Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
It has recently come to light that I was abused emotionally as a child.
I was emotionally neglected when my parents neglected to treat my anxiety and depression. They also parentified me. I was my mothers confidant, friend, and emotional support. I was never treated as a teenager or adult. I was a child who needed protection. But at the same time i needed to be an adult for emotional needs. And I needed to be an adult to help my father with his work because he couldn't handle it himself. Which i was not compensated for as i was old enough to be.
I often felt guilt and fear of displeasing others especially my parents. I didn't want to make my father angry. I didn't want to make my mother cry.
I did things for other people to please them. I internalized my feelings. I didn't know how to deal with my own emotions and needs. I didn't know how to properly interact with others. I felt I was a 12 year old until my early 20s.
When i was first healing a few years ago, i knew i was sheltered. But i didn't realize it was abuse.
Now looking back I am realizing just what happened. That because of my parents' inability to cope it was put upon me to help them and be therapist and caregiver and parent and partner and friend when none of that as a child and teenager is actually my job.
I will post more later about this. I just needed to get this out to people who can help and support me.
~03fifteen
I was emotionally neglected when my parents neglected to treat my anxiety and depression. They also parentified me. I was my mothers confidant, friend, and emotional support. I was never treated as a teenager or adult. I was a child who needed protection. But at the same time i needed to be an adult for emotional needs. And I needed to be an adult to help my father with his work because he couldn't handle it himself. Which i was not compensated for as i was old enough to be.
I often felt guilt and fear of displeasing others especially my parents. I didn't want to make my father angry. I didn't want to make my mother cry.
I did things for other people to please them. I internalized my feelings. I didn't know how to deal with my own emotions and needs. I didn't know how to properly interact with others. I felt I was a 12 year old until my early 20s.
When i was first healing a few years ago, i knew i was sheltered. But i didn't realize it was abuse.
Now looking back I am realizing just what happened. That because of my parents' inability to cope it was put upon me to help them and be therapist and caregiver and parent and partner and friend when none of that as a child and teenager is actually my job.
I will post more later about this. I just needed to get this out to people who can help and support me.
~03fifteen
I am so sorry for what you have been through :( This is a lovely group, in fact one of my favourite groups on DS. There are lots of wise and kind people here who will help you if they can.
I can empathise with the abuse you suffered...my parents also relied heavily on me. Far more so than they should have done. It is very true that this parentification can drain and stunt a child's emotional freedom and growth. You describe having felt 'sheltered', as a result of what happened to you. I myself have used that word before too, to describe having been basically kept close for my parents' use as a resource in all the ways you describe.
It is a HUGE step forward that you recognise this not as sheltering, but as abuse.
Thank you for coming here today and sharing your past and situation. I hope you will find the peace and comfort you deserve here.
Welcome hugs and warm thoughts xx
I'm so sorry for what
happened to you, as
a child.
Have you had access
to any kind of counseling
or therapy? (It sounds
like you might have.) If
you have, please continue.
If not, it would help (it has
for many of us), to utilize
a therapist whose specialty
is being raised in a dysfunctional
family of origin.
Also, I hope you're practicing
SELF-CARE, every single day.
(I'm a survivor of childhood abuse
along with the impact it left on me
as an adult. Know that life CAN
be better.)
Sending you hugs
and healing wishes.
I recently moved to another state away from my parents. I am thinking I will need to get a new therapist now. I felt fine before but now that i've had this realization i need some proper help to deal with these feelings and memories.