Hello there. This is my first time doing something like this, and I'm admittedly a little bit anxious about it. I apologize in advance if it's a bit incoherent... The problem is, I have no one else in my life that I can turn to with this problem, and I've reached the point that I need to share this with someone to try to figure out what is going on and what to do. I can't take it anymore, and I know the stress of the situation is taking a mental and physical toll on me. My body feels it more and more everyday...

This is about my twin sister. My twin sister and I have always been close. We just turned 27 years old this year, and we're still living together. We know each other's deepest secrets and generally can count on each other through thick and thin. Often it's felt like we only have each other. A couple of years ago, we went through some seriously dark times, including us both being disowned by our mentally unstable and emotionally abusive mother, being stalked by a fake "visa" specialist (since we now live in another country after studying abroad), and then being attacked in our apartment by our drunk landlord and his gang of friends. We've come through a lot together.

The problem is, in recent years, my sister has begun starting random, terrible fights with me seemingly for no reason. This has started ever since we began recovering from the awful things that I mentioned above. It would be one thing if it was like normal sibling fights - we've had those before, naturally, but we always make up afterwards. We've even had really bad fights in the past, but there was a sort of "sense" to those that these recent ones just don't have. In recent years, it's been more like the slightest thing I say, regardless of whether it is relevant or not, even if it's something as simple as, "I'd love to have pancakes today," makes her blow up. And there's very little time to recover from it before the next such blow-up appears.

The most recent example...This morning, we had plans to spend a nice day out together in our favorite place, but while she was doing her makeup in the mirror, she got angry when I mentioned what I wanted to do and started a fresh argument completely irrelevant to what I had said (even though it seemed to trigger her need to start one). We'd also had a similar fight the night before, where something completely irrelevant and seemingly harmless that I'd said set her off.

I think what hurts the most is that she doesn't wait a second - the first thing she'll do when she starts an argument now is  attack my weak points, my deepest insecurities. Call me awful names based on them, like "fat hag". Once she told me that the man I'm interested in likes her, not me. It's been a huge blow to my self-confidence, which I already had very little of thanks to the father who left our family for his former wife when I was still a kid - he used to draw ugly pictures of me and my sister and bully us. I know people say that we can't let these things bother us, that it says more about the attacker than it does about us, but my twin knows those are my insecurities, and she knows more than anyone how much such words can hurt me. Of course she screams all of these things at me, usually while laughing or flipping me off.

If I try to ignore her, she will threaten to punch me or kick me, raising a fist or actually kicking something near me so I get the message. Sometimes she actually has hit me, without warning. Other times, she will threaten to break my things. She often goes first for my computer and lifts it up as though preparing to smash it. Other times, she'll spit into a bottle of old  water and threaten to dump it on me or delicate things I own (again, such as my computer)...All of this if I won't listen to her and keep up the arguing. So unfortunately, trying to take the high road of ignoring it hasn't worked. 

I've also tried to keep a calm voice, even when my heart is pounding, and to ask her if we can talk it out. It just doesn't work. She can't seem to keep calm and will continue to argue as loud as she can. When I suggest that we take turns explaining our feelings, she'll insist on going first, but when it's my turn to explain how I feel, she won't actually allow me to even finish a sentence. It's like it's her way or the highway, even if I try to be reasonable. She knows how to say things that cut straight to the bone - part of the reason our mother disowned us is because of something my sister had said to her while we were still at the house. Our mother had already been being emotionally abusive to us by that time, but I think the final straw of disowning us was because of what my sister said. My mother had once told my sister her words towards others were way too harsh after she had done the same thing to a cousin's girlfriend just for being rude.

Finally, I want to mention, I've also suggested therapy for us. I think we've needed it anyway since the situation with our mother. But my sister refuses to go. I've thought a lot about going by myself and explaining my situation, but the fact is I've never done such a thing and I'm a little scared. I don't have enough confidence in myself, and honestly, I wonder if it even matters? If I'm the only one going to therapy, it's not going to help whatever's happening on my sister's side of things. I'm still going to be experiencing it at home.

I'm just really at my wit's end. I think I want to repair the relationship because we've always been close, and I don't really understand why she can't seem to understand me (or perhaps anyone else) anymore. Even her friends stay away from her - the only friends we share now are the ones that were originally friends with me, and whom I introduced to her. I don't really know any of her original friends... I just don't know anymore, and I need someone else's advice.

(For the record, the only reason I haven't told friends or family about this is because we share both now, and honestly, it would do far too much harm to bring this to any of their attentions. I can't say how angry speaking out about my sister would make her, and I don't really want to find out. I just hope someone outside of our circle can help with this matter, because posting anonymously, she may not know it's me...)

In any case, I think this has been super incoherent, but I want to thank you for your time and for your reading. Any advice would truly be appreciated!