First of all, thank you to this group. This is my first time dealing with an emotionally abusive relationship, and you've shed so much light on my situation, especially the concept of gas lighting.

I knew something was fishy with this guy a couple weeks in. He didn't like me spending time with my friends and became very passive aggressive about it, punishing me by withholding his time and attention when I would. His huge major issue was that I had planned a Thanksgiving trip with my best friend - who happens to be male - before we met. He accused me of lying and cheating. We had a huge fight about that and he accused me of a number of other things, such as being a lunatic with a terrible memory, being insecure and oversensitive, calling me a "spoiled menace." I unfriended him on Facebook and downloaded an app to block his number, except...

It didn't work. He texted me a few days later, full of apologies and explanations, wanting to try again. For some reason I was able to tell myself I was emotionally detached enough at that point that I had nothing at risk, that I could take control over the situation and simply enjoy the many things I liked so much about him. So we started dating again. He made a real effort to discuss how it wasn't my fault what happened, that he had trust issues from his past relationships and his mother, etc. (I swear to God, I am NEVER dating a guy with mommy issues again!). He was incredibly sweet and doting and talked many times about how he wanted our relationship to continue in the future.

But of course he was unable to keep up the facade. Unsurprisingly the whole thing came to a head with the whole Thanksgiving trip. He started making snide comments about my "f**k fest" and giving me the cold shoulder, not wanting to see me before I left and when I tried to call him on it accusing me of making problems out of nothing. During the trip I texted him daily and kept getting brushed off. When I got back I asked if I would see him and was coldly told no. I asked why he was pushing me away and he responded "I'm not spending all goddamn day dealing with your f**king feelings." That blew me away. He immediately said he regretted it, but it couldn't be unsaid.

In that moment I was done. I should have told him so, but in my naivete I just hoped he would leave me alone. Ironically, the next day I got a message from him breaking up with me. But he still wanted to be friends, yada yada. I told him I absolutely agreed about not dating, but he'd treated me terribly and I had to think about being friends. He basically threatened that if I chose not to be friends I would just be adding to his list of reasons why he didn't want to date me. He refused to tell me any of those reasons, saying he'd tell me when some time had passed.

Luckily logic and my own self worth prevailed. I spent a day formulating a response telling him I really don't want any continuing relationship with him and sent it today. He immediately responded that "those weren't the things that I found distasteful," [i.e. the fact that I tried to clarify what was going on with his mood swings and mixed messages] inciting me to wonder what it was that I did to disgust him and push him away. I'm trying very hard to combat those inner voices of criticism and self doubt. I know that's exactly what he wants. I'm starting therapy in a couple weeks to continue the process of healing that starts today. I feel like I've learned so many important lessons about emotional abuse from this guy and want to turn it into a positive thing moving forward.