Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
There will be things that will remind me of him and my mood just instantly drops. I have to be careful what music i listen to and even walk out of shops playing certain songs that remind me of him. I have to switch over channels with celebrities he used to fancy because it still knocks my self esteem. I even remember certain clothing he made comments on and can't wear them anymore because he made me feel bad about wearing them. I feel like this is controlling my life.. i just want to be happy and not have constant nagging reminders.
I realize this is a lot to do with my self esteem, how can i get over the depressing feeling when i remember?
I realize this is a lot to do with my self esteem, how can i get over the depressing feeling when i remember?
Do Ilene's Clarifying Index Card Exercise.
(I'll bump it for you.)
Whenever my thoughts turn to my ex -- in sadness or anger -- as soon as I notice, I intentionally redirect my thoughts toward someone I love who deserves my love and loves me back .... my daughter, another family member, a friend. It pulls me out of myself. I sometimes have to redirect myself several times, but it hasn't really failed me yet, when I've remembered to do it. (I had a restless night recently when I wish I would have remembered this tool.)
Oh - and if you can afford it - throw away the clothes, or burn them, or donate them or sell them. That sounds like a powerful place where memory is attaching, so you might want to rid yourself of the physical items ... again, if you can afford to.
And I have tons of index cards.
intellectually I know it won't work between us, and if he knows how weak I am he will just use it against me.
And half the songs I hear that remind me of him are angry songs I hear that make me think of him.
He knows every article of clothing I own.
I'm dreading the weekend when I will literally nothing to do.
My therapist has told me to contact her no matter what time it it is if I feel myself slipping and wanting to contact him, or any other of my exes, especially even abusive ones. Being alone is the hardest thing in the world for me.
TV is actually a solace bc we never watched TV except for music - he thought TV was for boring couples - I'm trying to do the thing he didn't want to do. I've gotten seasons of TV shows that are keeping me occupied and walking a lot.
I understand what you're saying about songs, certain places or even that occasional dj vu. I move my thoughts in another direction, usually telling myself (out loud if I'm by myself) "everything will be ok". I know it sounds insane, but someone else said on here (I'm sorry I can't remember who) that you can't have two opposing opinions at once. I thought it was hokey when I read it but laughed to myself the first time I tried it and it worked. Before that I would think about the things he'd done to me, but sometimes ANY thought of him would make me sad, so saying that I will be ok, that everything will be ok" puts the focus solely on me and my bright future without abuse.