become the people we want to be.
This is true. We have to DO something to BE something. We can not just sit around and wait for someone or something else to change. We can only control ourselves and know what we want and need to be happy
6.)Keeping our expectations low protects us from disappointment
I realize now that I have done this throughout my life, like I was not good enough or something, that I was going to reach low insteed of high.
7.)examining their lives, taking responsibility for their feelings, deciding what they need to do to be happy~ and doing it.
I am in this process now~ realizing that I do not want to live like this forever and I know that I want to be happy and what makes me happy. I have to DO it insteed of talk about it.
8.)Confession may indeed be good for the soul, but unless it is accompanied by altered behavior, it remains only words in the air.
This is true with abusers. They love to tell you they are sorry and they will buy stuff and honeymoon you, but then there behavior goes right back to the way they have always been and it is realized that words mean nothing and the honeymoon was nothing, meant NOTHING!!!!! Except a way to keep the abused there.
9.)The only communication that can be trusted: behavior
Behavior: action speaks louder than words.
10.)"I love you"~taken alone, however, unsupported by consistently loving behavior, this is frequently a lie~ or, more charitably, a promise unlikely to be fulfilled.
My husbands FAVORITE words!
11.)It is hard to let go of a comforting illusion, but harder still to construct a happy life out of perceptions and beliefs that do not correspond to the world around us.
This is true for me because when I am at work I think about my "happy" family and the dreams that I have and then when I drive home I get a feeling of dread and disappointment and dont want to come home because I know that I have to walk on eggshells and watch what I do and say and can not truely be myself in my own household.
12.)No element of dissatisfaction with our lives is more common than a belief that we have in our youth made the wrong choice of partner.
This is true for me because the older that I get I see that me and my husband are completly different and I am growing and he is staying the same and he wants me there with him, never changing, so that I do not grow apart from him, but rather rely on him and only know his perspective and opinions.
Hope some of you can relate to these sayings: thanks for reading
1.)Ignoring the existence of our subconscious tends to have troubling results. We notice first the consequences of such unawareness:destructive patterns of behavior in which we find ourselves surprised that we repeatedly make the same mistakes.
Ok, so this makes so much sense to me. I have noticed a pattern of behavior and wanted to change and to be "whole" and "pure" in a relationship. When I point out to my husband the pattern he ignores it, because what you don't admit to, you don't have to change.
2.)
To change such habitual and maladaptive patterns of behavior requires first some recognition of the pattern. People tend to resist this, preferring to invoke coincidence or simply focus on individual events in a way that places responsibility on others.
This is soooo true. My husband blames every little thing on someone else, never taking responsibility, never facing reality of the situation.
3.)The wager with the highest stakes of all is with our hearts.
I have taken the risk of given my heart away, something that is only mine and that is sensitive and special. And that can not be bought. And it has been used, abused, trampled, and torn, but the thing is, I took the risk and I should learn from it and know that it is not my fault, it is human nature to want love and acceptance and we can not predict the future.
4.)Everything we are afraid to try, all our unfulfilled dreams, constitute a limitation on what we are and could become. Usually it is fear and its close cousin, anxiety, that keep us from doing those things that would make us happy.
This is a statement that is so true. We tend to look at others thinking that we wished we had what they have, when deep inside we all have the power to change a situation and to be someone else. We have to be courageous.
5.)And yet we often do not do what is necessary to become the people we want to be.
This is true. We have to DO something to BE something. We can not just sit around and wait for someone or something else to change. We can only control ourselves and know what we want and need to be happy
6.)Keeping our expectations low protects us from disappointment
I realize now that I have done this throughout my life, like I was not good enough or something, that I was going to reach low insteed of high.
7.)examining their lives, taking responsibility for their feelings, deciding what they need to do to be happy~ and doing it.
I am in this process now~ realizing that I do not want to live like this forever and I know that I want to be happy and what makes me happy. I have to DO it insteed of talk about it.
8.)Confession may indeed be good for the soul, but unless it is accompanied by altered behavior, it remains only words in the air.
This is true with abusers. They love to tell you they are sorry and they will buy stuff and honeymoon you, but then there behavior goes right back to the way they have always been and it is realized that words mean nothing and the honeymoon was nothing, meant NOTHING!!!!! Except a way to keep the abused there.
9.)The only communication that can be trusted: behavior
Behavior: action speaks louder than words.
10.)"I love you"~taken alone, however, unsupported by consistently loving behavior, this is frequently a lie~ or, more charitably, a promise unlikely to be fulfilled.
My husbands FAVORITE words!
11.)It is hard to let go of a comforting illusion, but harder still to construct a happy life out of perceptions and beliefs that do not correspond to the world around us.
This is true for me because when I am at work I think about my "happy" family and the dreams that I have and then when I drive home I get a feeling of dread and disappointment and dont want to come home because I know that I have to walk on eggshells and watch what I do and say and can not truely be myself in my own household.
12.)No element of dissatisfaction with our lives is more common than a belief that we have in our youth made the wrong choice of partner.
This is true for me because the older that I get I see that me and my husband are completly different and I am growing and he is staying the same and he wants me there with him, never changing, so that I do not grow apart from him, but rather rely on him and only know his perspective and opinions.
Hope some of you can relate to these sayings: thanks for reading
When you live outside our "box", wonderful things do happen. There is a whole world out there waiting for us. I couldn't believe the wonderful things I discovered when I left mine. I'm so excited for you.