Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
This last saturday my s.o. and I were on an outing in the wood, we were both drinking, and it was all good until he wanted to go to this different area of the woods, he was already pretty emotional, and I was trying just to sponge it all for him, and not react to his anger, as I usually do. But I end up getting us on a skid road, and I had a hard time turning our truck around. So he got out and by this time was calling me names and yelling at me for turning on the wrong road. I just kept quiet, I didn't say a word, I knew anything I said wasn't going to be heard anyway so I just stayed quiet.
Well he didn't see anywhere to turn around, but where we were parked to turn around and I was still in the driver seat. I got out and started to help him look, then I couldn't find anywhere either, and it was dark and we couldn't see behind us, and no flashlight. So I was in the driver seat, and he came up and opened the door and started yelling at me some more. He grabbed me by the shirt and told me to get out and that he was just going to leave me here and make me walk. Well I was thinking to myself, I guess I better start walking, and so I started off down the road and then he told me in his most kindest voice that he was sorry and that he needed me to get on the truck, of course I was driving, cause he never drives and has no good eyesight, plus he was drunk. So all of that together made me the candidate for the driver, plus I was not drinking for the last 2 hours of our day out there, so I was pretty sane by then.
While I was driving, I was crying and hysterical because he had pulled me out of the car and I fell to the ground, which was cushioned by branches and leaves, but all the same my bracing caused me to have a sore shoulder and hip and knee. all the places I caught myself with.
So I was crying and I finally let my gaurd down and started yelling at him: why do I always do for you, and do for you, I would go to the ends of the earth for you, I would move heavan and earth for you if I could, but you still make it a point to treat me like shit, you were going to make me walk out here in the middle of the mtns and there are cougars out here and I could have been eaten alive by one, you tell me you love me, but how can someone who loves me leave me out in the woods with nothing but the clothes on my back. How can you sit there and never see how terrified, and broken hearted I am at this moment. I stopped the car and got out and walked a little ways down the road to compose myself, he came and held me and told me that he would never leave me out there in the woods.
I know he wouldn't because he would have to go back into our town and explain to everyone how he left me to walk all the way out there in the mtns. It was about 10 miles off the hwy and about 9-10 o clock at night. He couldn't for the life of himself say anything to redeem himself because he is a woodsman, he knows every inch of the reservation land, and there would be no way he could leave me out there. So hence I got a ride back to my house, and that was the end of our night.
We are still together, and it's by my choice, I still can't make myself leave him, I don't know why I choose to stay even after he treats me like this. I love him, is all I can say, I have this thin hope that he will change to treating me better,not. I don't know. I just posted here because I needed it documented somewhere that this is what happened, kind of like the index card exercise for me.
I know one day I will look back at this and see the tragedy I had to live. One day I will leave him, just not today.
Well he didn't see anywhere to turn around, but where we were parked to turn around and I was still in the driver seat. I got out and started to help him look, then I couldn't find anywhere either, and it was dark and we couldn't see behind us, and no flashlight. So I was in the driver seat, and he came up and opened the door and started yelling at me some more. He grabbed me by the shirt and told me to get out and that he was just going to leave me here and make me walk. Well I was thinking to myself, I guess I better start walking, and so I started off down the road and then he told me in his most kindest voice that he was sorry and that he needed me to get on the truck, of course I was driving, cause he never drives and has no good eyesight, plus he was drunk. So all of that together made me the candidate for the driver, plus I was not drinking for the last 2 hours of our day out there, so I was pretty sane by then.
While I was driving, I was crying and hysterical because he had pulled me out of the car and I fell to the ground, which was cushioned by branches and leaves, but all the same my bracing caused me to have a sore shoulder and hip and knee. all the places I caught myself with.
So I was crying and I finally let my gaurd down and started yelling at him: why do I always do for you, and do for you, I would go to the ends of the earth for you, I would move heavan and earth for you if I could, but you still make it a point to treat me like shit, you were going to make me walk out here in the middle of the mtns and there are cougars out here and I could have been eaten alive by one, you tell me you love me, but how can someone who loves me leave me out in the woods with nothing but the clothes on my back. How can you sit there and never see how terrified, and broken hearted I am at this moment. I stopped the car and got out and walked a little ways down the road to compose myself, he came and held me and told me that he would never leave me out there in the woods.
I know he wouldn't because he would have to go back into our town and explain to everyone how he left me to walk all the way out there in the mtns. It was about 10 miles off the hwy and about 9-10 o clock at night. He couldn't for the life of himself say anything to redeem himself because he is a woodsman, he knows every inch of the reservation land, and there would be no way he could leave me out there. So hence I got a ride back to my house, and that was the end of our night.
We are still together, and it's by my choice, I still can't make myself leave him, I don't know why I choose to stay even after he treats me like this. I love him, is all I can say, I have this thin hope that he will change to treating me better,not. I don't know. I just posted here because I needed it documented somewhere that this is what happened, kind of like the index card exercise for me.
I know one day I will look back at this and see the tragedy I had to live. One day I will leave him, just not today.
I told him, I am waiting for him to find another woman and leave me, or break up with me, because I don't want any of his misery to be my fault. How lame does that sound? It sounded sane at the moment.
Do I miss him? or do I miss the company of a man?
He is the man I have waited for, when he is sweet he can be so good, kind, gentle, but when he is mean, oh my gosh, I feel the lowest self esteem in the world.
I am so confused, at one moment I want him to leave, and at the other moment I want him to stay. He tells me I am the one who is emotionally abusive to him? I been trying so hard not to take all my anger out on him, from past abuse, I know I get ultra defensive, when we argue, and I go back to my abusive relationships that I had before.
When he is at my house, I turn off my cell, and don't answer my phone, because he thinks I am talking with someone else and/or flirting on facebook. So I don't use my phone at all when he is there because I don't want to have to explain what I am doing on there. It's crazy what I do for his affection.
What is sad is that I have learned to feed his ego. I tell him all the things a man likes to hear. I am so tuned into what he likes/dislikes, I can make him happy if he would just let me. But he is so in his own mj addiction, he won't let me.
When he isn't with me all I think about is him. What is he doing? where is he at? who is he with? is it another woman?
Then I get depressed because what if he is, then it is over for us. Why don't I want it to be over? Why can't I just let go, and move on with my life.
I would be free, I would be less stressed, I could be on my phone whenever, wherever I want, I could leave my home, or stay home if I wanted, I could spend time with my children, and do stuff with them, I could spend time with my children, and not send them to grandmas when he wants to spend time with me.
He tells me there is not another woman, he tells me it is just him, but I have a really hard time believing him. And I feel like I am forcing myself to believe that so that I can keep him around.
Am I using him too? for companionship? Does he deserve to be used?
I know I sound like a repeat all the time, and its been 2 years now, and I see no improvement,
I haven't talked to him all day yesterday, and all day today, I haven't contacted him, I want to but I throw the phone down and walk away from it.
I started talking to one of my friends about my situation, and I really don't talk to any one about my situation, because there thoughts are "if your unhappy and he abuses you why don't you leave?"
Believe me I ask myself the same question everyday, but when he talks to me and spends time with me I am the happiest person in the world. When we are not together, I am miserable and cannot think of anything or anyone else, I spend my time moping and being depressed.
I have never dealt with this kind of feeling before, its like an addiction, an obsession with him.
This last time I almost gave him an ultimatum, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I just fell quiet, before we hung up this last time, he told me "I love you, I replied, he said it again, I said "I love you" and he said "I will talk to you again tomorrow" That was yesterday. I still haven't got a phone call or text from him.
Other than my facebook, and calls from my mom, aunt, and children, I haven't heard my phone ring all day.
I gave him some things to keep for me, because I also have some family I can't trust, they are drug addicts and steal all the time from me. So I gave him some belongings of mine to keep. I hope he returns at least one of the items if we are through. Its a key to my sons gun safe. If not we made an agreement that my son could go get it from him whenever he needs to, if we end up not staying together.
I know this all sounds dumb, but It was when we first broke up and got back together. He is the only dependable person, I should say the most dependable out of everyone I know who I can depend on to keep my things safe.
But I am hoping for no contact at the same time, I am keeping myself occupied here, and with my children.
tomorrow I am taking my family over the mountain to eat pizza, and have a day with there older sister and her boyfriend. We will probably go walk on waterfront park and just spend the day enjoying each other.
Its really heartbreaking, I cried so hard last night because he didn't call me.
my question is why when he treats me so crappy do I want him to contact me? why do I even want to be in a relationship at all?
I keep praying for strength for myself, everyday. I keep praying for the strength that this will be the day I get away.
I read all your posts and pray that I will have strength to do what you guys are doing.
I am so scared of being alone, and what if I can't do it.
Yes I have my children who are my life, and i have decided, the energy I have given to him, will be given to them, although its been that way from the beginning, its just that more energy will be poored on them now.
okay I think I am done venting now.
You are asking the questions that your brain already knows the answer to.
It took me 15 years to figure out you can't make someone happy if they don't want to be.
I am overjoyed he didn't move back in, even if you are not.
You give such good advice to other people.
You know the abuse will only get worse.
I think what you are missing is the idea of the company of a good man, which he is not, maybe in the beginning he was better, but he will not ever be that person or be better, unless it is to suck you back in before he starts in on you again.
My heart hurts for you as I know you are in for more pain. You are right, later you will look back and regret you are not concentrating on your kids. You can never get their childhood back. Every minute they will spend time with you should be taken advantage of, because once it's gone, it's gone.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((babyrena))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I think the real reason I give such good advice is because I am in it, at present tense, and also I have gone through some terrible abuse in the past.
It's taken me a long time to get to the point where I can comfortably (if you want to say that) not contact him. I have asked him to change his number, he tells me no that he is not going to do that, because he has too many contacts and family members and his business requires him to keep the same number.
Because of things that happened in the past, I prefer for him and I to break things off with each other, and not get any one involved, such as the police, or others. Especially his mother, Idk, ...when I worked with his mom we got along really well, and now that her son and I got together, she changed towards me. So I really don't want her involved in our breakup. I just want a clean break. According to her he spent all his money on me, and I didn't spend anything on him, he stayed in my house for free, ate my food, and drove my car. and stayed up all hours of the night playing video games, and watching t.v. And I bought him a phone, and paid for the cell bill and he says he bought his own phone. I don't know I guess I am just making excuses for why I don't want him to leave.
I am going to have to just face the fact that my reputation is going to be ruined because of him. And that there will be a smear campaign going on in my behalf. Thankfully my co-workers and my boss know about my situation.
My family and friends all tell me "people are not asking what is he doing with her, They are saying Why is she with a man like him, she could do so much better,and deserves better."
I need to listen to that, but first I must be single. I must get my mind together and become a healthy person. I must learn to love myself and take care of me and my children.
K....thank you for letting me vent.
I was writing my post and didn't read the post above my first post.
Sounds like I panicked a little early. You will be fine.
Stay strong and concentrate on things to do with your kids--sounds like you are doing that and I hope you will have a great time tomorrow.
You, just like everybody, are important and need to be able to take care of your kids and not have to worry about being abused.
I send you tons of support and hugs