Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
This month has been crazy to say the least. My spouse left for nearly three weeks, after a altercation of him not willing to assist around the house and pick up behind himself. It got physical and police was called to the home. He went to his mother house. The first week, I didn't care and preferred he leave. The second week, I started missing him; feeling abandoned and rejected. The third week, I went to his mother house and lividly rang her door bell, to force him to speak with me because, I was hurting emotinally. They didn't answer for me, which is typical behavior from his family.
Why do I keep putting myself through this constant cycle of being mistreated and feeling unimportant to him, and I know his family could care less about my feelings. Whenever, we're having problems in the house. He refuse to communicate; instead he yells, over me invalidate my feelings, becomes disrespectful, defensive, and refuse to hear my out, then repeat the same actions all over again. When he leaves. He runs to his mother house.
In short, I don't have a relationship with his mother or sister and I don't know any of his extending family. Including my children. It's heart wrenching when you want better and realize you've commited 21 years of your life to someone whose incapable of solving problems and communicate effectively for everyone involved.
He says he want a woman, not a little girl that's messy and complains about everything. Whenever, I try to discuss to him what's hurting me in the relationship. I can't believe this is what my life is reduced to.
Why do I keep putting myself through this constant cycle. . . . . . ?
Not knowing you personally,
I'll try to answer that question
from a clinical perspective.
Is it possible that your
self-estimation. . . . what
you think about yourself,
what you believe about
yourself. . . . . is so low
that you don't believe
you can do better than
this or even that you're
entitled to better than
this?
If the answer is yes or
even maybe, yes. . . .
then I urge you to find
a qualified counselor
to help you begin to
see yourself as being
able to achieve a life,
whether with a partner
or on your own, that
enables you to live
with satisfaction and
possibly joy.
As far as missing
your abuser. . . . .
I suggest that you
give the Clarifying
Index Card exercise
a try. (I'll see if I can
bump that for you.)
Further, it's not up
to him to define you. . . .
not as "a messy little
girl" or anything else.
Please consider looking
into getting therapy
set up. It's helped
many of us.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
healing and
happiness.