I'm not in your situation but I hear you. The weight of what could have been or the loss of what you did is hard to be reminded of. When I see the lingerie, cards and hearts all over the place it just feels cruel. Shoving in my face what I don't have.

Since it has been an ongoing challenge I wonder if there is a way to bring something new that's positive to associate it with. Any friend or relative w a bday in Feb that you could put your focus into next month in doing something special for them? I guess what I'm thinking about is I have a few triggers too...like a song for instance and I'm tired of it having a hold on me so I have made myself come up with alternative associations to have with it. I don't deny the original hurt but it is balanced with a replacement idea. Hope that makes sense.

Yep... I hear you too. Only today I was walking past an elaborate Valentine display in the local supermarket, thinking, "And here it is again!"

Godis has a great suggestion: any alternative events to focus on? You could always create some if none are naturally available. Make plans to do things that are not remotely couple-related around the times of tension.

Big ((HUGS)) xxx

Hi Joanie! I know how you feel. 20 years ago, I had a stillborn on May 17th. For so many years, when May rolled around, I would get this overwhelming sadness. It wasn't like I counted it down. It's like my body knew. I would get so sad and not know why. When I would check the date, I would somehow remember this is that time of year. Years later I had a son and those feelings kind of dissolved. I would still feel sad, but never like that again.

I want to give you a "friendly challenge"... You have a week or so to think about it. I want you to think of something fun, you've always wanted to do, but never saw yourself doing. In the month of February, I challenge you to do something fun and out of the ordinary. Hopefully we can help you look forward to February in a positive way. Just a thought. Hugs, hugs, hugs!

Don't get me started on Valentine's Day. I am just recovering from my friends wedding 2 weeks ago. Sun, I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you love and blessings.

I think this Valentine's Day I will plan something special for me. Stay tuned.........................

I understand being sad about what you don't have, but gosh, what a downer it is to think about that long list. Instead, I focus on what I DO have! Like, I don't have a boyfriend anymore, but I DO have a better life without abuse. I don't have a big house, but I DO live in a home filled with a lot of love now. It's all about how you look at things.

Vent away! It's hard! We're also Feb, so I'll be with you soon. Perhaps turn this into a month of self care? I hope you feel better soon!

Thank you everyone for the suggestions and support. I am sorry if anyone felt that I was not appreciative of what I do have.

It's just been a bit of a hard winter for me. Propane has cost me over 1500.00 and that is keeping my heat in the 60s. Matter of fact my pipes are now frozen, and I am at work. Hoping my younger brother can get them thawed and no damage was done.
I am on my own financially so I have a lot of stress. I guess that is why I look back to my marriage and the comfort of having someone there to support me at least emotionally and with household things.
As for being abuse free, I currently do not have an abusive lover in my life, but just to set the record straight the person in my profile photo, my ex husband was not abusive to me, we just drifted apart.

SunBlossom, I am sorry for what you have been through, hugs going out.

I understand. The holidays are very very tough for me because of certain events that occurred around that time at the end of my marriage.I think Sunblossom's challenge is an awesome idea! In the meantime, be good to you. I know it is so hard when you are struggling with so many other things. Hugs

Don't be sorry. I was just trying to put a positive twist on things for you :) I hope it helps.