Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
My grandmother was my very best friend for 29 years. I loved her very much, and helped to take care of her the last ten years of her life.
My aunt is in a nursing home, and she will criticize me when I make the drive and take the time to go visit her, she has criticized my weight, my education and job status, but worst of all, she said that I didn't really help my grandmother.
I just am over the moon that she would say things like that, and I really don't want to go visit her any more.
The bible says that "as you have treated the least of these my brethren, you have also treated me", so that we should go and visit the sick, and imprisoned. I guess I should visit her no matter how she acts. Any advice?
My aunt is in a nursing home, and she will criticize me when I make the drive and take the time to go visit her, she has criticized my weight, my education and job status, but worst of all, she said that I didn't really help my grandmother.
I just am over the moon that she would say things like that, and I really don't want to go visit her any more.
The bible says that "as you have treated the least of these my brethren, you have also treated me", so that we should go and visit the sick, and imprisoned. I guess I should visit her no matter how she acts. Any advice?
give her a warning before you cut her off, if she continues her abuse, (i don't want to be harsh), then yes, stop visiting her.
Your aunt (obviously) has some serious issues.
Clearly, those issues are HER issues. They only become yours if you sign for delivery and keep thinking about them ----- as if they had merit.
Interestingly, I had an aunt very similar to yours, so I've actually been pretty much, right where you are.
If you feel you really want to continue visiting your aunt, there are a couple/three choices. But let me be clear, that I doubt any of the next several options are going to fix this, which is a problem that goes way, way deep.
The first option is to change the topic, the very instant she makes any kind of critical remark. Just IGNORE the criticism and start talking about something TOTALLY different. There's no "discussion" if you don't engage.
If that doesn't work, the next thing I'd try is to say:
Aunt _______ : I'm here because I love you. But I don't love your critical observations. If you insist on continuing to make them, I'll pull on my coat and say goodbye. I'll come back, but I promise that I'll leave every time you make a critical remark.
The NEXT thing I'd try, is to follow through. You arrive for a visit; she criticizes; you leave. I'd do that maybe three times.
The Next thing I'd try is to say:
Aunt _________ : I've asked you to stop criticizing. You ignored my request. If you insist on doing it again today, I will be honest with you, that when I leave today, I won't be returning any time soon.
Sound harsh? It's not. It's self-care that's respectful to others and honors our own healthy boundaries.