Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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freedomatlonglast 08/24/2013

My ex has been sending me horrible, degrading emails. He will not stop. I finally replied and said to not contact me again (as I have done for the 18th millionth time) and he still contacted me. After yet another degrading email calling me whore, a slut and accusing me of sleeping with everyone from his coworkers to strangers. I drew a line in the sand.

I wrote back this:

Do not contact me again. If you do, I will call the police.

He wrote back another email, at least half a page long filled with even more vicious accusations. He has stayed clear of direct threats (he is too smart for that).

He finished by saying: Don't worry, I won't contact you again... Followed by more accusations about what a horrible person I am.

Should I call the police? This is one action I cannot take back, yet I feel like it is important to let him know he must respect my boundaries.

Also included in the email: What are you going to tell the police? I haven't done anything.

I hate this shit. Excuse my language. I need help deciding what to do.

gem111 08/24/2013

I hope you are saving every word he writes. There has to be a way to use it. If you have a lawyer take it to him and see if you can get a restraining order.

Can you block his email and any other way he can contact you???
There has got to be a way to make him stop.
I do think it would help matters a great deal if you totally ignored him.
Good luck

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))

daydreamer73 08/24/2013

Can you change your e-mail address and let all your other important people know? Still check your old one for a while until everyone gets used to your new one, and not open e-mails from the ex? I think in that situation I wouldn't even open an e-mail if I knew it only contained ugly language that would upset me. Or have you tried totally ignoring him? Best wishes, you don't deserve that and I think your response was appropriate.

azkevin 08/25/2013

I'd say block his email and every other email of contact, if possible. You can call the police, and claim harassment, and possibly get a restraining order. If you feel in any way that he may harm you, I would suggest that is a smart course of action. The catch is, getting authorities involved guarantees you will have to deal with him in some capacity, because they will have to follow up on the complaint.

freedomatlonglast 08/25/2013

Thanks, Gem and Daydreamer!

I have tried to completely ignore him and I even changed my phone number this past week because he kept circumventing the blocks. I will have to change my email address. I have to migrate over files to a new account, which could take some time.

The unfortunate part about taking all of these actions is that I own my own business. I am temporarily keeping my phone number off of the website, and am screening my emails. He just comes up with new accounts.

I think I am going to try ignoring him a bit longer. Honestly, I went a long time ignoring him before and he did not give up. The longest he went without an attempt to contact me has been two weeks.

I am so pissed that I am the one that has to change my life because heIs an asshole! Please excuse my language, I am at the end of my rope today.

Something needs to give and right now I think it is my life, and the way I chose to respond to toxic people in my life. Frankly, I have reached maximum capacity!!!

IleneW 08/25/2013

Print out EVERYTHING
he has written with any
kind of abusive language

including his latest one

and TAKE THEM
TO THE POLICE.

Ask to file a report that
notes that after continual
harrassment you told
him that with another
incident, you would
call the police. . .
and then he sent
another.

At the very least, take
the file of harrassing
emails to your women's
center and get an opinion
from them, about what
you should do.

freedomatlonglast 08/25/2013

Hi Kevin,

That is my biggest concern- how nasty he is going to get when the police are involved. He is smart, and I am unsure of how unpredictable he may become. On the other hand, I am tired of worrying about him and what he may or may not do. I want to live my life stress-free!

As do all of us here. :)

gem111 08/25/2013

I am so sorry, wish I could somehow help you. With a business and all, that is way to hard---Something should be able to stop him, I sure wish I knew what it was.
I wish you all the best of luck.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))

freedomatlonglast 08/25/2013

Hi Ilene,

I will do everything you said. I wish I had kept more of his nasty emails. Until recently I deleted them because I hated his negativity. I do feel the police need to be aware of this matter, although I may request that they not contact him yet. However, I want a record of his harassment, in case of future need.

I just really wish I was done with this. I am even considering moving at this point.

deleted_user 08/25/2013

Move. Keep records...report to police...change e-mail, phone number. Keep yourself safe. Start a journal, with the dates, times of incidents...and what happened. Move.

deleted_user 08/25/2013

And....go to your nearest domestic violence shelter, they will tell you what to do. Do not tell him you are doing this. Do not call the police when you are in the house with him...If you are going to move...do this when your abuser is not home. Safety is the most important thing for you right now...

AndreaBEE 08/26/2013

I did move but it was across the country, changed my email and phone number. It has not been a bed of roses but it has really helped. He called the police where I moved to do a well fair check and thank God the cop understood my situation and turned it around on him and did a police report on him for harassment and called him up and told him. Not much out of him since then except when he contacted me through a friend all full of love and a bunch of BS wanting to get back together if I would send him money to move here. I told him men do not take money from women, since then not a word. Good luck to you. I go to counseling at my local DV agency and its the best thing I have ever done for myself because the addiction to these men is really hard to deal with. Good luck and be safe. Keep a low profile.

Livndadrem 08/27/2013

I have to say I'm very strongly in agreement with Ilene. You drew a line in the sand and he called your bluff. He is now waiting for confirmation that you didn't mean it and that he's free to do as he pleases.

Show him you mean what you say. I know how scary it is (believe me, I was terrified also), but if you don't carry through, he will see it as permission to continue to harass you in any way he wants.

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