Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have been out of my emotionally abusive relationship for just over a year, I have started to have guys interested in me again and one guy has sort of asked me out and has given me his number. My first reaction is total fear and want to run away and stop talking to him but I can see that he is doing nothing wrong but I feel like Im being threatened. I dont want to go out on a date yet any way as only just started talking to him but how do I cope with feeling the fear and just talk to him normally?
If this person has healthy bonding relationships then you can go from there.
I recommend taking a friend or a family member or at least and/or making sure you are in a public place and during daylight. This might reduce your fear somewhat.
He'll either respect you and still want to hang, or he'll drop the quest.
Just proceed slowly at your own comfort level.
And post here to keep perspective.
Hugs.
The first is that I would
strongly urge you to look
into counseling with a
highly qualified therapist,
based on what you wrote:
how do I cope with feeling the fear
which sounds like a reaction
close to post traumatic stress.
Second, it just may be
too soon for you to dive
into dating. If you want
to get to know this person
platonically ..... at least.....
first...... that may be a
more comfortable action
for you, at this point.
Third. . . . . . self-care,
Self-Care. . . .
SELF-CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
An indefinite period of
meticulous self-care,
to be followed by an
indefinite period of
loving self-care to
be followed by a
lifetime of routine
and on-going
self-care.
When you're not feeling fear
just talking to someone,
that may be the point to
begin considering socializing
with the possibility of relationship.
At THAT point, you'll want
to know that you have a
checklist of criteria and
red flags that you can
have on hand for yourself.
I agree, one of them
is to learn about the
guy's family of origin.
Another is to see how
he listens to and responds
to your wishes, preferences
and needs.
Another is to see how
he reacts to and responds
to normal or more significant
stresses and frustrations.
And above all, when someone
seems like a candidate, don't
commit to a full-out, full-blown
relationship till you've known
the candidate for no less than
a year and a half. And above
all. . . . don't get pregnant
during that time-frame.
Frankly, in my opinion it
doesn't sound like you're
yet ready to begin dating
with an eye towards
relationship, or probably
not even casual dating.
But that's up to you. Even
if you decide to go out at
this point ---- or especially
if you decide to go out now -----
I'd find a great counselor
and begin working with
him or her.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
serenity and
satisfaction.
Personally, I think it's helpful to really think about how you're feeling. You can do this through therapy or allowing yourself time alone to reflect on your thought process. Spend some time figuring out why you feel that fear, and be super kind to yourself. It's okay if you're simply not ready, and you are allowed to express that. If the other person is disappointed, and if that bothers you greatly, that's another thing to think about, because their disappointment in your decision is their deal and not yours. You deserve respect, especially from yourself. Learn about red flags by the time you feel like possibly dating again, then learn to trust yourself to recognize them and deal with them appropriately. That's just what's helped me, anyway.