Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Ok I've been here since sept of last year.
A lot has happened. when i first came i wasn't strong enough to find a phone number to even initiate counselling. my mind was so filled with so many awful thoughts, then i got angry, then i think i accepted more & now i'm ready to start really healing & work through these things in my head..
so..
i start reaching out..started with a clinic that i always go to & the woman said that i should tart with the dv shelter here because she just got off the phone with them,. they're starting this excellent group therapy for abuse victims & they're taking people. I said ok, so I called during the day & was just grilled to the point where i couldnt answer anymore & I said i'll call back. I called that evening & asks me a million questions, why do you need this? what do you think you will gain from this? what is your situation? are you working? why are you looking for counselling now? what's happened? i was like..i just want to go to the group counselling & she tells me i dont need them, i need a lawyer & some other sort of counselling & to call this other place that i've called before.
So..I call them, leave a voicemail. I call the next day, left a voicemail. I decided to send an email from the link i found online..no response.
i called again & left another voicemail..
so i decide to call victim services which is a government service available to people who have been victims of crimes & she asks my name & then she asks the name of the accused..well you guys..maybe some of you know this & some of you don't..but the day we split..he was attacking me in my van & breaking it all up, trying to break my phone & not letting me go..i finally got out of the vehicle & grabbed him and screamed what am i supposed to do now? he broke my stick shift, i was waving it around screaming & crying, he pushed me, i started hitting him with it, over and over, hysterical, crying, begging, called the police, asked a lady that saw us to call, he ran away, i waited for them..they arrested me & let him go.
so when i called victim sevices & she says who is the accused, i had to say me..i am & she says..i can give you the prosecution office..i said..what do you guys offer, i dont know why i got arrested & he didn't, she says i don't know either, but i'll give you the prosecution office..
i just hung up..i called the the 3rd place again & left another voicemail in addition to another email then i called another woman's org taht deals with this sort of thing..no one was available to talk & she couldn't tell me what to do..
i just don't understand & this is why i never did it to begin with! Everyone here & in the real world was pushing me to go find a cousellor. I knew this is what was going to happen. it happens every time i try to find someone, some support, no one listens, no one helps, i get turned away all the time..
am i the only one? after everything..i have to deal with court shit..me! me being the one after all his abuse..i lost it..i absolutely lost it, i couldn't hold it in anymore & i was hysterical..i asked for help from the police & they took me away. can you all see how much he loved that? that's why i can't move on, because i have to go to court once or twice a month, can't get a lawyer b/c i don't qualify for public lawyers & i can't afford to pay one, so i'm on my own, but i can't get advice from anyone & even the prosecutor won't call me back to tell me what her position is.
i'm tired you guys..i'm really really tired of all of this. Now that i reach out for help..i'm getting shot down.
am i the only one? what am i supposed to do? i only have so much strength to fight anymore..i'm giving up here & just wanna go lay down in some snowbank & just give up
A lot has happened. when i first came i wasn't strong enough to find a phone number to even initiate counselling. my mind was so filled with so many awful thoughts, then i got angry, then i think i accepted more & now i'm ready to start really healing & work through these things in my head..
so..
i start reaching out..started with a clinic that i always go to & the woman said that i should tart with the dv shelter here because she just got off the phone with them,. they're starting this excellent group therapy for abuse victims & they're taking people. I said ok, so I called during the day & was just grilled to the point where i couldnt answer anymore & I said i'll call back. I called that evening & asks me a million questions, why do you need this? what do you think you will gain from this? what is your situation? are you working? why are you looking for counselling now? what's happened? i was like..i just want to go to the group counselling & she tells me i dont need them, i need a lawyer & some other sort of counselling & to call this other place that i've called before.
So..I call them, leave a voicemail. I call the next day, left a voicemail. I decided to send an email from the link i found online..no response.
i called again & left another voicemail..
so i decide to call victim services which is a government service available to people who have been victims of crimes & she asks my name & then she asks the name of the accused..well you guys..maybe some of you know this & some of you don't..but the day we split..he was attacking me in my van & breaking it all up, trying to break my phone & not letting me go..i finally got out of the vehicle & grabbed him and screamed what am i supposed to do now? he broke my stick shift, i was waving it around screaming & crying, he pushed me, i started hitting him with it, over and over, hysterical, crying, begging, called the police, asked a lady that saw us to call, he ran away, i waited for them..they arrested me & let him go.
so when i called victim sevices & she says who is the accused, i had to say me..i am & she says..i can give you the prosecution office..i said..what do you guys offer, i dont know why i got arrested & he didn't, she says i don't know either, but i'll give you the prosecution office..
i just hung up..i called the the 3rd place again & left another voicemail in addition to another email then i called another woman's org taht deals with this sort of thing..no one was available to talk & she couldn't tell me what to do..
i just don't understand & this is why i never did it to begin with! Everyone here & in the real world was pushing me to go find a cousellor. I knew this is what was going to happen. it happens every time i try to find someone, some support, no one listens, no one helps, i get turned away all the time..
am i the only one? after everything..i have to deal with court shit..me! me being the one after all his abuse..i lost it..i absolutely lost it, i couldn't hold it in anymore & i was hysterical..i asked for help from the police & they took me away. can you all see how much he loved that? that's why i can't move on, because i have to go to court once or twice a month, can't get a lawyer b/c i don't qualify for public lawyers & i can't afford to pay one, so i'm on my own, but i can't get advice from anyone & even the prosecutor won't call me back to tell me what her position is.
i'm tired you guys..i'm really really tired of all of this. Now that i reach out for help..i'm getting shot down.
am i the only one? what am i supposed to do? i only have so much strength to fight anymore..i'm giving up here & just wanna go lay down in some snowbank & just give up
I am so sorry for that! Gosh, if you weren't frustrated before you certainly were after all the runaround. No one needs that crap.
I think this is abuse by the system. They seem to take for granted your experience and just forget it. What a system!
I do hope you find a group that can help out in some way. We used to have support groups here too in our town and there is none to be found.
Also, the questioning from the intake worker is so irrelevant. Some agencies ask stupid questions.
I can relate to your frustration about waving the stick shift at your ex too. I think you were defending yourself there. I don't blame you either. I really can understand that situation you were in. I would have done the same thing.
I am sure you are feeling isolated but you do have us here. I just wish there was something I could do to help.
Big hugs to you Gogo.
I hear ya. I'm in a major city and still can't find a support group. It took me three months to find a sliding scale counselor that would take me, and I had to sit on a waiting list for a month after that. While most of those questions seem intrusive and irrelevant, sometimes they are meant to determine if you are in immediate danger, to figure which therapist will be best able to assist you, how serious you are about therapy, etc. My therapist didn't even know what the abuse cycle was before I showed her. There are at least five agencies that did not even respond to me. Sadly, there just aren't enough resources available and they are not distributed evenly.
Only thing I can say is - Keep asking for help until you get the support you need and the kind of attention you want. Don't let any of these ridiculous hoops take your focus away from your objective. It takes a while to sort out, it's not pleasant, and it seems completely counterproductive, but once you get the right therapist and the right group, it will be worth all the time you invested. Your biggest asset is yourself! Invest in yourself the way that works for you. You're worth it.
HUGS!
Sadly most shelters, gov't agencies, etc are overrun with clients & potential clients & very short on money. In addition there tends to be a lot of dysfunction w/in these organizations. So ask to speak w/someone from the board of directors & ask them what their policies are.
Do NOT give up on this. Also call individual therapists & ask if they will charge on a sliding scale basis. Also ask if they know of any support groups in your area.
Also set some intentions that you will find exactly who & what you need within the next couple of months. Be specific about what you want. Send your intentions out to the universe. It works! The first time it worked for me I didn't even know I was doing it, but a friend was telling me about her wonderful therapist & I said I wanted one just like her & I got one & I kept saying no, I can't afford her cuz she's not in my ins group. But she actually got in the network for me!
You will find exactly what you need & remember when you send your intentions to the universe that you add "easily & effortlessly" to the end of your statement!
Big hugs!!
I didn't go through my local DV services when I sought help 11 years ago. I went straight to the courthouse the day I left for a restraining order. I was offered an advocate from the local mental health facility and free rape counseling services on the spot...by the courthouse. I had a handful of references for everything available to me.
This time when I went back to deal with a flair up of my PTSD symptoms, I went straight to the mental health clinic's outpatient walk-in center. I had no income and they have always had a sliding scale fee system. I pay $2 a visit for my counseling and med services.
I wish I had advice for you guys. Maybe check with the local centers that work with addicts....sometimes they have better knowledge of resources. If you let them know up front that you are just trying to get information and you've been coming up with nothing, they may be able to help. It's just a thought. I know many people in the area I live in tend to think our local mental health clinic is for addiction services only....its not. They just happen to have special programs for that and inpatient detox services which is what they advertise more.
I'm sorry any one of you has to deal with this. Hugs to all of you!
I knew it would be like this. I knew it because I've tried before. Even sliding scales & so forth. I mean..the court thing is the worst! The absolute worst! He just walks away..all free & clear, ya he's got his messed up mind & life, but he's used to that already so that doesn't matter.
ah..i dunno..i just dont know anymore
I know how hard it is when you finally reach out and don't find supportive people. I stopped going to the domestic abuse support group at the local shelter because I found the counselor so snarky. I thought "well if I am going to be invalidated like that I might as well just have a conversation with my husband."
As for your legal situation. keep calling lawyers until you find one that will help you. A good way to make a lawyer more affordable is to do the leg work and documentation yourself and just use the lawyer as advisor. Don't mess around with your future. You might also want to go to the police and see if you can file counter charges. I don't know the law where you are, though.
I wish I could help more. Stay safe and keep reaching out.
L4S