Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Pasted in from today's Wolf's Daily Howl
In the work I do, I'm always looking for analogies to make what's happening emotionally, more visible.
When an abusive relationship is relatively young, getting out is like being in a pit of quick sand. Getting out is hard, really hard. You need a lot of resources to be ripping you out against the sucking pit, pulling you back. To get out of a pit of quicksand requires a huge amount of determination and help.
When an abusive relationship is decades long, getting out is more like being trapped under a collapsed building. You need rescue workers to come in and pull stuff off you. Some beams may just be too heavy to move and to survive, a limb may have to be amputated and left under the beam, just to get the trapped person out so s/he can go on and not die there in the rubble.
Or alternatively, leaving an abusive relationship may be like having to treat advancing cancer. There's radiation, chemotherapy and surgery. They're all awful. They all exact a cost ----- pain, vomiting, losing our hair, losing our energy, losing pieces of our body. But they're all absolutely necessary if we're to survive.
Escaping an abusive relationship is never easy. There are many, many reasons why getting out is so hard. Often, even after getting out, life isn't thoroughly better. There may be lots of serious problems. But, there's usually one less problem.
Escaping takes resolve.
Escaping takes courage.
Escaping takes strength.
Escaping takes focus.
Escaping takes commitment.
Escaping takes resources.
Escaping takes self-worth.
Love and strength and self-regard to all wrestling with getting away.
In the work I do, I'm always looking for analogies to make what's happening emotionally, more visible.
When an abusive relationship is relatively young, getting out is like being in a pit of quick sand. Getting out is hard, really hard. You need a lot of resources to be ripping you out against the sucking pit, pulling you back. To get out of a pit of quicksand requires a huge amount of determination and help.
When an abusive relationship is decades long, getting out is more like being trapped under a collapsed building. You need rescue workers to come in and pull stuff off you. Some beams may just be too heavy to move and to survive, a limb may have to be amputated and left under the beam, just to get the trapped person out so s/he can go on and not die there in the rubble.
Or alternatively, leaving an abusive relationship may be like having to treat advancing cancer. There's radiation, chemotherapy and surgery. They're all awful. They all exact a cost ----- pain, vomiting, losing our hair, losing our energy, losing pieces of our body. But they're all absolutely necessary if we're to survive.
Escaping an abusive relationship is never easy. There are many, many reasons why getting out is so hard. Often, even after getting out, life isn't thoroughly better. There may be lots of serious problems. But, there's usually one less problem.
Escaping takes resolve.
Escaping takes courage.
Escaping takes strength.
Escaping takes focus.
Escaping takes commitment.
Escaping takes resources.
Escaping takes self-worth.
Love and strength and self-regard to all wrestling with getting away.
This is so profound. Thank you for the hope, the reality of what I feel and think daily and the validation that it's more complicated than to just "leave" ESPECIALLY when you have been in this mess for way too many years, kids involved, finances and all tied together and other circumstances that need to be handled to protect oneself and children. There is no easy way out but there is a way out....
Thank you for the encouraging words!
Thank you!