Been there. I've read it's quite "normal" after abuse.

I think we forget during the abuse as a coping mechanism, and it doesn't flood back all at once after the abuse because it's way too much for any one brain to handle. It really sucked for me when I realized this was happening, but I didn't know if/when the next "flashback" would hit, and just how bad it would hurt when it did. I haven't experienced it for a long time, but just remembering how scary that was and how bad it felt brings tears to my eyes.

I think part of what helped stop the frequency and the degree of hurt those sudden memories caused was, once I felt ready, I forced myself to talk everything to death. From beginning to end, and then again for every particularly bad day for everything in between. I have an incredibly caring friend that listened to me rehash everything for hours a week.

I was later alerted that there were at least two occasions where I revealed something I thought was a new memory, but as it turns out, I had shared it before. I must have let it out, felt some pain, then put it away again to finish processing later. The good news is, now when I recall things I know I forgot, the rush of emotions isn't so bad.

Sometimes, when I try to think back, things still feel a little on the "fuzzy" side. But when I sit down and focus real hard on recalling the past, and mentally prep myself with a little pep talk (it usually goes something like, "okay, me, this might sting, but it's not going to hurt forever if you do this now"), it comes through feeling much more clearly. It's a lot like physically forcing myself to go to a store I haven't been to since I left my ex. It gets easier each time thereafter.

This is known as a trigger. And, as bottled said, it is very common being in and coming out of an abusive environment. It can also be a symptom of PTSD, which, in varying degrees, can also be a very common 'side effect' of abuse.

Therapy with a QUALIFIED therapist can be very helpful. With the right kind of therapy it gets better, but it takes time - a lot of time. How much time varies from person to person based on the amount and length of abuse endured.

I found the most helpful, healing therapy was hypnotherapy. It has a healing component in each session and I never left the session feeling worse than when I came in. Unfortunately for me, talk therapy often left me worse off because there was no healing component.

Another key aspect of therapy is that not all therapists are qualified or trained to help people recover from abuse, trauma and/or PTSD. So make sure the therapist has had EXTRA training in these areas.

In addition to therapy, I practiced self care and daily gratitude. I also meditated, journaled, did guided imagery, listened to uplifting music, spent time in nature and found lots of reasons to laugh. Actually, I still do all of those things. :-)

Healing is not a linear process. It can go two steps forward and one back. It can go side to side, in circles and zig zag. Give yourself the gift of all the time you need. And take good care of yourself.

Thanks for understanding what I'm talking about. I thought it would confused with regular "remembering" things, but this is different. This is not like retrieving things I remember, this is remembering things I forgot. I don't think I can explain it well, but I think you guys got it anyway. I just don't know why this seems to be happening so much lately.

I have identified that some of these automatic responses are "triggered" and I even have a good idea of what triggers them-and I just figured this out. I wonder if that is why these other "triggers" are coming up now? I just wasn't prepared for memories of things that I didn't even know was there. And it's weird that it's not even necessarily some of the worst things, those I remember pretty well. But may there's some I forgot.

I was hanging up a new picture today, when suddenly I remembered when I got divorced and my ex sent me some of the stuff I was supposed to get in our divorce decree (I never got all of it) and multiple items in the box were damaged. These were things we'd gotten on trips or bought together. He'd smashed them up and mailed them to me. Then just in case I might think they got broken in transit he made sure to leave me a note that he smashed them up. The memory just came out of nowhere.

I know I could use some more counseling-I never did get counseling specifically for abuse, or trauma, or PTSD. I had individual therapy for anxiety and depression, and CBT, which was really helpful for anxiety. But I had other stressors at that time, my daughter and bf being in crisis, and wasn't thinking about my abusive marriage at that time at all. Ironically, it was sometime during my bf and daughter being in crisis that I even came to realize for the first time I had been abused, and I just wasn't ready to deal with it at all at that time. I was researching my bf's PTSD, and there was a link to a website about abuse, and I read the webpage and thought, OMG, this was my marriage!!!

I would really like to get more counseling as soon as it's feasible for me cost wise.

I have experienced forgetting, but it was during the abuse. I repressed some really painful things. One thing I read about in my journal years later, and I knew it was abuse at the time, it was totally humiliating, and I even journaled about telling a good friend about the incident and breaking down crying while telling her, but then I must have forgotten all about it for the next three years! Since getting out of the relationship, I do remember things, but it's more like I didn't know it was abuse at the time and now suddenly I am realizing it was part of the pattern. I'm not sure if that's the same thing you describe or not.

Been experiencing this too lately. Like others mentioned, it's a trigger -- something that triggers those memories, which can be a sig of PTSD. I know it's not fun and can be emotional to get through this. But like others have also mentioned, it's good to meet with a qualified abuse therapist to work through this.

I am going through the same thing as I am in the midst of TRYING to recover. I found though for me that I sort of shut out the whole relationship- bad and good. it was like it sort of never happened and here I am years later. I have NO one to talk my feelings out with so maybe that is why I just keep choosing to forget (if that is what is happening, I dont know).
The nightmares are the worst. Are you having these?

I do have nightmares, but pretty infrequently. Then they seem to happen in clusters. When I was married I had them ALL THE TIME towards the end-I remember that. I don't like to talk about the nightmares-they kind of freak me out. They are very violent, although there was not violence in my marriage, it was emotional, verbal.

Apparently I go through it everyday! because I can't seem to get past how good things were, when in reality they were not. So I forget about when he choked me, when he called me a bitch, whore, when he slapped me open handed, when he lied about the whole situation and I have it on video, I saw everything he said and he LIED! I also forgot about the time he tried to commit suicide, went out into the street and made a complete ass of himself, called me on the phone and yelled at me because I wouldn't answer him because i was sitting in traffic and not wanting to fight with him, he couldn't stop calling me he must have called 100 times. I wouldn't pick up the phone, I wouldn't play into his crap. I forgot how he treated me so badly after I stuck by him at the hospital, it's like I forgot all this because I didn't want to see things for what they really were.

I know what your saying cant74deal, it does pop up every now and then. He's been gone for 2 months and on the days he wouldn't call me I would find myself thinking about him, and it would be good things. Never bad.

It's funny like as much trauma as I have suffered, why I choose to block out the bad is like 2nd nature to me, and this goes way back to the age of 7. I can remember every instance of abuse I suffered in my life, but I choose to block it out, if I didn't I'd probably be in a mental institution somewhere.

I dont' know why it happens, like MTC said, it's a trigger, but IMHO I think it reminds us of what we never want to go through again. I think it is there for a reason. Maybe it's protection. I don't know it's weird. I know what you mean you can be doing laundry and standing by the dryer and all of a sudden a memory pops into your head, and your like Oh yea, that did happen. It happens to me a lot.

However, it's kind of like that tragedy of 911. Those are images we will never forget.

I don't like it either, but I know, it will go away eventually. Sometimes, I will be sitting here and remember something my 2nd exhusband did, and think to myself, why on earth did I think about him? It is very traumatic, and very sad that we endured a life such as this.

I'm sorry didn't mean to ramble on. i like the idea of hypnotherapy now that i will be working i may look into that, I'm sure it's expensvie, but I'm sure its an investment I will never regret. If I can take care of me with all the selfcare this would definately be on my list.

We deserve a better life. A life free of abuse, in our mind and souls.

You do deserve better Mending. I have never forgotten your abuser tried to strangle you. I think he is dangerous-I mean, clearly. I am sorry you've gotten so desensitized to abuse because you've endured so much of it. You couldn't have done anything about it when you were little, but you can now.

I forget all the bad experiences and just miss the good, which is unhealthy and irrational for me. I had to write down the bad to remember reality so that I don't get caught up in the fantasy and regret what I walked away from. I don't know why the bad memories leave so easily.

I don't know, but I think it's a psychological defense mechanism. When things are too painful they get tucked away, deep in our subconscious until we are ready to deal with them.

I had a heck of a flashback last night-very crystal clear, no doubt about it-I was THERE for a few seconds like a flash, which I've never experienced before. Immediate full blown panic attack afterwards which I hadn't had in months, but it was related to a different trauma than my abusive relationship.

That happens to me a lot! Its like PTSD from the abuse. It even will put me in a terrible mood - I might feel depressed, sad, or angry all of a sudden when it floods in. Your not alone - we have been through terrible traumatic experiences and that's our brains way of protecting us. Hard to understand but I do know how you feel first hand. I have been having that happen daily so far. Sometimes I journal it so I can let it out. Sometimes it makes me cry. A lot of emotions.

That's why I started keeping a journal. I was forgetting the bad stuff, and feeling like a crazy person all the time.

Now that I have been journaling about six months, I can see so clearly the patterns and the bullshit. It's been amazing for me to see over just six months how I have spent the last 20 years, and not even realized it.

Ilene's card index exercise has also made a huge difference for me to see the patterns and the excuses.