I sure hope it stays this way. Its weird because there are moments where I feel unsettled because he hasn't tried to contact me like I secretly want him to try so I know he cares. I know its not reality - I just get that twinge of feelings once in a while. I slipped last Saturday and replied to a text and I think because I told him "my ex is here and he doesn't want you here" he has stopped contacting me. Its ironic because his wife used to come to his house and say she didn't want me there when she was there. She did that many times and he never did anything about it. He would actually walk outside and start watering the lawn and leave me in the house with her. I think if he cared one bit about me he would have told her to leave when she did that.
I know it wasn't love and he just used me. Makes me feel bad about myself and like a fool. Sometimes I ask myself why did I let this happen to me? I don't even know why. Now it might be possible to erase him especially if he leaves me alone. There have been so many very bad experiences with him.
Last May he stood behind me when my neighbor came up and punched me in the neck and he didn't do anything to stand up for me. I guess maybe he was scared. I had got in an altercation with the guys wife because her pit bull attacked a cat in my front yard. I told her to restrain her dog and get off my property and she cussed me out so I told her "F@#! you Jerry Springer Bitch" (excuse my language) and she shoved me, I lost it and punched her with a right hook on the side of her head and she almost fell to the ground. She went home and told her husband my son put his hands on here (a lie) and he came over after my son who is 19 the man is 50 something.
My son luckily was in the house. He was banging and kicking my front door yelling for my son to come out and I yelled to my son to stay in the house and don't come out and the guy ran over and punched me in the neck while my ex stood right behind me just watching. Then when I told my ex he was a witness to what happened he said he didn't see him punch me. I told my ex how did you not see? You were standing right behind me?
Later he changed it to I saw him swing at you but I didn't see him hit you. Oh wow really? So I felt abandoned at that moment too. I had to handle the whole scene while my jerk ex stood there like an idiot.
My son was so angry and so was I. I resent so many things about him and the things he did. I just needed to get some of that off my chest. I feel anger just thinking about it. It has been so hard for me especially because I have Bi Polar disorder and PTSD which is why I think when that lady acted the way she did and then shoved me in the chest my switch flipped and without even thinking I had punched her so fast I didn't even know what happened. I react if someone puts their hands on me - I have major PTSD from my previous ex who was physically abusive (&emotionally) that I didn't feel any pain when they hit me. When that guy punched me I didn't feel anything and I wanted to hit him so bad but the police showed up right then and saved him. He had four people come over with him too.
This neighborhood is terrible - it used to be nice and I know most of my neighbors for so long - since i came here in 2000. But some moved in who are rotten. The same people tried to steal packages from my other neighbor (she came and told me) and she found out they got her stuff and he brought it back to her because she confronted him and they had actually wrapped her stuff like they were going to give them as presents.
Sometimes I say is all this my fault? Do I make people abuse me? Do I do something to deserve the abuse? That makes me feel so sad and terrible inside. I feel like I am so unlovable and so worthless. I am just being honest. I hate my life sometimes.