Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
well, i am working on paperwork so that i don't have to do it after i get out of the military sometime within the next couple of months... and whenever i do any sort of this type of paperwork... i get... not depressed... but very sad... and feelings of "i'm not good enough" aplenty... and i know it is only slightly connected to the abuse... it is still connected, especially since a motivating thought behind all of this... well... back when i was drinking( but after i joined) i nurtured a fantasy that i would see my dad while i was in my uniform... and that he would finally accept me as a true son.... well... of course that never happened, especially after i got sober, and regained my mind...
But it was there nonetheless... and now that i am getting medically "kicked the fuck out" of the military... i feel like i am not good enough... that once again, my father's voice comes back to haunt me on how i am not good enough. How my brother and/or stepbrothers were taller, could run faster, get better grades... always i was the weak one... And well...
A big difference between me now and then... well, first off, i know that for the bullshit it is... and the fact that i am the only person in my generation to join the military... and you guys know something... there is only a small percentage of the population that can make it to the Submarine Force in the USN... and i was one of them...
My brother... he could never do anything that was not for him... and joining the military, for me it was both a selfish and non-selfish thing. I was going nowhere in my life... and i had no meaning to it. i wanted meaning, so i joined not only the military, but to be one of the best. And i was there... my god how i was there...and then i got sick...
iu don't want to feel like a piece of shit anymore... and it is so hard right now. Why is it, that even after i deal with my shit, that it keeps coming back at times of stress to haunt me?
But it was there nonetheless... and now that i am getting medically "kicked the fuck out" of the military... i feel like i am not good enough... that once again, my father's voice comes back to haunt me on how i am not good enough. How my brother and/or stepbrothers were taller, could run faster, get better grades... always i was the weak one... And well...
A big difference between me now and then... well, first off, i know that for the bullshit it is... and the fact that i am the only person in my generation to join the military... and you guys know something... there is only a small percentage of the population that can make it to the Submarine Force in the USN... and i was one of them...
My brother... he could never do anything that was not for him... and joining the military, for me it was both a selfish and non-selfish thing. I was going nowhere in my life... and i had no meaning to it. i wanted meaning, so i joined not only the military, but to be one of the best. And i was there... my god how i was there...and then i got sick...
iu don't want to feel like a piece of shit anymore... and it is so hard right now. Why is it, that even after i deal with my shit, that it keeps coming back at times of stress to haunt me?
I know what you mean, I have spent half my life trying to get my dad to approve of me, and the other half being reckless cuz I didn't matter, or just wanted him to notice me.
Any time I am not perfect, it still makes me feel far less than
It's not relly about him anymore, but those feelings are ingrained somewhere.
Good luck! keep telling yourself, you didn't screw up, you ARE great, you are just living the best way you can. Doesn't make anyone else better at it than you, just different.
Much Luv!!
Your medical problems happened. They do not signify failure. Get yourself some therapy and start loving yourself. This will be the first step to healing.
Good luck!
All I can tell you is to acknowledge the meanies but don't let those thoughts keep running around in your head without any adult supervision. Go to a mirror in your home right now and look yourself in that glass and tell yourself how much you love yourself....3X. Find something that you enjoy doing and do it. Feed yourself kindness. How would you treat your best friend if s/he was going through this?
You HAVE accomplished alot in your life. You DO contribute greatly to this site. You offer honesty, maturity, integrity and wisdom to others going through the their own life-dramas.
Feel the meanies but detach and don't stay with them for too long. It's just the hangover shit from years ago. You know that to be true.
i think you should be so proud of yourself for making the accomplishments that you have made- and also for having the courage to look inside of yourself for how to deal with both your medical stuff and your emotional stuff.
i know this was posted a few days ago- so i hope you are feeling better now about things.