Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I wanted to share this remarkable article I found on comparative freedoms, the maturation process, and internal strength.
It's speaking to an audience of men, but is equally applicable to women.
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2012/02/21/freedom-from-freedom-to/
Looking at applying it to abuse, it strikes me that most abusers are stuck in Stage two, and, feeling the harsh push by the nature of reality to advance - as well as a pathological fear of stage one, force their victims into stage one. Small wonder that the release can catapault us to stage three or beyond (assuming stage four is ever truly achievable for a protracted length of time.)
There was also a good post today on the nature of obstacles, and how to see the opportunity they present.
Enjoy!
It's speaking to an audience of men, but is equally applicable to women.
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2012/02/21/freedom-from-freedom-to/
Looking at applying it to abuse, it strikes me that most abusers are stuck in Stage two, and, feeling the harsh push by the nature of reality to advance - as well as a pathological fear of stage one, force their victims into stage one. Small wonder that the release can catapault us to stage three or beyond (assuming stage four is ever truly achievable for a protracted length of time.)
There was also a good post today on the nature of obstacles, and how to see the opportunity they present.
Enjoy!
Regarding your theory of abusers being "stuck", I very much agree. Most of them have never really grown up, or shown any desire to. And I felt as though I was being treated like a child often, by mine, which is in line with the idea of me as a victim being forced into stage one.
To link your theory with that of narcissism, I would like to propose that some abusers even stay stuck in stage one. This is especially true where heavy familial enmeshment is a factor. Even when an abuser appears to be behaving semi-autonomously, it is often their belief in the say-so of a parent or the dynamics of their family system which at least partly drives them.
My husband will be his father`s behavioural "child" until the day he dies, and in our marriage, he has maintained the emotional behaviour of a young child. He is very much ruled by his family, and if you asked him, his perception of his life (which is the only thing he behaves according to), would be that he had no freedom in any area. He said this to me many times. I do have down days sometimes, but have no such blind loyalty to my own family. For me, the childhood spell was broken long ago. I have always thought, "How sad that he feels that way. Chained somehow. Like all people and their concerns are simply obstacles and punishments to him."
Thank goodness I am not like him! This is a fascinating look at the ways in which we can understand and cultivate our own freedom. Most inspiring, thanks again :) xxx
And that reminds me of a conversation I had with my girlfriend. She sometimes makes it sound like I am holing her back and preventing her from getting what she wants in life - and I get confused by that. This article explains her thoughts - She is stuck in stage 1 or 2 and doesn't understand positive freedom!! Anyway, during this conversation I told her that I want her to have the same freedoms I have. And positive freedom is what I meant - I want her to make her own choices in life. She can chose to work, or not work. She can chose where she wants to work, what she wants to drive, how much money she wants to have, what kind of clothes she has. I don't care, as long as she chooses something (she can even choose to not be with me if that is what she wants). And she responded with puzzlement -"do you mean you want me to go out and sleep with other people?" She had no idea what I was talking about.
As I have mentioned previously, she is diagnosed BPD, and I have been reading up on this disorder and spending lots of time talking to a therapist and a support group. And this is a common thing amongst people with BPD - the inability to make decisions, the inability to form one's own identity, and chose one's own life path. her brain is simply not capable of understanding that she can make her own choices in life and do what makes her happy, partly because she doesn't know what makes her happy. She views life as a bunch of rules put on her by society and others that she must adhere to. She feels frustrated that she has to work to have money and that all employers are evil, yet needs that money to be happy and live. No concept whatsoever that she can control those things!
Really interesting.