Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Ok....I have just found out about this website and I hope that it helps bring me hope, strength, peace, understanding, and joy back in my life. I am in a situation now that I am so aware of but in so much denial it is unbearable. For starters: this is the 2nd abusive relationship that I have been in and it is so disapointing to know that I have to go through this all over again. Even though I know it is not my fault, I still hate to seem like a failure.
My 1st abusive relationship was when I was a teenager and I had the lowest self esteem and wanted a relationship. Well, little did I know, I was having teeth knocked out and black eyes and pregnant by aga 16. No, not the way I was raised and not the way my parents taught me AT ALL. I did not know what the hell was going on. I was so in shock and then I thought it was my fault and I was wanting him to like me so much that I would beg him to be nice to me as he pushed me on the ground or beat me with a hat or his hand. I did finally get out.
A few years afterwards, I met my husband. When we met, I was not at my best state by any means. I was trying to heal from my wounds and I was so stupid. I started to grow and then went backwards. I met my husband and we dated for awhile. He was aware of my previous situation and he never acted like an abuser and he always said he would never do those things to me. When he was wrong. After time when his alcoholic behavior would worsen, he would get violent and say things like \" you think this is bad, what about what you went through before.\" It was crazy! I he always has the honeymoon phase to back it up. I am so over it. I am so emotionally detatched form him that I wish it was easier to move on. I want peace and to grow. He is set in his ways and does not want to grow. In Sept. he came home and beat the crap out of me. Gave me a concusion. An EPO was taken out on him and he went to jail. But of course he made everything seem like my fault. I am so stupid that I let him come back. I could afford my house by myself and support my children, but I felt sorry for HIM! What is wrong with me. I have been through this once and doing it again??? So just last weekend he came home drunk again and choked me, pushed me down on the driveway and left bruises all over my arms. I got my little girl out of the house. Now he is texting me asking me if I still love him and trying to take me out to dinner (honeymoon) again and I swear my feelings are dead but I care about all the lost time I guess. I care about something I guess. I dont really know what.????? I hate to go through all of this stuff (house, children, baby sitters, lawyers, money) and I also know that it is worth it compared to what I have been going through. I do not feel safe and I am the responsible 1 in all things. I might as well be alone. So why is it so hard for me? Why am I so codependent??? That is why I am hoping for support and encouragement to get out. I am alone in most regards. He has isolated me for the most part and the more I act like I dont need him it scares him to death. Thanks for the support. It is good to know that we are not alone. I have done this before, but something is different about this.....
My 1st abusive relationship was when I was a teenager and I had the lowest self esteem and wanted a relationship. Well, little did I know, I was having teeth knocked out and black eyes and pregnant by aga 16. No, not the way I was raised and not the way my parents taught me AT ALL. I did not know what the hell was going on. I was so in shock and then I thought it was my fault and I was wanting him to like me so much that I would beg him to be nice to me as he pushed me on the ground or beat me with a hat or his hand. I did finally get out.
A few years afterwards, I met my husband. When we met, I was not at my best state by any means. I was trying to heal from my wounds and I was so stupid. I started to grow and then went backwards. I met my husband and we dated for awhile. He was aware of my previous situation and he never acted like an abuser and he always said he would never do those things to me. When he was wrong. After time when his alcoholic behavior would worsen, he would get violent and say things like \" you think this is bad, what about what you went through before.\" It was crazy! I he always has the honeymoon phase to back it up. I am so over it. I am so emotionally detatched form him that I wish it was easier to move on. I want peace and to grow. He is set in his ways and does not want to grow. In Sept. he came home and beat the crap out of me. Gave me a concusion. An EPO was taken out on him and he went to jail. But of course he made everything seem like my fault. I am so stupid that I let him come back. I could afford my house by myself and support my children, but I felt sorry for HIM! What is wrong with me. I have been through this once and doing it again??? So just last weekend he came home drunk again and choked me, pushed me down on the driveway and left bruises all over my arms. I got my little girl out of the house. Now he is texting me asking me if I still love him and trying to take me out to dinner (honeymoon) again and I swear my feelings are dead but I care about all the lost time I guess. I care about something I guess. I dont really know what.????? I hate to go through all of this stuff (house, children, baby sitters, lawyers, money) and I also know that it is worth it compared to what I have been going through. I do not feel safe and I am the responsible 1 in all things. I might as well be alone. So why is it so hard for me? Why am I so codependent??? That is why I am hoping for support and encouragement to get out. I am alone in most regards. He has isolated me for the most part and the more I act like I dont need him it scares him to death. Thanks for the support. It is good to know that we are not alone. I have done this before, but something is different about this.....
Take your life right now one day at a time and decide what you want to do and where you want to go. I hope you have called the cops to report the assault by your husband.This will be important in getting your fair share of house and property.
You need to get out, for your sake and for the sake of your children. Do not raise them to think that htier father's behavior is normal because it's not.
Don't beat yourself up for getting into an absuive relationship. Learn from what has happened and move forward.
You need to surround yourself with healthy family and friends who love you. You can rebuild your life and rebuild your SELF but it takes time. I am 3 years out of my abusive marriage and so happy to be be free, free, free of a man who treated me like dirt for too long.
Love is patient, love is kind and that's what you and your children deserve. Hugs to you for your pain...
I will never judge anyone for staying..I became accustomed to..and learnt to 'overlook' getting choked..Smashed doors..things thrown at me..Nasty name calling..abandonment..Physical and emotional..And I stayed..Way after I should have..
Many of us being or who have been abused..keep on hoping for change..many of us stay because we might have no roof over our heads if we left..Or we stay because we hope and pray they will change?..or because they act so good..inbetween their abuse..We live for those moments?..We learn to fiorget..Just to have a few good times..and we love them deeply..and want to believe they will change?..
Many objeactive others looking in..would say..WHAT??? You stayed after he did that!!!??? I would NEVER stay if anyone did that to me!!!..No way never..
All well and good..Except no-one can judge..No-one can understand unless they have experienced being in an abusive realtionship..
They don't know how ground down you are..how confused they make you..How much you think that they are good..'Under' it all?? How much you hope that the nice guy..will become full time real??..How much is too hard to believe that anyone could be that bad..and you want to work it out and fix it..because you love them..
Except sadly..A man who beats you..Does NOT love you..No matter what he says..You have to go by his behaviour..not his empty lying words..The way he behaves..is NOT love..
You are alone 'with' him..You have been very seriously abused..Emotionally and physically...
You should NEVER have to beg anyone to be decent to you..You are NOT the failure here..
He wants to isolate you..he wants you dependant, he wants to scare you into submission..He has you very confused..and needy for his 'good side'..which barely exists..
He is a VERY abusive controlling bully..and you will only give up on him..when your peace of mind, and your safety..and your self worth..means more to you..Than he does..
They keep you hanging on in there..For a few crunbs of their 'love'...Except none of what you describe is love..At all..Its actually being futilely attached to a violent alcoholic very nasty bully..
When you 'act' like you don't need him..Yes of course it 'scares' him..because it means he feels that he is losing his 'CONTROL' over you..and of your feelings..he will promise the moon and the stars..To keep you under his control..
He has beaten you..made you feel alone and isolated..and used your past against you..hes a typical abuser..
You only go back for more..because you HOPE he can change..
Its a well known fact..Abusers DON'T change..
They play on your goodness..And he relies on your ability to forgive him, for literally nearly killing you..and then acting like hes fine?? And its not a problem?? Crazy making..
Time to get rid of the abusive dangerous nutcase..
You, and your children are in serious danger around him..
The next time he attacks you..he could break your back?..Or kill you?
Who will take care of your children then??
Don't fall for his sweet talk after his abuse of you..It means NOTHING!!...It just means that he thinks he can rope you back in..And feel a sense of control over you and your feelings again..
Until he beats you..Again..As he WILL..But at least know..Their abuse ALWAYS escalates..And next time..You might not live to tell the tale..
Hard as it is..Its time to vote for you, and your children..and to stop falling for his after beating you disgustingly empty false sweet talk..
You don't feel safe, because you're not safe..
So yes..You have another horrible relationship..And he's another abuser..But that tells you, to take time out for counselling and help..To see how you can avoid abusers..in the future..and to discover..How living without him..Is the best gift, you can ever give yourself..and your children..
You are living with a VERY DANGEROUS man. You need to get out, and stay out. Imagine if he injures you so you cannot take care of your kids...or kills you. Your first and most important responsibility is to take care of your kids, and you cannot do that living with a man who beats the crap out of you! He gave you a concussion!!!! Not too far to go to the next step, sweetie.
And worse, what if he decides since he can't hurt you anymore, to use your children as a punching bag to hurt you?
YOU ARE NOT SAFE. YOU NEED TO GET OUT. Once you do that, you will be able to work with the rest of the problems, and it will be much easier without that daily dose of abuse to deal with.
Please please heed the advice of the women here who have btdt....We are all in your corner, we have all traveled/are travelling this path.....
Make a plan, first of all to be safe. Leave when he is not there, lay the plans and tell him nothing until you are gone. Safety first.
Hugs to you...many hugs. You are in my prayers.
Keep yourself and your children safe.
Keep moving away from abuse.
Take good care, and be well!
Ilene