Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I don't get on DS very much anymore since I'm really not supposed to be on here while at work. Quick update: My H moved out at the end of January and I've felt happier than I have in a very long time! We still haven't filed divorce papers and are still moving through the process... He told me a week ago that he didn't want to end things and wanted me back. I told him that I was not interested in going back to where we were. And then...
I went to lunch with a girlfriend on Friday afternoon. We had a very nice visit, and were walking back to the office when we ran right into my H with another woman!! It was extremely shocking, to say the least. He doesn't work in the same city as me and was the last person I was epxecting to see. The look of terror on his face almost made it worth it... What did I do? Looked straight at him, smiled sweetly, and said my most chipper "hello", and kept going! I felt like I was going to throw up. Now, a few days later, I feel a little sad and disappointed. I still have not heard one word from him about the incident. I have no idea who she is, and not sure I really care.
I'm trying to figure out how to appropriately deal with this and move on. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.
I went to lunch with a girlfriend on Friday afternoon. We had a very nice visit, and were walking back to the office when we ran right into my H with another woman!! It was extremely shocking, to say the least. He doesn't work in the same city as me and was the last person I was epxecting to see. The look of terror on his face almost made it worth it... What did I do? Looked straight at him, smiled sweetly, and said my most chipper "hello", and kept going! I felt like I was going to throw up. Now, a few days later, I feel a little sad and disappointed. I still have not heard one word from him about the incident. I have no idea who she is, and not sure I really care.
I'm trying to figure out how to appropriately deal with this and move on. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.
Although this was shocking, I've found it's typical with these types. They keep several sources of 'supply', and will take it from whomever as long as they can get it. They're so empty and soul-less, they can't be alone.
He can be telling you how much he wants to come back, make promises, etc...and be talking to and/or dating other girls in the meantime. The are just that effed up.
Knowing this may help you understand better, but I know, it still hurts a lot. They lie like they breathe, and we just can't relate to how disturbed they are...thus your very normal reaction.
cali, let me warn you that if he brings it up, he will make sh** up, as in 'she's an old friend, she's a co-worker, she is into me but I'm trying to break it to her that it can't be because I love YOU, or how about...after dating again, and seeing you, I realized you're all I want.
(PUKE)
If anything, this helps validate what you already know about him, and as painful as it is, helps your resolve to keep moving in the right direction...away from your ex-abuser. I hope you feel better soon. (hugs!)
My advice is: keep moving forward and get the divorce. Don't even ask about here because really, she doesn't matter, she is his next victim.
Congrats to you for getting out of the relationship. Hold onto that feeling of relief from not having to live with your abuser and keep going on. That's what I would do. Hugs to you hon, because it is very, very hard.
Honestly though, I smiled and said hello for the sole purpose of making him uncomfortable... There, I said it. :D
I truly do feel sorry for the other girl if she is a new love interest. I guess it will just take time. I'm trying to sit with my feelings and not fight them, but I don't want to dwell on the event either.
CZ is right. These guys are just so disturbed, they cannot face themselves. Gotta have a woman to take care of them.
How to appropriately deal with it is to feel a little sympathy for what she is going to go through, and nothing more. Hard to achieve, but possible.