Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hello,
I have never posted in this group before, but I would like to share what is going on currently. I need to vent. I'm overwhelmed with stress and a whole bunch of other emotions. So, thank you anyone who reads this.
So, I have been struggling with the fact my father came out about his cheating a year ago. I have always been close to my dad and he needed someone to tell. Unfortunately that put a load of pressure on me because I am also close to my mother. Especially since my mom is disabled and I have been taking care of her alone for the last ten years. She was in a car accident and has PTSD from other events. She suffers greatly mentally and physically. There have been nights where I just sat with my mom in silence as she cried from the pain she is in, so it brought us closer. When my dad admitted to cheating it made me feel like he was running away from the responsibility of taking care of my mom yet again just as he left me as a child to care for her.
My dad is also very controlling and refuses to buy her basic needs things such as soap, clothes, and so on. I had to sneak and buy her those things. He won't take her to the doctor or get her medication. She can't drive, as I said she is disabled. She is completely dependent on him.
I am in school to get an education so I can take care of my mom. But I can't keep going on like this. My mom is being neglected. She has a brain injury and it is important for her to get to a neurologist and her other doctors. We have insurance. He just won't take her. It is a matter of control.
Not only is my dad cheating on her, but it is with women my age. He told me this quite openly. He acted like I wasn't supposed to react at all. I knew what state my mom was in. I couldn't bring myself to tell her when she was so vulnerable.
But recently I found out my dad has been roleplaying parent/child sexual relationships with the women my age. He has also been doing a lot of searches on google for parent/child sexual relationships.
There are at least five women he is talking to and roleplaying out that they are his child and he is having sex with them.
I freaked out and beat the living poop (no swearing) out of him about a year ago for just cheating on my mom while she was disabled. I also found out, from over hearing, that my dad has been forcing my DISABLED mother into having sex with him against his will because he thinks he is entitled to her anytime he pleases. She is in so much pain and suffering she can't have sex. She just can't.
WE ARE MOVING. I am quitting school temporarily and I am taking her to a safe place to live with my friend. We are going to get her to a doctor. We have made it our mission to get my mom better and away from this abusive man.
I personally don't want near him. I am leaving too. My mom and I are packing up the animals and leaving with my friend. She is nice enough to let me bring all of my rats with me.
I've never taken care of myself alone, so this is scary. I'm used to making my mom comfortable by cooking for her and helping her walk, but I have lived on my own. It feels like I have to live for the both of us. I am now an adult and I am learning how to take care of myself and her. I could never leave my mom. Not in conditions like that. She isn't getting her basic needs met. As a human she is entitled to her freedom and NO ONE is entitled to her body. I am happy to say we are leaving ASAP.
I feel like I have lost my dad. He is not the pastor I used to know. He is obsessed with this incest thing. I found countless searches of it on his phone (He lets me use his phone because I don't have one). He changed his email to say "daddy" in it. The women constantly text him calling him daddy and pretending to be his children.
I don't mean this as an attack on someone's fetish, but I don't find this safe for me to live around. It's not okay for my mom to live around. This is beyond toxic. I'm scared!!
My friend we are staying with is a safe place, though. I am sleeping on the couch and my mom is taking the bed room. My best friend is also giving us mattresses. My friend we are staying with is also offering to drive me to work until I get my license. She is also going to help us get on food stamps. I don't know how to apply for any of this stuff and neither does my mom. She has a brain injury, as I said. She has trouble spelling her own name sometimes. So my friend is going to help out with that. So I feel very blessed to have such positive people in our lives. Despite everything we are going to make it on our own with the help of good people.
Thank you for reading. I really did need to vent.
I have never posted in this group before, but I would like to share what is going on currently. I need to vent. I'm overwhelmed with stress and a whole bunch of other emotions. So, thank you anyone who reads this.
So, I have been struggling with the fact my father came out about his cheating a year ago. I have always been close to my dad and he needed someone to tell. Unfortunately that put a load of pressure on me because I am also close to my mother. Especially since my mom is disabled and I have been taking care of her alone for the last ten years. She was in a car accident and has PTSD from other events. She suffers greatly mentally and physically. There have been nights where I just sat with my mom in silence as she cried from the pain she is in, so it brought us closer. When my dad admitted to cheating it made me feel like he was running away from the responsibility of taking care of my mom yet again just as he left me as a child to care for her.
My dad is also very controlling and refuses to buy her basic needs things such as soap, clothes, and so on. I had to sneak and buy her those things. He won't take her to the doctor or get her medication. She can't drive, as I said she is disabled. She is completely dependent on him.
I am in school to get an education so I can take care of my mom. But I can't keep going on like this. My mom is being neglected. She has a brain injury and it is important for her to get to a neurologist and her other doctors. We have insurance. He just won't take her. It is a matter of control.
Not only is my dad cheating on her, but it is with women my age. He told me this quite openly. He acted like I wasn't supposed to react at all. I knew what state my mom was in. I couldn't bring myself to tell her when she was so vulnerable.
But recently I found out my dad has been roleplaying parent/child sexual relationships with the women my age. He has also been doing a lot of searches on google for parent/child sexual relationships.
There are at least five women he is talking to and roleplaying out that they are his child and he is having sex with them.
I freaked out and beat the living poop (no swearing) out of him about a year ago for just cheating on my mom while she was disabled. I also found out, from over hearing, that my dad has been forcing my DISABLED mother into having sex with him against his will because he thinks he is entitled to her anytime he pleases. She is in so much pain and suffering she can't have sex. She just can't.
WE ARE MOVING. I am quitting school temporarily and I am taking her to a safe place to live with my friend. We are going to get her to a doctor. We have made it our mission to get my mom better and away from this abusive man.
I personally don't want near him. I am leaving too. My mom and I are packing up the animals and leaving with my friend. She is nice enough to let me bring all of my rats with me.
I've never taken care of myself alone, so this is scary. I'm used to making my mom comfortable by cooking for her and helping her walk, but I have lived on my own. It feels like I have to live for the both of us. I am now an adult and I am learning how to take care of myself and her. I could never leave my mom. Not in conditions like that. She isn't getting her basic needs met. As a human she is entitled to her freedom and NO ONE is entitled to her body. I am happy to say we are leaving ASAP.
I feel like I have lost my dad. He is not the pastor I used to know. He is obsessed with this incest thing. I found countless searches of it on his phone (He lets me use his phone because I don't have one). He changed his email to say "daddy" in it. The women constantly text him calling him daddy and pretending to be his children.
I don't mean this as an attack on someone's fetish, but I don't find this safe for me to live around. It's not okay for my mom to live around. This is beyond toxic. I'm scared!!
My friend we are staying with is a safe place, though. I am sleeping on the couch and my mom is taking the bed room. My best friend is also giving us mattresses. My friend we are staying with is also offering to drive me to work until I get my license. She is also going to help us get on food stamps. I don't know how to apply for any of this stuff and neither does my mom. She has a brain injury, as I said. She has trouble spelling her own name sometimes. So my friend is going to help out with that. So I feel very blessed to have such positive people in our lives. Despite everything we are going to make it on our own with the help of good people.
Thank you for reading. I really did need to vent.
Please make sure when you leave that you have people around you so that your father doesn't try and stop you. Leaving an abuser is THE most dangerous time.
You might want to call your local women's shelter and explain your situation to them. Hopefully they can help you with referral to Adult Protective Services and a good attorney.
You said your father was a pastor. If he still has a congregation, he will not want his congregation to find out what kind of person he is, so it is REALLY important that you don't let on you are leaving until you're leaving.
You are a good son!!! Please take good care of yourself. You and your mom have lived with abuse and great trauma for a long time. It is very important that YOU get therapy as well as your mom with a QUALIFIED trauma release therapist. This is a link to information I posted about the kinds of questions to ask a potential therapist. http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/20246893-my-therapist-doesnt-get
Healing is a process and will take time. It's not a linear. At best it moves forward, backward, zig zags, sideways and in circles. It will also include time to grieve all of your losses.
Please keep posting and venting here. It is really important for you to have a safe place to vent. Again, take very good care of you. Here is a link to another thread that shares many suggestions for healthy self care. The comments also include more suggestions.
Keeping you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers and sending you
~healing hugs~
There's been times I've had to pull away from my Dad because of drugs issues and I know it's not hard. Nature makes us love our family despite the circumstances. Know that you are making the right call. As far as getting help, research the heck out of that stuff, if you have access to google you can figure it out. I went through a lot of that as I had to figure out how to go to college on my own and getting help from FASFA and other scholarships. You can do it, it'll be hard as hell but you have what it takes.
I feel like people with backgrounds like this either accept it, decide they want to repeat it, or bust their ass to get out of it. We both know what choice you made, never lose sight of that. It'll take a LONG time but stick to it and you'll be well on your way in 5 years or so.
My mom has a different kind of problem but I commend you for doing your part to help yours, I can relate.
Best,
Brock
Again THANK YOU ALL O MUCH.