Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I went through a verbally abusive relationship for about 10 years with my sons father. With that being said I have a lot of anger issues. Especially with men when they are disrespectful. My brother and I do not get along and he is arrogant and mean and when he says things it sets off something in me and I go completely off on him.
Well last night we had to have a family meeting because we got into a verbal confrontation and in the middle of this everyone asked me why am I so angry and I finally opened up about the past and the fact that I still deal with a lot of anger because of him told them some things that I went through.
Basically everyone told me that I chose to stay and I didn't grow up like that so why would you let a man treat you like this; and why are you still letting it get to you? At that point I felt like everyone was against me instead of understanding what I was going through. I was in tears breaking down talking about this; and they all still said well you chose to go through that. Dont judge until you have gone through it!!!! Now I feel like just shutting down when it comes to my family and going through this alone. I feel very hurt. I feel like when it comes to this I have no one to turn to; except coming on here and getting support. He put me through a lot and I had no voice and now I am dealing with the aftermath. Domestic Violence is real rather it is verbal or physical those are scars that take time to heal.
Well last night we had to have a family meeting because we got into a verbal confrontation and in the middle of this everyone asked me why am I so angry and I finally opened up about the past and the fact that I still deal with a lot of anger because of him told them some things that I went through.
Basically everyone told me that I chose to stay and I didn't grow up like that so why would you let a man treat you like this; and why are you still letting it get to you? At that point I felt like everyone was against me instead of understanding what I was going through. I was in tears breaking down talking about this; and they all still said well you chose to go through that. Dont judge until you have gone through it!!!! Now I feel like just shutting down when it comes to my family and going through this alone. I feel very hurt. I feel like when it comes to this I have no one to turn to; except coming on here and getting support. He put me through a lot and I had no voice and now I am dealing with the aftermath. Domestic Violence is real rather it is verbal or physical those are scars that take time to heal.
Set some boundaries. When you start to feel invalidated, end the conversation, even if that means leaving. You have been through a lot and deserve so much better. I'd also suggest getting counseling. I've done more than my fair share and it has helped me through many stages of anger, grief, etc. with what I have had to deal with in life. There is also lots of great support on DS which is why I and many others are here.
Some people don't even realize that they are doing it.
I like Boo's advice ^^^^. Learn about boundaries. Learn when to disengage. And it'll probably take awhile before it feels OK to do that, but eventually it will. :)
((hugs))
With my own family, I've learned to take the opportunity to educate. I don't try to get them to understand everything at once, I just state my view and let it go. They are understanding more and more, but it's slow and I doubt they will ever fully get it.
Use every resource you have- this site, any friend that might understand, local support groups, hotlines like thehotline.org for example, books, etc.
Keep your truth. Others might not agree but that's OK. Do what is right for you.