Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So right after I found some e-mails that suggested he was talking with other girls and confronted him about it all he could focus on is how I found the information. I finally blew up and told him I went through his e-mail and that was it. Even when I gave him a chance to explain he told me he didn't owe me an explanation and don't even get him started on me. It pretty much ended there and I started saying everything that was building up in my head for the past 2 years...How he was selfish, narccisistic, a loser, a sorry excuse for a man etc...
Now its been a week and a half, I've changed my phone number and after some unsatisfying e-mail addresses where he still refused to explain anything, and told me I never loved him and treated him like shit, my e-mail is different now.
What I need to know is how come I cant stop thinking about him and wondering "what if I had just been calmer when I had confronted him?" Did I cause this and could i have changed it. Maybe i did overreact. What is so hard is the logical part of my brain tells me I deserve better and I'm glad this happened, if he really did care he would have forgiven me for going through his e-mail and he would have explained what I had found. But then the other side says, it was your fault stacy, you did overreact, you are too sensitive, now you've lost all those hugs and kisses and the "i love yous" and "I miss yous".
Has anyone else ever felt like this? And how do you overcome it?
Now its been a week and a half, I've changed my phone number and after some unsatisfying e-mail addresses where he still refused to explain anything, and told me I never loved him and treated him like shit, my e-mail is different now.
What I need to know is how come I cant stop thinking about him and wondering "what if I had just been calmer when I had confronted him?" Did I cause this and could i have changed it. Maybe i did overreact. What is so hard is the logical part of my brain tells me I deserve better and I'm glad this happened, if he really did care he would have forgiven me for going through his e-mail and he would have explained what I had found. But then the other side says, it was your fault stacy, you did overreact, you are too sensitive, now you've lost all those hugs and kisses and the "i love yous" and "I miss yous".
Has anyone else ever felt like this? And how do you overcome it?
It's not your fault.
You did NOT over-react.
Your overall observation
that he's a selfish
narcissistic
sorry excuse for a man
sounds like the more accurate one.
You are NOT "too sensitive."
You've only lost the "love yous' and "miss yous"
of a selfish, narcissistic, sorry excuse of a man.
Don't you think you can find
someone more worthy of you?????
I developed an excersize to help
recover from losing a loser. It's
called Ilene's (Clarifying) Index Card exercise.
It's on DS here somewhere. If you want it
but can't find it, PM me and I'll send it to you.
Missing someone who wasn't even ever
really good to us is unfortunately, quite common.
The good news is, is that there are ways
to feel better, recover, and even to make
sure that the same thing doesn't happen
again.
Sending you hugs and healing thoughts.
Take good care.
1. Narcissist abusers are great at deflecting the blame back at you. They are as convincing...
2. We are caring, empathetic people who are willing and capable of questioning strong emotions, a natural reaction for us. He cannot question his own behavior because he cannot fathom there is something wrong with him.
Good for you for getting out and for dumping him. You had good reason to and it sounds like you dodged a bullet by stopping the relationship.
Breaking up still sucks. Hugs to you for better days ahead...