Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Ok, I had tried to handle my stressors alone as I am not really contributing any support to the board and am not currently in an abusive relationship, but I am just feeling a bit overwhelmed.
I just recieved some flowers from a person that is a gentlemen I facebook friended. It freaked me out and I had a bit of an anxiety attack. I have to wonder what is wrong with me?
He has asked me out a few times, to which I have told him I am not ready to date and that I am really introverted and shy. He has given me his phone number, to which I told him I was not ready to text or call as I am just content with messaging on facebook. I am really trying to remain friends and not encourage anything and yet be nice when he compliments me, but not encourage any advances. Apparantly I have done something as today he sent flowers. Now I am uncomfortable and though I thanked him for the flowers, told him, I was embarrassed by the gesture and really did not know what to say? He just said, that sometimes a pretty girl deserves pretty flowers. Then he asked if I minded posting the flowers as he ordered them via the phone and didn't get to see them.
I replied I did not feel comfortable doing that, though they were very pretty, that how would I explain the reasoning as to what I did to earn the flowers or why he would get them for me? I then thanked him again and excused myself from the conversation and wished him a nice day.
I honestly just wish he had never sent them or I could just reimburse the cost of the flowers. :( Now I am left feeling like I owe this man something.
I checked to see if he replied to my message and he had not. I most likely offended him and maybe I overreacted, not sure. I just wish people could understand that I mean what I say, I am very private and keep to myself. Posting pictures of flowers a stranger on facebook, who I have only talked to for about a week or so, well that is just not me.
I just recieved some flowers from a person that is a gentlemen I facebook friended. It freaked me out and I had a bit of an anxiety attack. I have to wonder what is wrong with me?
He has asked me out a few times, to which I have told him I am not ready to date and that I am really introverted and shy. He has given me his phone number, to which I told him I was not ready to text or call as I am just content with messaging on facebook. I am really trying to remain friends and not encourage anything and yet be nice when he compliments me, but not encourage any advances. Apparantly I have done something as today he sent flowers. Now I am uncomfortable and though I thanked him for the flowers, told him, I was embarrassed by the gesture and really did not know what to say? He just said, that sometimes a pretty girl deserves pretty flowers. Then he asked if I minded posting the flowers as he ordered them via the phone and didn't get to see them.
I replied I did not feel comfortable doing that, though they were very pretty, that how would I explain the reasoning as to what I did to earn the flowers or why he would get them for me? I then thanked him again and excused myself from the conversation and wished him a nice day.
I honestly just wish he had never sent them or I could just reimburse the cost of the flowers. :( Now I am left feeling like I owe this man something.
I checked to see if he replied to my message and he had not. I most likely offended him and maybe I overreacted, not sure. I just wish people could understand that I mean what I say, I am very private and keep to myself. Posting pictures of flowers a stranger on facebook, who I have only talked to for about a week or so, well that is just not me.
Do you know this guy in real life?
How did he get your address?
It may just be that he is trying to be nice but he's making you uncomfortable so I would stop talking to him - you do not need to be in a situation where you feel like you offended someone for not wanting to do something that distressed you - it's great that you were speaking up for yourself all of these times but he's not listening, You don't owe him anything - he owes you respect.
You deserve respect.
You deserve to be listened to,
Don't worry about him responding and he has no right to be offended - F- him - unfriend him.
Trust you gut!!!!!
Who cares if you've offended him!!!!
You have no obligation to this person.
Unfriend him.
He's getting too much time
in your head. EVICT HIM!!!!!!!!!!
You are not responsible for his choice and you do not owe him anything. If someone does something for you, particularly if it's unsolicited, that does not create an obligation on you. It can't - but that's what abusers do ALL the time. I'm not saying this guy is an abuser, but that you have been trained to accept that if anyone does anything for you or gives you anything, you now owe them. You don't. It's a hard one to get your head around when you've been taught it for as long as you can remember (believe me, I know - I even "owed" my mother for feeding and clothing me as a child, even for her choosing to have me). But it's true. Nobody can create an obligation on you without your agreement.
Those that didn't I just defriended them.
I've met one guy who has been very patient, I've purposely made him wait for everything. I do know him (I've met him in the past) I made him wait for my number, wait for us to meet. We've never gone any further than friends and every time he's said he's happy to wait and if we just stay friends then that's ok as well. But I can tell u that the difference between a decent person and one that's all about themselves is very obvious (only now because I'm experiencing it)
If a man was to keep pushing me and pushing me I personally would stay clear of him.
Look you've come too far (even if u don't realise it yet) to give your freedom (abuse free life as u say) away to anyone!!!
This can be a time for u to experience what boundaries are!
Once I was talking to a guy who seemed nice. He seemed patient so I said he could meet me. Then I changed my mind because I wasn't ready so I told him straight, said I wasn't ready and that I had been used before by a guy off fb and I needed to heal. He then started saying that if we had sex he wouldn't use me, to which I told him it was inappropriate to talk about sex and that it was off putting.
Then he said he hoped we would have sex and he would love me etc and treat me right. In the end I asked him to give me some space, the guy constantly messaged me, I ignored him and then one day I just got fed up, I said "I've asked u for space and you've broken that boundary every time you've messaged me therefore I am left with no choice but to block u!"
He asked me not to and asked me if he could just say one more thing before I did. I never gave him that chance to say one more thing to me I just blocked him.
This man that keeps over stepping your boundaries that u keep having to put back into place, your not gonna date him, he won't be significant in your life, so don't feel bad for blocking him.
He's not respecting you!
If you are ok on FB except for this guy, you can unfriend him and block him & stay on FB. If you are uncomfortable w/FB altogether, they by all means deactivate your acct. You can always activate it later or create a new page under a different user name.
If you stay on FB as you are now, you can make your profile private so that only your current friends can see anything. You can always change your public profile picture to something non-identifying as well.
You NEVER EVER have to accept or keep friends you don't feel comfortable with and you certainly don't owe them an explanation for anything.
If it were me, I would also have a conversation w/my friend and ask her not to divulge anything about me to anyone w/o my explicit permission BEFORE hand.