Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
This is a first for me and I am not quite sure what to say. But I know I need someone to help me to grow stronger and overcome my past failures. Time is of the essence and I need to be whole and strong again very soon. The ironic part of that last sentence is that I can not remember a time in my past when I was strong and whole. I have many issues to overcome and have tried any way possible to get therapy, however due to being a single parent and sole provider, I have not found anyone to help me work through my issues. So here I am, feeling lost and alone. I recognize that I have created this tomb, and have hope that this is where I should be in order to grow within. I could go all the way back to my childhood and talk about my father giving me up. My mother having to work three jobs and eventually make the hard decision to send me to live with family due to finance and poverty. I could talk about my first born baby that I had to decide to take away his ventilator at 4 days old and let him go. I could talk about my childhood romance that resulted in 17 yrs marriage with three affairs and the final affair resulting in our divorce. But what I need help with most is: Advice. After my divorce, I went on a dating website, met a guy. It seemed perfect. I had never dated before and was taught a lesson that haunts me daily. I got pregnant and even though I had already began to see his lies, I felt that the baby deserved a chance as a family. This began a 1 and 1/2 yr HELL. When I was 4 mos pregnant, he began doing drugs. Robbing from me, pawning my jewelry, cheating on me, using all my weakness against me. He quit working, stole my credit cards, and long a short of it, he completely SUNK me financially. When I tried to leave, he manipulated me and manipulated my friends into believing that I was the issue. At 8 months pregnant, he woke me up begging for money, I refused. This escalated into a horrific night. He forced me out of bed, drug me down the hall. I tried to not go and he began to choke me. He left his entire hand marked as a bruise into my neck. Did I learn? After the baby was born, he begged and said he changed. I was weak. Thus ensued bank account shutdown x 6. More physical and mental abuse, stealing and even put a drug dealer sex offender on my credit card. His final deed was stealing my older son's check and committing fraud and forgery. Then stealing someone gun and sending me a death threat. That was June 2011. He has been incarcerated since and will be released next year in July. I HAVE TO BE READY
Bluerows02
My goal is to find peace, forgive myself and make the best decision for my baby. After his incarceration, I lost my job, closed myself up and lost all friends. I was financially and emotionally destroyed. I still am... I fear I will not be strong enough when he is released. I fear I will fail. I had a breakdown shortly after in 2011. I have struggled and fought every day. I am on the uphill climb but it seems that every step up I take, I fall two steps back. I have moved, and found employment. I am living on my own and making ends meet. But I have placed myself in an even greater solitude. Hence the reason I am on this site.
Bluerows02
I am so tired of constantly fighting. I worry I am creating my own drama. Todays latest is my doc changed my antidepressant two mo ago, and told me I could call in for a refill. Well, that didn't work and going three days without the medicine was not nice. So I went during lunch to find out why they would refill the medicine and they informed me that the previous Dr didn't complete the assessment correctly and I would need to make an appt for assessment separately to a dr appt. Now understand, this medication is not narcotic nor controlled and I have been on antidepressants since I was 17. I have just started getting my bills correct, I have only been working in my job for two months and of course the appt hrs conflict with work. I literally broke down in the lobby. In additional my baby has been a sick child. I have already had to miss work and take off days for his appt. I live in fear of losing this job, I panic every morning about being late. I live on stress. So here I am, I will live here until lease is up then I need to decide whether to move back to the baby's father family area. I have to decide how I am going to interact with him about his son and visitation. I have to listen to the baby's nana say how much she misses us and put on the guilt trip. I was allowing the father to call and "speak" with his son. But that backfired and it set me back mentally, so I closed that door. What do I do next year when h is free?
Join the Conversation