Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
its been a few wks since all this crazy stuff happened. He left in July last year, at xmas I saw him for money & bad bad bad stuff happened a couple weeks ago.I spoke to him twice since then. the last time he said for me to jut move on. I said I have moved on, he said good, i dont want to talk to you anymore, i'm happy being alone with no one to answer to.
why does that bug me? after everything..how can i possibly think that nice guy actually existed?
how is it that i can still miss that guy i fell in love with? i know that it was a mask, i know that he was tricking me, i know that it was all a lie, but what i dont know is why i can possibly think that i'll see that guy again?
I was about to say, i loved him soo much & that there was something about him that i was drawn to, but i realize that its because he was telling me what i wanted to hear in order to get me where he wanted me so he could get what he wanted.
ah..
twisted moments
Is this just lingering crap that's still in my head? What is it that's making me feel anxious & why do I feel like I'm reverting into 'victim' mode?
Is it because he says just move on when it's easy for him, he just leaves & keeps going, me I have to still live in the same place we moved into, have to pay the big lease that he agreed to pay half of, still have to see his name on mail that comes no matter how many times I write moved on the envelope?
or is it simply because I spoke & saw him over the last cple months & I shouldn't have?
is it both? it's probably both..just need some wise words! :)
I know you all have them to share
why does that bug me? after everything..how can i possibly think that nice guy actually existed?
how is it that i can still miss that guy i fell in love with? i know that it was a mask, i know that he was tricking me, i know that it was all a lie, but what i dont know is why i can possibly think that i'll see that guy again?
I was about to say, i loved him soo much & that there was something about him that i was drawn to, but i realize that its because he was telling me what i wanted to hear in order to get me where he wanted me so he could get what he wanted.
ah..
twisted moments
Is this just lingering crap that's still in my head? What is it that's making me feel anxious & why do I feel like I'm reverting into 'victim' mode?
Is it because he says just move on when it's easy for him, he just leaves & keeps going, me I have to still live in the same place we moved into, have to pay the big lease that he agreed to pay half of, still have to see his name on mail that comes no matter how many times I write moved on the envelope?
or is it simply because I spoke & saw him over the last cple months & I shouldn't have?
is it both? it's probably both..just need some wise words! :)
I know you all have them to share
is such a great thing.
Most of us are left with
sentimental strings to
the dream that drew us
into the relationship.
It's a function of
bio-evolution. When
the sentiment is over
an abuser. . . . . .
ignore it.
Sentiment can be countered
with boosting your self-regard
with consistent self-care
and
periodically reviewing your
stack of Clarifying Index Cards.
Don't beat yourself up. Take
good care of yourself and
keep moving away from
dysfunction.
Hugs and happy thoughts.
All kinds of love going
out your way!
Totally off topic... I love your profile pic!! You're so beautiful!!
I would imagine that your anxiety is mostly coming from having seen him and spoken to him. That will mess with your head.
It's so easy to remember the nice things they said and did. All the promises that they made. Unfortunately it's also easy to overlook the truth, which is that these men are pathetic, poor excuses for human beings!!
I'm sorry that you're feeling pain and anxiety.
These guys leave us just a shell of who we once were. It's so unfair.
It will get better. Setbacks are normal. You're gorgeous and you deserve to be treated like a princess, not a doormat!!!!
*hugs*
It WILL get better!!!!!
but.....
and there's always a but..
I still get sucked into thinking that he's going to be nice to me as an ex, and as a parent to our children..
and he fools me every time with nice words, then a few days later, is right back to being mean again...
it's so hard to reconcile the nice things they say and do, against the cruel, abusive things they do...
I think that it just takes time, and we keep getting hurt until we get stronger and get a better life for ourselves..
((big hugs))
Think of how far you've come!
We all hit speed bumps now & then...its ok...we're human...with the right to feel! It's not our fault ABUSERS lack that ability...along with many other abilitys...empathy, compasion, a brain...etc!
dont beat yourself up for hitting a few speed bumps...your still in tact! very strong...on the right path and an inspiration and encouragement to others!
NOW STICK TO NOOOO CONTACT...ITS FOR THE BEST... NO CONTACT = HEALING. Contact = roadblocks in the path to youre healing...and sometimes worse! You don't deserve that because you deserve better! and you've come farther and are stronger!
~rainne
uve helped me so much...n u r strong..
like u tell me its normal to feel that way..
just wanted to tell ya i care n im here.
i so wish i knew what to say..
xoxo n hang in there..
I also think it's the "American Dream." Wanting the nice guy, home with a 2.5 garage, the pickett fence, the well trained dog and those holiday letters that we get from family saying how wonderful their lives are and jack is a football player and jill is a cheerleader, both getting straight A's and travelling abroad come summertime.
No contact is the best. I SO LEARNED THAT. Abuser's just continue the game and change the rules, so only they know the rules at any given time.
I choose life without his interference. And it feels so nice.
~Hugs & Healing Thoughts of Peace & Tranquility~
Look for beautiful things in every day to be happy about. Even if it's just a flower, be grateful that it's there that you got to see it. Gratitude is a great healer.
Big hugs, sweetie. Big big hugs...
You broke up, he told you 'Oh I don't need you'. How many of us talk about the cold shoulder treatment as part of the abuse? That's what it feels like now, for you. Like he's ignoring you, when he should still damn well be appologising. But he's not, so it reminds you of that time.
But it does pass. The memory of it gets weaker (some days are better than others) and then it just becomes one of those slightly uncomfortable things, if you think about it too long.
Being in the same house, with his mail coming to you, has got to be tough. Even though mine was long distance, the memories of him in my flat were still pretty powerful (the hole in the wall was a pretty big reminder for one). When I moved out, I felt much better. Maybe there's a way for you to make the house 'yours' while you're there. Maybe move around some furniture or buy some new cushions or something. Then when you leave, do what I did, get anything that reminds you of him and smash the living crap out of it.
It's a nice release.
You wrote:
"...the last time he said for me to jut move on. I said I have moved on, he said good, i dont want to talk to you anymore, i'm happy being alone with no one to answer to.
why does that bug me? after everything..how can i possibly think that nice guy actually existed? "
I think he's trying to blame you and make you think it's your fault. But it's not your fault at all.
And also I think it is the lingering stuff in our heads. We are traumatized in abusive situations and we all want that nice relationship that Butterfly mentions. We all want that.
There are times we feel so victimized as well. That's because we were. That cycle of abuse is confusing and one day they are nice as pie and the next the abusive one appears again and again.
They all put on a nice persona at first and that is to hook us in. We fall in love with that person and when the abuser comes around we need to leave. No wonder it's confusing. They wear two faces. The one we love and the one that pushes us away.
You're left with a lot to deal with. Take each issue and work with that. You have us here who care a great deal about you and for that you will be ok. In fact, you will be more than ok, you will survive and be a victory.
Hugs Gogo. :)