Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So a few days ago i wrote a topic about emotionally abusing relationship. well since then (yesterday) my uncle last night has always been awful, brutally mean and i dont think that could in the least way truly describe him. he is so emotionally abusive to my mother it sickens me. well now i am old enough to really understand and see the horrible way he treats her. She does so much for him, me my mom and step dad all do. its our home and he just takes advantage of my mom and guilt trips her in for money etc. shes the kindest most wonderful woman i will ever know. and so back to my point, last night i came downstairs i heard him all the way through the phone yelling at her because he could not get his way abotu soemthing (typical) so thigns he was saying to her were so AWFUL i grabbed the phone and SCREAMED AND I SAID DONT YOU EVER DIRESPECT MY MOTHER LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN. SHE DOES SO MUCH FOR YO UAND HELPS YOU WITH EVERYTHING. YOUR COLD HEARTED AND I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN IM SICK AND TIRED OF YOU CALLIN GHER NAMES AND ESPECIALLY FOR NO REASON. blah blah. (i am still so worked up about this) so today was my ucnles funeral, and my mom had to pick up my mean uncle and she forgave him once again. BUT my point is, i seen my uncle emotionally abusing my mother and automatically react like a crazy person knowing how WRONG it is and NOT ACCEPTABLE. but in my case with my boyfriend...just as bad. i dont feel the wrong in it. i know its wrong but i dont FEEL its wrong like i ddi last night. does this make me screwed up? for 7 years of my relationship am i permanately damaged? will ever be okay? i dont feel like it. i am very depressed today and i feel myself slipping into my slope where i am not hungry and just mope and etc. now not only am i upset about my damaging relationship with my boyfriend, now i am worrying abou tmy uncle treating my mom and ho wshe feels. just an awful night/day and my boyfriend is still an asshole and doesnt think he is doing anything wrong with me and same with my uncle who will continue to treat my mom like crap. im hoping she just talks to him every so often but she should stay away for a while. i wish i coudl say the same for myself with my relationship but i cannot find myself to do that....it scares me.
Even if we're damaged from our childhood,
we CAN change. We have to "do the work."
Here's the number for an Ohio resource that can help:
(888) 622-9315
Please call it.
Connect with a therapist.
Then, do the work.
Life can be better.
Take good care!
Hugs and healing thoughts.
But don't think you're a screwup.
It's ABSOLUTELY common for people to defend others who are being faced with abuse or inequality, but to not recognize their own mistreatment.
Not that it's fair to you--you deserve your own compassion as much as your mother. But don't think you're weird--there are statistics backing this up.
In my Women's Gender class my teacher told us that statistically, women are more likely to identify and disagree with rape when it happens to another woman--but when it happens to them, they tend to minimize it and dismiss it, and second guess themselves.
I know I did that, and it took me years to accept that I had been raped. But minimizing is a coping mechanism, and it's very common for people who've experienced trauma to minimize it to themselves.
Still, you don't have to be trapped by your coping mechanisms, and maybe remembering how you stood up for your mother can help give you the strength to get the help you need to move onto a better life that you deserve.
BTW, I think it was very brave and kind for you to stick up for your mother like that.
That's one of the way that this support group has helped me, because I find myself supporting and encouraging other people on here--and then I have to step back and say "why don't I give myself the same support and encouragement?" It is a hard process, but you deserve it.
And you can break the cycle and get counselling for yourself, i am doing just that right now in my life. I am so glad i went for counselling on this matter, it has helped me make big steps in my life and without it i dont think i would have been able to make those strides as big as i have.