So i've started working though my feelings that are coming up. I've been feeling so much anger. It's anger at my father. Anger over how he treated me. his "disappointment" and "sadness" when he couldn't manipulate me into working with him. Because I was sick or tired or just depressed. And i'm angry at my sister for all the guilt she put on me for not working with them as well. She never believed me. My sister would always take his side. I couldn't stand dad's passive-aggressive manipulation, his anxiety, his anger, his stress, his OCD, his hoarding. My sister's disappointment. her anger, her stress. acting like she was everyone's boss. The air around them, their anger and stress pained me. It made me overwhelmed. I would hide in my head or in the internet or in my music. I would bring my ipod everywhere so if i needed to retreat i could.

They both were passive-aggressive and talked about people behind their backs. They talk about me when i'm not there. Bad mouthing me, because i'm "lazy" and sick, and "weak", tired, and because i wouldn't work with them. One time dad said to my mom that he didn't want to go to work "her" jobs. Uh... her jobs? how about his jobs. He was saying that these jobs, that he owns the contracts, he gets paid for them, and asks/manipulates me into helping are my jobs? No.

They also bad mouth my mom. Criticizing her and becoming frustrated with her because she is sick all of the time or tired or depressed or her thoughts are slow or something isn't clean or they can't find something or she gets lost easily when we go shopping or she walks slow. No way of pleasing them.

And when they are with my uncle they are passive-aggressive and so is he. The stress and tension between them is painful. The air around any of them is toxic and harmful.

I have every right to be angry about their actions. They are harmful, hurtful, and abusive.

I internalized those feelings because they had nowhere to go. OS now they are coming out. No more suppressing. I am angry and that is okay.