Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
This weekend was hard. Seeing all the flowers on social media was just a huge reminder, of what I never actually had but thought I might one day have.
TWO WEEKS of NO CONTACT and He shows up at my door with a HUGE bouquet of two dozen pink and red roses, begging my forgiveness. WHY does he do this to me? Again, I'm feeling him pulling me back in.
My dad called me this morning to check on me after Valentine's Day. He said, "So, did you crack and see 'THE Douchebag' last night. I reluctantly replied with just a , "yes", and I could FEEL the shame and anxiety rushing back in. My dad said, " I knew it. I just knew you see him again". He sounded so disappointed in me and ashamed of me.He even laughed at me, like I'm just SO STUPID. I hung up the phone and sobbed.
I am ASHAMED. I feel weak. I'm just a giant shameful joke to my family. They all JUST KNOW I'll take him back. How do you explain something you, yourself, does not even understand?
He can be soooo sweet and wonderful and I just want it to be like that all the time. Why didn't he give me roses the past 3 Valentine's. Why does it take me not speaking to him for two weeks for him to treat me the way I'd like? How can someone tell you they hate you, and you're a whore, and a slut, and they want to "Bury you" and then bring you two dozen roses????
I do not want to be weak. I do not want to feel so discouraged. I do NOT WANT to FEEL MY RESOLVE WEAKENING. I am worth more than two dozen roses given only after a DEATH THREAT. Life can be BETTER!
TWO WEEKS of NO CONTACT and He shows up at my door with a HUGE bouquet of two dozen pink and red roses, begging my forgiveness. WHY does he do this to me? Again, I'm feeling him pulling me back in.
My dad called me this morning to check on me after Valentine's Day. He said, "So, did you crack and see 'THE Douchebag' last night. I reluctantly replied with just a , "yes", and I could FEEL the shame and anxiety rushing back in. My dad said, " I knew it. I just knew you see him again". He sounded so disappointed in me and ashamed of me.He even laughed at me, like I'm just SO STUPID. I hung up the phone and sobbed.
I am ASHAMED. I feel weak. I'm just a giant shameful joke to my family. They all JUST KNOW I'll take him back. How do you explain something you, yourself, does not even understand?
He can be soooo sweet and wonderful and I just want it to be like that all the time. Why didn't he give me roses the past 3 Valentine's. Why does it take me not speaking to him for two weeks for him to treat me the way I'd like? How can someone tell you they hate you, and you're a whore, and a slut, and they want to "Bury you" and then bring you two dozen roses????
I do not want to be weak. I do not want to feel so discouraged. I do NOT WANT to FEEL MY RESOLVE WEAKENING. I am worth more than two dozen roses given only after a DEATH THREAT. Life can be BETTER!
feeling so awful.
You don't need to
feel ashamed.
Breaking attachments
is hard for EVERYBODY,
not just you. You're in a
very large club. You're
not weak. You're normal.
Yes. You ARE worth more
than a delivery of fancy flowers
because your predator is afraid
you're about to get away.
You wrote:
"""""""""""""""""""""""""" How can someone tell you they hate you, and you're a whore, and a slut, and they want to "Bury you" and then bring you two dozen roses????"""""""""""""""""
How????
To ensure that he
doesn't lose his victim,
at least not before he's
done. Apparently he's
not done.
I hope you will be done
with him before he is
(because his "done"
may be the ultimate
in permanent endings).
Hon ----- have you had
or could you arrange to
get some specific therapy
with a qualified therapist?
I urge you get that set up,
if at all possible. Your
life is precious. You are
a flower on the stem of
the universe. And your
worth? There are NO
amount of roses that
could replace even
your little finger.
I'm trying to get in touch with a local counselor. At least I moved out of his house, but it makes affording therapy difficult.
I can tell you need some extra care right now, and I'm sorry your family is talking to you this way. Just remember, we all slip up. It happens. Just move forward, and post on here when you're feeling weak. We're here to listen and support.
I am ASHAMED. I feel weak. I'm just a giant shameful joke to my family. They all JUST KNOW I'll take him back. How do you explain something you, yourself, does not even understand?
I get this - I really get this lostgirl. So many of us get this. The psychological abuse and trauma bonding is what makes us this way. We have to fight with ourselves to do what is best for us. I think it will get easier. This last time I left I told my family that I did not want to hear them say anything about me going back to him. I told them that I knew I have an unhealthy attachment to him and that I was going to do everything I can to stay away. That I needed their support and kindness. And now I am being very careful to not vent to them about the abuse and my current struggle. They WON'T understand this desire for him because it really doesn't make sense.
You are worth more than two dozen roses given only after a DEATH THREAT. Life can be BETTER
So he showed up with flowers. You could've closed the door in his face.
You STILL don't have to take him back.
Tell the jerk to take a hike. Tell him you are wise to his game. Tell your father that you were shocked and stunned on VDay, but now that you're over it, you've told the DB to get lost.
It's not too late!!!
You are worth more than him.
I'm sorry your family seems to be kind of stabbing you in the back instead of having it.
How can he be a sweetheart when he treated you horribly in the first place? Do you see yourself happy with him for 5 years at least? Why bother going back to him? It's not the end of the world, you know.
He gave you the roses because he misses you, but he doesn't really miss you.
You are not a horrible person. You did nothing wrong and it's not your fault. You need to remember that you're a better person than him, so forget him, I say