I have also let go of friendships apart from one who I don't see but speak to on the phone, she is very much the only person who gets me because we r on the exact wave length

But I can tell u from experience that since I split with my ex I found out who my real friends are and have have one! Just one!

And all my friends were only my friends they weren't his so he's not the reason I don't have friends.

I take it like this, whilst I am growing (everyday) I am not ready to make friendships because I would probably make a friend and not in a big headed way but I'd out grow them or just get off that wave length and I'd be onto the next. At the moment I am growing and no one Would keep up, we would drift apart quickly! This is not something I am putting on myself, I crave friendships, deep meaningful ones, but it's just my time to grow right now so I don't think the universe Is sending me any friends!

My one friend is 58 years old, I am 31, she is as deep a person as me and we can talk about anything, one of my ex friends said to me before our friendship drifted "your very deep, I'm black and white and you're every shade of grey" and it's because I ask why, and I am in touch with feelings and answers that she doesn't understand me because she goes out, gets drunk, has her hair done and nails and she's happy with life that way, just plodding along in her own little world, and I'm very different, I will ask "what is empathy? Or what is the meaning of life"

Basically she couldn't understand why I was getting counselling for my relationship with my ex but that's because he doesn't get it! Doesn't get what I went through and was never really ready to see beyond her world!

You may find that your new outlook on life is a result of seeing abuse differently!

I also see another friend as someone who's always abuses me! So I pulled away from her both were my best friends!

Loosing friends whilst your healing (growing) is hard, but also it's good because your shedding the old and when you've healed (grown) you'll be able to PICK who u want in your life and who u don't. U won't be friendless forever and neither will I, this is only a breather!

Itwist, thisis not an easy road. I moved across the country, stayed with friends until my disability came through, have reconnected with just a few people, did not go on Facebook for months, got a puppy, stay home, see my kids and as the weather is getting cooler going outside. What has saved my life is counseling, the love of my few friends, and swimming. Swimming tires my body and mind. All you have to do is go back and forth. Despite my self I have lost weight and my bum knee is stronger. You are so right that you lose contact with lots of people when something like this happens. Maybe they are people I didn't need in my life. I only want loving, kind supportive people in my live. And tomorrow I go to therapy too.
You will get Ok with your life, like me and maybe someday it will be wonderful.

Hey sweetie, it was me. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but it was the best one for me. I'm not suggesting anyone else do what I did, just sharing what worked for me. I actually didn't have a lot of local friends at the time I left because we had become so isolated. The one 'good' friend I had was horribly unsupportive, even after I supported her thru an affair & subsequent divorce. I did end that friendship. After I moved out is when I decided I wasn't going to seek out new friends until I'd done some therapy. I did do some other things so I interacted w/people.

Even tho I didn't actively seek out friends IRL, I did attend a divorce support group called Rebuilding. I met people there and sometimes did things w/them. I also did things w/my neighbor. I took adult ed classes. I learned Reiki. I joined a couple of discussions group. And I went to therapy faithfully. I worked on me. I learned that being alone is ok and that one can be alone and not be lonely. Also one can be in a room full of people and be very lonely.

I began to learn to enjoy being w/myself. I spent hours on DS chatting w/friends. (Sadly DS dumped chat, but there are other free chat rooms where you can still be anonymous like chatzy.com.) I learned to recognize red flags in this group (trolls, abusers, etc.) which helped me learn to trust my gut. I got validation & unconditional love. I learned from others and hopefully I helped others too. I think that's part of the healing process (when one is ready).

My experience on DS helped me to trust my gut when I started making friends IRL and realize that they were abusive or just plain toxic. I was able to end a year long friendship w/someone IRL who turned out to be abusive. It took the whole year for them to turn their abuse on me. Before that I just noticed how negative they were. We had so much in common, I overlooked her negativity. As soon as she turned it on me, I was done!


As i read your post, it occurred to me that you might want to check in w/the friends you think you have lost. It could be that he has gotten to them first and lied to them about who you are and that you don't need/want them in your life any more. Unless you have heard from them directly, I encourage you to check in w/a couple of them. Be honest as to what happened. You might be surprised!!

My ex actually told me that he had talked to my family and that they told him I was crazy to leave him & that they were on his side. Of course they denied when I checked it out. He told all kinds of huge lies to my adult kids (and anyone else who would listen) who then started pulling away from me. He actually took a smidgen of truths and twisted them up so badly they weren't even recognizable! I chose to take the high road and not speak badly of him to them & just let my true self be seen. It was my DIL who figured it out first. Then my son. Eventually the ex showed his true self to them and my other child has finally figured out I am not who he made me out to be. It took time, but I just kept loving them & accepting where they were.

So I encourage you to check in w/your friends.

Sending you hugs of hope!!!

I am truly amazed by the depth, kindness and intelligence of the folks in this forum. It is completely unfathomable that you and I have been subjected to such foul treatment at the hands of someone who proclaims or proclaimed to love us. Truly, truly sick stuff.

True Colors...I did just that. I reached out to one of my "lost" friends today. We are making plans to get together. But I feel like its kind of a catch 22. I don't want to get together and fall apart in front of her. I want to be strong and be able to tell my story with dignity. I'm sure I am not capable of that just yet.

Thanks ladies. You are all like a life support right now.