I know it is hard to leave. I felt the same way. I, unfortunately, relied on his income by the time I realized what kind of man he could be. It sounds like to me you have the income and he relies on you. If he is abusing you, no amount of time is going to help him. This invention is not worth your life... and you probably are thinking what I thought with that statement... He isn't really going to kill me, but "accidents" happen all the time. If your advocate thinks you need to leave, YOU NEED TO LEAVE. His life should not hinge on your decisions. You need to think of yourself... what do YOU need? It is time for YOU. I'm out now and I can't believe I stayed as long as I did from this side of the fence. I make my own money... make my own decisions... and I a more positive, less stressed, happier, capable, stronger woman than I have ever been! You can be all those too!

btw, if you want to know my story, I just got published under the pen name: Iva Choice. Look up that name and maybe it'll help... Never underestimate what you can accomplish to more people's benefit when you are not sacrificing everything for someone else and their dreams!

My opinion is that
leaving is ALWAYS
difficult.

My advice. . . . is
to LEAVE NOW.

I was told to get out-that he was dangerous.

first by a woman from police services.

then by the counselor at the shelter.

like you, it didn't really seem a good time. maybe after christmas..but then his birthday is in feb, and that might be really bad..blah de blah..I could have stayed forever.

I had to kind of give up and let the professionals tell me what to do, because I was so brainwashed from so many years, that I felt as if 'I didn't have the right'..

as if he owned me, and everything had to be agreed upon by him..I was actually hoping that he'd finally say 'yeah, you're right, I'm abusive, we had better end this..

but of course, that never happened.

I just finally listened to everyone on here, and trusted that they knew what they were talking about, and so did the counselors..

and they were right!

no time is EVER a good time to leave, as far as your abuser is concerned. if they chopped off your hands and you left because of that, they'd be mad that they didn't get to chop off your feet.

if you leave AFTER his invention is done, and it bombs, then he'll say that you left him BECAUSE it bombed, that you left him when he needed you most! If his invention did well, and you left him, he'd say that right when he needed you most, when things were rolling, you left him high and dry..


there's never a good time, as far as they are concerned.

listen to your DV counselor, who has years of experience, and get out while you can!

I've been out nearly 10 months, and I've never been happier!

When you are in the midst of the situation, clarity is not the best, which includes finding "the right moment". There is no such thing.

People told me to get out or they feared for my life. I thought he would never go that far. Was I wrong. The last time my thought was to stay, that night he tried to kill me. I left at 2 in the morning while he slept. I had no money or a job. I contacted a friend who picked me up and took me into her home. The situation never seems as dangerous as it truly is. They are very unpredicatable.

I have been on my own now for several years and enjoy the freedom of being who I am.

I say leave (in 24 pt font).

You are never the one to blame for the consequences of his abuse - except in his mind. If he weren't abusing you, you wouldn't be considering leaving and you most certainly wouldn't be considering going to a shelter. If he weren't abusing you, the trauma advocate (think about that name for a minute - TRAUMA advocate) would NOT be suggesting you should go to a shelter.

Like rachel said, there is never a good time and, no matter what you do (stay or go; leave now or leave later; breathe or don't breathe), everything that he does, everything that he doesn't like in his life, will be your fault. You are, in his mind, to blame for EVERYTHING. So forget the "to blame" thing, since it's only in his head and nothing, but NOTHING you can do will change it.

As for him having to work for a living because you leave? Well maybe he should have thought of that before he abused you.

If a trauma advocate thinks you are in danger, listen to her. She KNOWS what she's talking about.

Go to the shelter!!! You have got to listen to what these people are telling you. I know, it's hard to take it all in now, but we, as battered women, do not realize what danger we are in, until it's too late. Please, do'nt let it be too late for you. As I said, go the shelter! You can always get material things, but , you can never get another you!! Please stay safe, and get out. There is a angel on your shoulder, that's me.

my husband really tried to kill me, he hid a picture of a lump to be seen by the immaging center when I took the mamo. when I got there, the picture was gone, I got the mamo anyway, and they didn't mamo. the correct area, when I got home, I found the picture the dr made hidden under piles of paper, something, in all of my wildess thinking, I would have put it there....It's easy for people to say get out of your relationship, I am still in mine, but he will go back to this g/f whenever she gets over her madness about the last fight...the marriage is over, he has no respect for me...sadly, I prob. have no respect fo me either.

as for the invention, you know how long things take for it to be recognized? Could take years....You need not feel sorry for him that he will not be making money, he could always work in burger king...

Thank you everyone for all your replies, I know what i need to do, I just need to get through this and move on with my life, i know once im out i will be much happier, i just have to take that step and get out that door. I keep repeating a quote to myself that, " all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and something great will come of it" I will get there, I am determined!