I am with a partner who is emotionally abusive and angry. When upset in a little fight, or if he encounters anything that might hurt his feelings, he goes all out and hurts me where it hurts the most with his words. He has no control over his anger and then gives me emotional and psychological abuse with his words. I get really hurt and in defense of my own integrity, I have reacted back, fought with him. In the past I have gone over to cover his mouth and stop him for speaking those type of words.
It led to physical fights and him calling the cops on me.
Later fights led to him beating the pulp out of me in a fight when I reacted. I have resorted to getting out of the house, stripping down completely naked and getting out of the house in pain and shame and trying to communicate my hurt and insult, threatening to kill myself, threatening and partly hurting myself, screaming until I lost my voice, breaking things in the house. And then he turns around and blames me for the reaction that ensues. The fight that ensues or the things that are broken or the physical fights. He does nothing to STOP how he hurts me with his words.
I have a problem with jealousy and I am working hard on getting over it. Maybe part of the issue is that he devalues me my words, my thoughts, my experience, my feelings and emotions and my priorities and my individuality that in order to be with him, I have to give up my self-identity. He is selfish and narcissistic and does not consider me in what her does. Does not respect me my feelings and honour me as a woman and as an equal. I had thought that marrying a western man will help me feel more respected as compared to the culture I grew up in. It seems to have not helped. He does not consider me his equal in a fundamental sense.
When things go out of hand, he threatens to call the cops. Yet how do I call cops on emotional abuse/ Is there a way? How do I make sure he does not violate my space and integrity? Isn't there a law for that?
He provokes me and pushes my buttons which he knows very well and eggs me on to act out. If I ignore that I am left with having to deal with his abuse.
Now I need to find a way to not let him get at me. Because I am the one that gets blamed for the consequences. If he hurts me seriously, it hurts my self-esteem badly. If I react, he may hit me back and he is more strong. If I hit him he will call the cops on me. If I scream, I lose my voice. If I hurt myself, I end up getting hurt. I am being abused and I don't know how to stop him.
He is very smart and cunning and puts all the blame on me and my jealousy. He does not consider his faults and weaknesses. How he escalates situations, his complete lack of control over his anger, lack of responsibility over his side in a situation, his uncivil and uncontrolled way of bullying me. He does not believe he is doing any wrong. He believes that he is in the right, right about facts, perfect in his communication, justified if he gets angry. My anger is not. His needs and important, mine are not. Acts as if he is doing a big favour to me by not disrespecting our marriage, or conceding to my requests. There are issue in our relationship, that I try to address and he escalates things and blows up on my face. Or reacts by hurting me where it hurts most, by telling me scenarios around my jealousy. Thats where I get weakened and he knows that. He uses it to Win in the battle. But if I lose, he loses too. And he does not realise that.
Just now he escalated something in a big way and I threw coffee at his face. I kept telling him to stop speaking, he kept egging me on and speaking in mean ways and then saying jealousy scenarios. I could finally take it no more and thew the coffee on his face. He threatened to call 911 again. I broke glass and left the room. He kept trying to provoke me and mentioned again some things that I have told him not to say in fights. He has no sense of boundaries. I broke another glass and left the room and told him not to come.
Now I will be blamed for breaking the glass. I will be blamed for throwing the coffee on his face. I will be blamed for being out of control. But what about him insidiously egging me On? What about him hitting me and pushing his nails into my sore spots and hurts?
I am trying to refrain from jealousy and he knows it. Its really not fair to try to push things in my face and bring me down. Its like someone tempting a sobering alcoholic with some beer or wine. Trying to bring it in their face and hurting them where they are growing to be stronger an are still sore. Its just not fair and its mean Its not helpful. How do i get him to see what he is doing? And stop it?