Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Not sure what to say as I am not feeling positive due to spending the last 5 days alone in my house basically except for a trip to get groceries but I guess I want to to say if your feeling alone..just know your not alone in that feeling. If that makes sense? I was suppossed to be on my way to California with my ex abuser to stay for a week to get away for the holidays. I chose to follow my gut and not only not go but start up NC again as he has not changed (honestly only gotten worse with his addictions, wrecking his car twice since I have been back in touch, having a gun stolen while trying to either sell or buy drugs in a bad neighborhood and has wanted me to view porn with him -something he never did in the almost 4 yrs we have dated on and off.) While it is hard to be alone through the holidays, I do believe that being with someone who prefers to speed and take chances, sleep with his female friends (revealed to me finally) and engage in risky behavior including this trip which most likely is a drug and money laundering trip..I chose ME. It hurts to know I will never have back the person he pretended to be in the very beginning but I can't choose that life. I had a long talk with his Mom and he has been trouble since his teens. She totally took my side and told me to look out for me...that she dreads his calls. I guess my point is that You all are very precious, beautiful souls that deserve to feel loved, safe and cherished. Please try to look out for you and love yourself. I am on the edge of it and it's so very hard. I am pretty down right now, knowing he is enjoying his trip and he skates through trouble, but I have to believe in the saying..."This too shall pass." May everyone have a peaceful Christmas and it is my wish that soon everyone will have an abuse free life. Love and Light...
You are not alone either :) (HUG) Merry Xmas and wish you the best of everything in 2014! xx
well done you your amazing
My kids are leaving tomorrow and I'll soon be rattling around the house trying to keep busy. I crave the rest, but also hate the aloneness. Thanks for your thoughtful post.
I think my wake up call was the fact that he had told me before the weekend I stayed that I did not need to bring any money with me as long as I was with him and yet, it was odd how he would treat to dinner with friends in public, yet when it was just me and him, sometimes I would buy and then the final kicker was he found some tennis shoes we both liked on sale and said lets go get them. When we got to the register, I didn't have any cash on me or credit card and assumed he would buy them as a gift as he suggested going and getting them and he had bought them last time we were together. Guess what? It really is true that the abuser romance period gets less and less each time. He not only did NOT buy my pair, but embarrassed me in front of the sales clerks by saying loudly, "Oh I guess, I am paying for these as well?!" I ended up reimbursing him as soon as we got back with a personal check for that amount.
That is when it really hit me, my "worth" to him. I ended up stopping payment on my open check when I got home and texting him goodbye, telling him I was broke and he did not love me so there was no point in carrying on with me.
Of course he pretended to not understand and I remained NC. He never brought up the love aspect, only that he was not after my money. He called the week before he left, saying he did not need my money, just someone to help him drive for the trip.
Still no mention of emotions or I miss you or is there a problem?
Just that he all of a sudden sold his other business and a house he had up for sale and now only had the one business. LIke all had worked out for him and he was set to go on vacation.
I found it really odd.
Oh well.
14 days NC and struggling but hoping this is it and hoping to remain strong.
I hope you can remain NC, and learn to value yourself. I know that is the hardest thing for me to do.
its funny how the abusers are addicts themselves, hes addcited to drink smoking being a hermit and much more, but we are the lucky ones i guess although right now it feels rubbish but we got out, we will survive i know that but finding me again and doing for me is foreign to me,
the support here is brilliant so i think we both and everyone else will be ok, all the time we can open up and talk about it we can hopefully move on and be abuse free like you say
Stay strong my friend, I'm right there with you...