Seriously, if your mom abuses everyone around her, you might not want to let her around your son. Would that be hard? Of course, but if she hurt you, she could hurt him too. You don't have to become her, and the fact that you worry about it is a good sign. It means you're less likely to be like her, because you're watching for it.

I was abused physically and emotionally/mentally by my biological mother for years I was never good enough for her. The only time she wanted anything to do with me was for money. For years I did everything opposite of my siblings to win her love (as I was the only one she abused, my prison con brothers and prostitute sister had her love) then my therapist told me someone like that is incapable of love. As of June 07 I cut off all contact, I can't say I don't miss her (especially the little girl in me craving her mothers love) but it was the healthy thing to do if I wanted to save my self-esteem and sanity. I hope this helps! Jasmine44

My mother does not know how not to be abusive. She sees everyone as a tool for her use. I do not understand the concept of forgiving someone who is hurting you. Ignoring it (if you can), or saying "what did you just say?" will sometimes stop an abusive person - rarely do they have a response. If she is abusing your son - I would not only say "what did you just say" but I would also ask her "why did you say that?" If she says "what do you mean" repeat what she said and ask again. People get away with being mean when they are not confronted; You don't have to be nasty about it - or mean - just say "what did you say?" Most abusive people bank on no one confronting them. It'll throw her off balance and hopefully the rest of your family will pick up the cue and start asking her the same thing.

She won't like it - but something like this can change family dynamics to some degree. This takes a lot of intestinal fortitude to do however - I opted on not talking to my mother she was so mean - I have not said a word to her for 24 years and I am grateful I have been able to do that. Good luck.

Lindajean

Your loyalty is to your son who is your number one priority. If you do not like the way she is behaving around him, dont let her around him. I know it is easier said than done, but you have a much bigger job....breaking the cycle.

When I started to put limits and bounderys on my mother she chose to cut me and my children out of her life ,and that is a hard thing but better for all involved than to let her have her way and continue the abuse on to the next generation .I am not like my mother ,and because I choose to be aware of the problems instead of just blindly following ,I will never be like her ,awarness and naming the abuse is the best way to protect your self and your child...I would seriously limit the time she spends with your son and let her know you will not have that behavior anymore ,she wont like it but so what ,how can she be worse than she is ?As for forgivness ,well that is not posable when she continues the abuse and will not take responcablity for it ,you can not forgive an ongoing crime ...even the church asks you to confess and then do pentance ,first you have to admit you have a probelm if she wont do that ,you have no responcablity to forgive.Also to forgive now is like saying she can just keep hurting and it is ok...no you can let go of the anger by finding some peace in your self and finding a way to live with and limit the abuse but you can not just forgive and forget ,not till she asks for it and faces what she is doing.

My mother to abused my dad, brother and myself with extreme emotional neglect. I felt like I just existed and that was it. I was extremely shy and the neglect just exacerbated it. The one thing that has helped for me is therapy talking with a counselor. For me, I never really found out who I was and developed myself so that is something else that helps I feel. You may not have any troubles with that. I to worry about treating my children like my mother treated me to me it takes a conscious effort to stop myself from responding to my children like my mother did to me. Good luck jujubee3.

I also have been here. It is possabloe to forgive. Forgivness mean you don't exspect her to give back what she owes you. A descent childhood, love, acceptance. Forgiving does not mean forgetting it all. You have to protect yourself and your family. I tried many time to fix my relationship with my mom but she continued to abuse. Once I got pregnant, I gave her the boot. I know she will never change and I know she cannot fix the harm she has done. I no longer exspect her to. There are consequences though. I have given up on fixing her and i am now fixing me.

It is a very hard thing to do but now that i have done it I am getting better. I am a better wife and mom. I feel liberated because her behavior is not my responsability any more.

Counseling is a huge way to prevent you from taking up her traits. I have change so much with just a little bit of counseling. I use to think if i went to therapy it means I am crazy. Now I need it to keep me sane.