Yes, the divorce is probably why it is hitting you now. I feel for you... and in fact, sometimes I feel the same about my ex but I wouldn't want to reunite with him... I just want to talk to him. It has been three months... no contact whatsoever since the day we split up, and it is driving me crazy at times. I've seriously been praying for my sanity.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down.

I suggest, if you haven't already,
try doing Ilene's Clarifying Index
Card exercise. One of the reasons
I developed it was to help get through
days like the one you're having.

Sending hugs and
healing thoughts.

Take good care.

Thank you Janaaee. This is the most difficult thing to handle. Your the same by sound of it. How do you get through it?
Ilene where do I find the clarifying index please ?

A few things that have helped me, not just with the end of abusive relationships, but the end of any relationship:

- go for a long walk or bike ride
- buy something nice for yourself
- hobbies
- vent on daily strength :) :)
- write about it
- go see a movie or watch nonstop reruns of your favorite tv show on Netflix or dvd

basically I just look for anything that will occupy my mind to where I don't have to sit still and think about it.

Hang in there. It does get better.

How I get through it........well, two weeks after I left him I was walking on an extremely hot day and dyin' for lack of water when I passed a church that had a coffee house, and went in for iced coffee. Since then I've been attending the church three times weekly, Christian book studies from another church two times weekly, and in between times, I'm taking a lot of very long walks and riding my bike long distances! Whenever I start feeling sad, if I can.... I walk or ride the bike during daytime. At night I might watch reality TV on Hulu, or watch videos of the songs I've learned at church.

In other words, I did a huge lifestyle change, because before this breakup last July, I did not attend any church........... also the day we broke up I moved 700 miles to a place I'd never been to before... and I stay very busy, and made new friends through the churches and the apartment building I moved to. My church friends pray for me a lot. Sometimes I get overly emotional and cry at church... one day couldn't stop crying there - I found that very embarrassing - but something someone said about broken relationships just set me off... and I had to get up and walk out because the pastor had a very concerned look on his face and I ran out of kleenix.... Just last night at a book study, I started crying again and they were praying for me.

So, that's how I'm getting through, one day at a time.

Thing is i go to work every day which I have to force myself to get up out of bed to do. After work its come home and clean up / make food for my son and then nothing. I do visit my dad twice a week as my mum passed away and I try make sure he ok. I see my eldest child and grandchildren on weekend. I've got counseling once a week. But other nights I just watch television and come on the Ds pages. I feel my life is a mess. Nothing to look forward to and feeling so alone. Maybe I should join a church but I find it difficult to go places and do am thing that is not a ritual.

How about maybe some fun times with your son. Take him on walks, play games with him. Take him to the mall or shopping. ANYTHING to get your mind on something else. If you focus on yourself and your son, it will get easier much faster.
I wish you the best!!!!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))

My son is 18 he has his own busy life and don't want to let him see my pain.

I'll bump the Clarifying
Index Card exercise, or
you can do a search
here on this forum for:

Ilene's Clarifying
Index Card exercise.

Hey Need,

I know you've heard it over and over, but hang in there. You are going to be ok. Actually someday I believe you will be much, much better than ok. But you've, unfortunately got to "go through it" to get it out of it.

I'm sure the last thing you feel like doing is exercising but it truly does help. Just go for a walk...with you ipod and some good music if you have it. Do you have any neighbors or friends that could join you?

I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now. Please be gentle with yourself and know you will eventually feel better, much better.

Take good care,
LT

Again, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know it's hard to force yourself to get out and do things when you're so profoundly sad...I've been there and I think all of us have at some time...all I can say is last year, when I was in the pit of despair, it was soooo difficult to force myself to get out and meet new people. It was awkward and uncomfortable, at first. But it gradually got better, it helped me to get stronger, and it was the beginning of a new life.

Just please keep taking good care of yourself and drink lots of water. Too much crying can make you dehydrated.

I don't know if these will help at all, but here are a few songs that helped me when I was really depressed:

Bring on the Rain - Jo Dee Messina:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4iOPeo5qJM

To Comfort You - Bette Midler

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMuOIns0JQY

Broken - Lindsey Haun

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_O3GZmspnE

I know exactly how you feel, I'm feeling very similar! I am also feeling irritated that I do miss him. Why can't I move on as quickly as he is, shut off feelings... It stinks! I hope for both of us it gets better sooner than later! Sending you big hugs!

Thank you. I have cried all day. I think it's since j filed for divorce yesterday. Maybe I should have waited until I was stronger. Did I do it to soon? He always told me I do things without thinking

You're the only person who can answer if this was too soon. You're under so much stress it's only natural to second-guess yourself. I would just say, try to trust your gut instincts.

I hope you feel better soon.

I'm no better today. I haven't gone to work. Just crying non stop. Feel like I'm having a breakdown.