Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
For those of you that aren't aware of my story, i'd broken up with an emotionally abusive boyfriend and not contacted him for over a year. I didn't know the true extent to what he was doing, i just knew i'd ended up very depressed and feeling like it was my fault the relationship ended. I got over him and but out of loneliness one night, i saw him online and asked him how things were going. I don't know why i did but wish i hadn't. I felt a bit off even after a brief chat with him and told him i had to go.
A couple of days go by and i put it off as a silly thing to do and wasn't thinking about contacting him again. My friend then rang me telling me he'd been in touch with her asking for my number. He contacts me, asking to catch up over drinks sounding more interested than he ever has. Because i was busy all week he even offered to come straight from the airport after his holiday. He was very sweet, and kept texting me asking how i was and how excited he was to see me. He comes over, says he doesn't have money for drinks so we went back to mine. He told me he missed me, brought me a bracelet, was cuddling up to me and stroking my arm.
I was so overwhelmed by his affection and interest in me from how disinterested and unloved he made me feel before that i kissed him.. and one thing then led to another. I told him i liked him and wanted more than sex, he said the same and that he wanted to take it slow and see how things went. I thought we were seeing each other again and i kept having sex with him. After months of increasing disinterest on his part i confronted him and he said "he never wanted a relationship" and after telling him i wouldn't be there only for sex anymore he didn't even get back to me. I felt like i'd been thrown away now i wasn't useful.
The thing that hurts me most though is that i initiated everything and i feel like i'm all to blame. I began talking to him and i initiated all the sex because i loved sharing something so intimate with him. Now i feel humiliated and naive in myself for viewing it this way, when in reality it was just to get him off. Now i'm starting to see all the ways he hurt me before, i just feel disgusted that i not only let him do these things to me, but initiated it myself! I keep thinking of how much to blame i am; that i made the first move, he never made any promises and i kept having sex with him. Now i'm seeing more clearly about how he abused me, i feel ashamed that i let this happen.
Thanks everybody
A couple of days go by and i put it off as a silly thing to do and wasn't thinking about contacting him again. My friend then rang me telling me he'd been in touch with her asking for my number. He contacts me, asking to catch up over drinks sounding more interested than he ever has. Because i was busy all week he even offered to come straight from the airport after his holiday. He was very sweet, and kept texting me asking how i was and how excited he was to see me. He comes over, says he doesn't have money for drinks so we went back to mine. He told me he missed me, brought me a bracelet, was cuddling up to me and stroking my arm.
I was so overwhelmed by his affection and interest in me from how disinterested and unloved he made me feel before that i kissed him.. and one thing then led to another. I told him i liked him and wanted more than sex, he said the same and that he wanted to take it slow and see how things went. I thought we were seeing each other again and i kept having sex with him. After months of increasing disinterest on his part i confronted him and he said "he never wanted a relationship" and after telling him i wouldn't be there only for sex anymore he didn't even get back to me. I felt like i'd been thrown away now i wasn't useful.
The thing that hurts me most though is that i initiated everything and i feel like i'm all to blame. I began talking to him and i initiated all the sex because i loved sharing something so intimate with him. Now i feel humiliated and naive in myself for viewing it this way, when in reality it was just to get him off. Now i'm starting to see all the ways he hurt me before, i just feel disgusted that i not only let him do these things to me, but initiated it myself! I keep thinking of how much to blame i am; that i made the first move, he never made any promises and i kept having sex with him. Now i'm seeing more clearly about how he abused me, i feel ashamed that i let this happen.
Thanks everybody
Don't beat yourself up.
You're much wiser now.
Instead of focusing on
being disappointed in
yourself, focus on
HIS ABUSE. HE's
the one who
owns the shame!!!!!!!
Every one of us on this board fell for it. That's why we're here. We were all duped, we were all conned. The shame of that is not ours.
Don't beat yourself up for not knowing what you didn't know.
I know it must hurt but I too was also conned into sex with no strings attached by someone a while back and looking back now I'm just glad I didn't get into a relationship with him because he would have conned me with a deep and meaningful relationship (to me) far more than he had conned me into the deep and meaningful (for me at the time) encounter I had with him, based on choice I would rather not have either but if I had to choose I'd rather be briefly conned than conned for years, that's what he did to u the first time (like my abusive ex) and the second time you had a lucky escape (like I did with the guy I met) in not getting into a deep long listing abusive roller coaster relationship like u would have done if he had decided to play the game!
I'm not trying to discount your hurt, I was hurt the same, and I really thought it was the real deal, and I also started the contact, but he pursued me (like your ex) so I have no shame in being genuine and real, I actually respect that I am genuine because I'd hate to be like them!
One day we will all make contact with someone who will be non abusive and a good match !
If not then we will be single and abuse free! Either choice is a bonus than being with an abusive scum bag!
When he became flaky and I confronted him, he even said he thought things were going too fast although we barely saw each other because he was always busy so plans were always on his terms. He was also initiating most of the contact.. although when I text him he'd ignore me. However because I find it so difficult to imagine he could be that heartless to use me and then drop me.. I sometimes wonder if I was too forward which put him off.
I just want this guilt to end.
Just my thoughts on paper :)
He is an asshole and the next time you are lonely, come here and we want to have your company, and will uplift your spirits more than he ever will.
It was just a step backwards and don't beat yourself up over it, look at yourself and how far you have come from when you were first with him, and where you are at now.
Today go for a walk and breath in and out take deep breathes. It will cause those endorphines to work and you will feel better and more positive. Another suggestion, read a self help book. Meditate, sit quietly and think of nothing for 15 mins. I like to read Woman's world, it has a lot of positive affirmations in it.
I hope this helps and I am wishing you a great day today.
(((((hugs)))))))