Maybe we should take the birthday of your ex abuser and turn it into a Freedom Day for ourselves? Use this day to celebrate YOU who was strong and wise enough to get out of a crappy situation to start over.

Hugs to you...it does get better.

isha, I think it's because there are so many loose ends to the relationship, the way it ends - no real answers just acceptance that it is what it is. The love we had was real, no matter what they felt or didn't feel. I think it brings on nostagia at times because of this. No matter how my ex treated me, I don't hate him. But I can't be with him for my own sanity sake.
I like what wvart says about bringing a new meaning to this date...a freedom day. Spend the money you would have spent on him on you..do something good for yourself as a pat on the back for your ability to keep up no contact.
I know it's rough...I'm starting to think ahead for Christmas - I know it'll be a hard time so going to come up with ideas to stay occupied and try to enjoy.
Hugs to you

I still have to wonder if I am cold-hearted, because I am so enjoying the absents of my stbx that I don't even think of him, thought may enter my head that include him, but I pushed them right out...I would make it your day also, that is a great idea Wvart!!!
I think xmas is going to GREAT!! I don't have be bound down to the way he want it to be. Sorry ladies, but I am in a good place to be in my life. I have not heard from him for a while..it is I have PEACE!!!!!!!!!
Take Care

bebopn, I admire your spirit! There is nothing to apologize to us for, you should never be sorry or feel guilty for your happiness...more power to you!!!

i think u feeling low cos of detaching, u r hurtin cos of wat was n now its not, i went thru th same thing it was a weekend wher we were suppose to go to some event that we always go 2getha, i had to b reminded on radio about it, it really hurt even if i wasn't missing him, i was thinkin that he'l b goin wit her but then i decided to go out wit th ladies n did something 4 ourselves n it helped, start accepting that there'l b more years that u won't b part of his bday. n u won't care anymo its normal y u r feeling low.. stay strong...th ladies r rite spoil urself wit wat u were going to buy him.

Thanks Wvart..Awesome suggestion..My freedom Day!!

Yes Calm...I will have to accept that there will be no closure for this relation...It ended coz I had to stay sane...

That's great Betty...Keep it up..

Thanks Ghabbir...Yes it's true I don't miss him as I was never a part of his day on his birthday..He was always to busy..But I was missing a ritual(be the first one to wish him)..But you are right..there are gonna be more and more years where I am no longer a part of his b'days and he will no longer a part of my b'days...

Thank you all..You all have been a great support..

Thank you for this great posting, because I'm in the same boat. Just last night I was up alone, my daughter was asleep, so meemories came up, and I ended up crying, then I thought what the hell, like he is doing the same thing right now too. Yes it hurts! But life goes on, even if it hurts. We learn from our past mistakes. It harder on us because we don't have that normal closure. I to, have been 7 months sinve I spoke or seen him...there is no closure for me. I have speeches ready and practiced in case I have the guts to say to him when I AM ready, whether that is tomorrow or in 20 years.
And I am afraid when our anniver. comes up, but like wvart suggested it will be my freedom day and whenever he signs our divorce papers...that will be my let freedsom ring day.
hug to you and keep your head up.

I hear you isha - it was my ex's birthday last week and I wish I hadn't thought of him, but I did. I am so angry, furious in fact. And I just want it all to go away so i can get on with my life. But the truth is I am so broken, and though I have an abuse support group and a therapist, I don't have a clue about how to put the pieces of me and my life back together again. I feel so overwhelmed.

Anyway, just wanted to mention that I relate to you.

Thanks Turtle..and Courage..Yeah it is tougher for us coz it was an end of a relation for us..Though for them we were just an object to abuse...Mine x has the guts to say that this bday I wish you had called just like that..

Yeah why not..That's why I am working so hard in following NC rule so that I can call you on ur bday and let you manipulate me once again...

Currently concentrating on things which won't remind me of him..Have to get over this feeling...

u wil sweetie, pain is just temporary n wheneva i feel like crying i ask myself is he feeling the same like i m feeling. he doesn't give a sh*t so why should I, n i think of sumthg productive....hang in ther it wil get beta.... if u can make it thru th nite there's a brighter day....take care n much love....