Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I was with my partner ~6.5yrs. We have a daughter. We were not together long beforre I became pregnant and the infatuation turned into anger towards me for all things bad in his life. I like to call him 'Dr. Jekeyl & Mr. Hyde'. He is at times charming and sweet and the rest will say the most vile things to me treat me like trash on the corner.
He has learned how to manipulate me and my mind. For that I have nobody to blaime but myself. I gave him that power.
Either way I have finally decided to file for divorce. Typical for him he was initially apologetic and "begging" and admitting his wrong doing. Now he has turned it to "you dont want me" and I am breaking a family. He repeats that he wants to try various things but I just "dont want him anymore"
I have all to loose in this situation as I am a physician and breadwinner and he has not worked and "finishing school"
I am concerned. He can claim anything inthe world. He has done such a good job showing everybody his sweet and charming side. How do I show and prove the verbal abuse I have dealt with for the past 6yrs? Even at this point he thinks "things werent that bad"
I just feel lost and afraid. It is not fair.
He has learned how to manipulate me and my mind. For that I have nobody to blaime but myself. I gave him that power.
Either way I have finally decided to file for divorce. Typical for him he was initially apologetic and "begging" and admitting his wrong doing. Now he has turned it to "you dont want me" and I am breaking a family. He repeats that he wants to try various things but I just "dont want him anymore"
I have all to loose in this situation as I am a physician and breadwinner and he has not worked and "finishing school"
I am concerned. He can claim anything inthe world. He has done such a good job showing everybody his sweet and charming side. How do I show and prove the verbal abuse I have dealt with for the past 6yrs? Even at this point he thinks "things werent that bad"
I just feel lost and afraid. It is not fair.
I think the first step is for you to find your truth about what happened, pick your self esteem and stop relying on him to validate what you see and hear = get your power back, before you stand up against him. When you are certain nobody can break you and tell you otherwise.
I was where you are - I was the breadwinner, he could be quite charming, he didn't think anything was that bad, we had a child together ... pretty similar.
Sidi is right - know your truth absolutely. Can you find a counsellor/therapist who is specifically trained and experienced in dealing with abuse and trauma? That helped me HEAPS to get out from under the view that any of it was my fault or that I was to blame for any of his bad behaviour.
Just on that last point, you say that his manipulation of your mind is something for which you have "nobody to blame but" yourself, because you "gave" him that power. No. You loved him and you trusted him. You gave him access to you, because you loved him. He used that access to betray you. That's NOT your fault. That's his, for betraying the trust you placed in him.
have given much valuable
input.
At the end of your thread
you asked:
How do I show and prove the verbal abuse I have dealt with for the past 6yrs?
Here's what I'd suggest:
Open and name a computer
document and then begin
listing every incident you
can remember, and I
really do mean EVERY
incident.
Word processing this information
gives you the ability of inserting
incidents with approximate
accuracy regarding when
they happened in the 6.5 years.
The point of this is at
least two-fold.
The first is that you help
YOURSELF remember
the reality of your life together.
The second is that what you
document will then present
a compiled timeline of a
consistent pattern of abuse.
When I was going to court
for my divorce, I actually
made a spread sheet of
everything that we'd done
together during the years
we'd been separated,
(because he'd claimed
I'd "abandoned" him).
The reality was that he'd
treated me better during
the years of separation
than he ever did during
the previous ten when
I'd been desperately
and futilely working on
the marriage. When
the judge saw that we'd
taken trips together, that
I'd traveled with him to
help his mother, that
we'd gone to sporting
events and concerts
together, his claim
of being abandoned
went down in smoke.
Documentation of six
and a half years of a
pattern of abuse (in
DETAIL), will help
you prove your case.
Please make sure to
take good care of yourself.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
better times ahead.