Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Mariathegirl 07/25/2012

For a long time now my parents are not in the best part of their relationship and both of them have drifted apart a lot. My mother told me that my dad has told her that he is tired of being with her sometimes and that he wants to be with someone younger. They have been like this for a while now and there have nerver been any like fights or anything but they have drifted apart. Anyway for a while now my dad is very needy with me, everytime he comes home he looks for me, he calls me to ask me things like if lunch is ready or things like that, when he travels instead of calling my mom he calls me. I feel like he is treating me like he treats my mom or like he should treat his wife and ive never really liked the relationship I have with him because of this reason. I read that when a parent is very dependant of their child and treats them like their spouse this is called emotional incest(no sexual contact) and im just really stressed out and really depressed and i just want to be okay again. I also want to talk to someone but my mom doesnt really believe in psychologists or psychiatrists what do you guys think?

dualforce35 07/25/2012

It sounds like your dad wants to keep you in the middle of things. You have a choice of staying in the middle or getting out of the middle. A suggestion, the next time your father calls and ask for information say sorry dad I have to go. If he is in your presence, say sorry dad I have to run.

Mariathegirl 07/25/2012

Thank you so much for answering :) I really appreciate it! Yes I will try that and i guess he has to understand that i am the daugther and i cannot be the his rock

deleted_user 07/26/2012

Maybe she would be willing to let you be in a support group. If she seems iffy tell her that it would be nice to meet people your age going through the same things. She might say that you can just talk to her or something. Just tell her that you would like this in addition to talking to her. It gets rid of that being replaced feeling.

Tamehau 07/26/2012

Emotional incest occurs when a child feels responsible for a parents emotional well-being. This happens because the parents do not know how to have healthy boundaries. It can occur with one or both parents, same sex or opposite sex. It occurs because the parents are emotionally dishonest with themselves and cannot get their emotional needs met by their spouse or other adults. John Bradshaw refers to this dynamic as a parent making the child their "surrogate spouse."

You can read more about it here:

http://www.silcom.com/~joy2meu/joy_21.htm

deleted_user 07/26/2012

I went thru the "emotional spouse" thing. It's very unhealthy. My mom died when I was 7 and despite 4 step moms, my dad tried to "recreate" me into my mom, hairstyle, mannerisms, etc. Not that I have a problem with my mom (who I heard was a wonderful lady) but it should have been my choice.

I agree with seeking support elsewhere. If your mom doesn't want it for you or herself, that's her choice. Do what's good for you as both of them are in an unhealthy pattern.

Mariathegirl 07/26/2012

Thank you soo much for all your answers :) yes I agree it is no healthyy at all and actually yesterday in a very subtle way I told my dad that I did not like the realationship we were having i felt it just wasnt a correct dad and daugther realatonship and he didnt really say anything but im glad i said it!

IleneW 07/26/2012

Maria ----

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

I have to take a different view from
your mother. You said you want to
talk with a counselor or therapist
and I strongly urge you to find
someone. If you're headed to
college, there's always a
counseling department there.

If not, call:

(800) 500-1119

It's your state's women's resources
and they have counselors for a
variety of situations. Being put
in an inappropriate emotional
situation by your father, is one
of them.

With due respect to your mother
(who is one of the parties in a
dysfunctional family system),
psychological clinicians CAN
help. Many of us here on the
board, can attest to that. Many
of my clients, can attest to that.

Please look for either a support
group or someone with whom
you can work, one-on-one.

Okay?

Take good care of yourself.

Hugs and healing thoughts.

Mariathegirl 07/26/2012

Thank you for answering everyone! and yes I think talking with a counselor or a psychologist is a good idea to express all my feelings my dad is a really good person tho and ive already talked to him and he doesnt really understand but you know i mean its a weird thing to understand but yes i will tell my mom that i want to talk to someone for personal reasons

Mariathegirl 07/26/2012

Another thing besides talking to a consular or phsychologist what other things help heal?

IleneW 07/26/2012

Connection with the spirit inside you,
what comforts you,
what delights you,
what INSPIRES you.

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