Someone with more knowledge of Christian counselling may be able to reflect on why they would not look at your journal.

Personally I am a Christian that believes many people use the faith in a misguided manner to manage and deal with marital issues and problems.

I see nothing wrong with journalling. It can provide us with a time line for when the problems occur and also provide us the opportunity to reflect on how we are reacting to our lives, and whether we are dealing with our issues for our own best interest.

I have been told face to face by Pastors that there is NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE in marriage. God's love builds us up not tears us down.

Women used to be given a load of garbage about how they are to do their husbands bidding and if he feels she needs to be hit then so be it. Times have changed for the better and Pastors around the world know this is not how marriage was meant to be.

God's will does not lead us to where the Grace of God cannot sustain us.

i have a journal of all that has been done to me by my dad and ex.i dont really look at it as much like a book of wrongs as much as my way of venting.

i am a christian also and I understand what you mean about the counselors. It is like they want to know but not really. I have a journal also and I have it so I will know that it really did happen and I am not crazy. My most recent experience with church has led me to not even want to go back. My husband verbally and emotionally abused me knowing that i was in depression and pushed me to the point of swallowing pills....this was in my med file from the hospital . i wanted my med records and my husband had a cow and said no.i told the pastor that was counseling my husband and the pastor said that i had no right to them................
my husband is treating me better now but still will not take full owner ship for his behavior......I struggle daily with why I am still married to him ..no matter how sweet he can be now and how different he is in some ways now........
I have a dealt with issues with my husband for years and have always found support from church but when I really needed it the most was left by the way side and dismissed........i feel like because I am a woman I do not mean as much as a man......

Any way I am a certified Christian lay counselor.( funny huh)......and if I were to give myself i would advise myself to leave.......but I can not bring myself to do that......i made a commitment before God and anyway.............

You are not alone and you are on track with keeping your journal.
You are in my prayers
May we all find Gods best in these situations.
Love
D

Thanks for the responses. I do journal just to express myself, and to record the events to ensure I am not completely nuts! LOL! I realy have tried to be fair and enter the good times with the bad. However the bad are more frequent than the good. Just some examples from different times:

6/12/06: Went to a play at Church with the kids. He turned to the kids, for no reason what so ever, and said "everyone here apprieciate this play but you two" What the heck was that about?
6/14/06 to 6/16/06: locked himself in the bedroom. Didn't eat with us, didn't talk to us.
6/18/06: Back to a good mood!
7/4/06: We all worked at the Church carnival tent in 95 degree weather. He told us we didn't have a servants heart and the kids learned it from me.
7/29/08 to 8/15/09: Total silence from him. Will not sleep with me, will not eat with us, will speak
8/24/09 to 9/1/09: Again total silence, no sleeping with me, no eating, not speaking



Just 2 weeks ago I was selfish, prideful, everyone can see thru me, if I leave him I am loosing it all, I can not be used by God if I divorce....on and on. Then this week I am a wonderful and worth fighting for. It is a crazy life I tell ya.
I also totally agree with the Church as a whole isn't ready for women with abuse issues from their Christian husbands. Maybe they don't want to believe it? Maybe because I am from Indiana it is conservative and they really really really push the staying together. Even ladies who have been there done that and have come along side me. I find that amazing. I just know that I am a child of God. He delights in me! =)
Again thanks for the honesty and comments! They help a lot! =) Back to work...lunch is over.

I journaled for the last 5 years of my marriage. It helped me to actually see what was going on. AT times I would stop...because I felt like I was repeating myself.

But...I think when you journal, it is the story of your life. Not a ledger of wrong doings. It is about the things you have to deal with day after day. And if someone is hurting you day after day....someone who is supposed to be your partner, your soul-mate, to love you....then, that's what it is about. If it's a list of things done wrong to you...that's what it is. It's telling you something. Listen to it.

There was a very good post by IleneW awhile back that listed all the reasons that counseling does not help abusive marriages, and in most cases makes it worse. It would probably be worth your while to look it up.

Abuse crosses all demographic lines. Trying to fit it into your religious beliefs will be hard...because it's about power and control, not anything else. It's not what the abuser or you, espouse as your beliefs. It's what they do, their actions, that tell you who they are.

My ex had no idea I journalled either, because he was so entitled he just thought I was going to take it forever, I guess. It was useful in court. As was all the other documentation that I had.

Keep journalling. And keep it to yourself. It's your story. Not his.

We went the Christian counseling route. The counselor didn't feel it was necessayr to dig up the past. I kept a journal over the years, however I never offered it to the counselor... I gave it to my emotionally abusive husband to read. He seemed to require "proof" whenever I tried to talk to him about what he was doing to me and the kids... so I gave him documentation.

It didn't help. He never even acknowledged what he read.

Abusers are firmly in denial. No matter how you present your case to them, you will always be the one at fault. So even if you finally do get them to admit to behaving badly, it's going to be because of something you did first.

You can't win. It's all about them. They are the most selfish creatures on the planet.

I made the mistake of trusting a new pastor in a new church we were attending during the time my husband was deep in his outburst mode...I expected confidentiality and to be able to trust her. She not only betrayed my trust but favored my husband over me and chastised me at every opportunity she had, finding fault with the most innocent of things I did and skewing things I said to her to such a degree I was always phoning her to stand up for myself and tell her she was mistaken about her presumption of what I said, which was never anything bad, only the way she took it. She is gone now, and I don't miss her one bit.