Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
i've been told about forgiveness. i think it was within the last few wks that i posted about that topic and how the heck i was going to forgive him when all i wanted was for him to suffer.
i think somehow, i'm almost there. it just hit me. it just hit me how sad and sorry he is. how small, pathetic and lonely he is and all of a sudden, i felt some sense of forgiveness towards him.
i felt like it is him who has the choice and he chooses to make himself suffer by not allowing himself to feel or to see the love in front of him. how sad and tragic that is.
all of a sudden, my anger and grief has turned into pity for him because he is missing out on something beautiful. me.
he will never have my love again. he will never have my understanding, my kindness, my forgiveness and support and he will continue to suffer and cause suffering and pain in hopes of feeling something positive. he is too weak and scared to be the man he wants to be and the man i expected him to be.
the beauty is, that i know i am a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, caring woman and any man would be lucky to have me. its just such a shame for him, that he chose something else, because one day, he'll be so sorry that he ever passed up all he ever wanted. it will haunt him in his dreams and in his old age.
the memory of that beautiful, wonderful lady who gave the world to him on a platter and how he will never have that again. no one can ever give what i offer because i am unique. i am me.
i love you all so much! you have helped me to see the light. in my dark moments i will read this again and hope this will help someone else to see the light as well.
all my love to each and every one of you!
xoxo
gogo
i think somehow, i'm almost there. it just hit me. it just hit me how sad and sorry he is. how small, pathetic and lonely he is and all of a sudden, i felt some sense of forgiveness towards him.
i felt like it is him who has the choice and he chooses to make himself suffer by not allowing himself to feel or to see the love in front of him. how sad and tragic that is.
all of a sudden, my anger and grief has turned into pity for him because he is missing out on something beautiful. me.
he will never have my love again. he will never have my understanding, my kindness, my forgiveness and support and he will continue to suffer and cause suffering and pain in hopes of feeling something positive. he is too weak and scared to be the man he wants to be and the man i expected him to be.
the beauty is, that i know i am a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, caring woman and any man would be lucky to have me. its just such a shame for him, that he chose something else, because one day, he'll be so sorry that he ever passed up all he ever wanted. it will haunt him in his dreams and in his old age.
the memory of that beautiful, wonderful lady who gave the world to him on a platter and how he will never have that again. no one can ever give what i offer because i am unique. i am me.
i love you all so much! you have helped me to see the light. in my dark moments i will read this again and hope this will help someone else to see the light as well.
all my love to each and every one of you!
xoxo
gogo
I have forgiven my stbx too. I see him the same way now, as someone to be pitied instead of feared. It is really sad, the life he could have had. The life he DID have, and threw away.
But I also can't spend too much time pitying him or worrying about him. I choose to spend my emotional energy on myself and my children now.
Just remembering how much love I gave him, how devoted I was to him, how I offered him my all and he stepped all over it. He pushed me away. When we were still together he would get in my arms and he became so vulnerable, almost like a child. I know, that at those times, he was real. Only time I saw him as a person with emotions. He would get lost in my arms and feel safe ( guess what he did not have from his mom when small)
I know he will NEVER have that comfort again and he knows it.
I remember, like you, when I was on the revenge mode and was looking up on the net about hurting my ex! I was so mad and angry, Then I 'saw the light' aswell and also realized is his loss. He had it all from me and he will not have anything like it again. I am pretty sure.
All I know is that, life is a lot better and the energy is much more positive since I stopped feeling like I wanted revenge on him or pain. He is already living with that everyday and one day he will KNOW what he has lost.
Thanks for great post and so happy for you!!
I have often said, when people here are wishing for Karma to come bite their ex on the butt, that for me his Karma is having to live with himself. He has to live with his internal rage and self-loathing for the rest of his life, because he will never really even look at himself, much less seek help in dealing with it.
I also love how you are valuing yourself - your value is NOT decided by the fact he discarded you. Your value is there regardless of whether he sees it or not, regardless of how he treats you. I LOVE that!!! Awesome!
As HJ said, the next step is to not even spend too much time or energy pitying him. Be the awesome woman you know you are and give your energy to those who deserve it - starting with yourself! :-)
Sorry about that, it didn't make a lot of sense!
I think i need to blow this up and put it on my wall. I get so stuck on "i must be worthless if he doesn't want me" so this helps a lot, livin. Also gogo thank you for this post, it was quite eye opening for me!
I wish that I was at this point. I'm not. I'm still pissed off at the way that he treated me. I did everything for that man, and I gave him my unconditional love. Even though he didn't deserve it.
I am also really mad at myself. I had so little self respect, and such low self esteem that I would actually beg this horrible person to love me and to be nice to me. I apologized for things I didn't do, I cried daily because I didn't understand. I really kind of makes me sick.
I've felt really sad and kind of anxious the last couple of days, this morning especially. I really hope that its PMS and not some kind of relapse.
And HC ... try not to beat yourself up for being a good and loving person. You did those things because of your wonderful nature. Sure, they were wasted on him, and it's fine to be angry with him (as long as you don't let it eat you up), but please don't beat yourself up for being a good person.
Good for you for seeing your own beauty and worth as a person. Now THAT is what you need to focus on! All the good things in your heart and all you have going for you. HE no longer exists. Thinking about him is beneath you. Why waste your time on any further thought? You don't have to forgive him to be a good and whole person. You don't need him at all. Cut the cord. Move on. Forgive yourself for putting up with being hurt when you deserved so much better. Forgiveness for him--that's up to God, if such a thing exists, not you.
It could just be acceptance of who he is and what he does and the realization for as long as he continues to hurt others he will not have a truely loving or fulfilling life.
I agree in that we don't have to forgive our abusers to be good or worthy people. I think once we accept them for who they are and can foresee their unhappy futures, we are better able to let go completely.
Abusers don't need our pity or our forgiveness because in their minds they are always right or justified in what they do.
Imo the person we need to forgive is ourselves for staying and tolerating their abuse and allowing them to continue to hurt us for so long.
--ABSOLUTELY correct. I'm glad you understand this. Took me years before I did!