Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Don't understand how they do it

supportplease
supportplease
My sister who is in a verbally abusive marriage has changed the way she acts towards her husband. Instead of ignoring his nastiness, she tells him each time he says something that offends her. The result? The husband gets mad at her saying "here you go again....leave it alone....every day you bring it up again."

It is remarkable that a man who has been nasty, insulting, cursing, disrespectful.....and did as he pleased, now has the nerve to get mad when my sister lets him know that it upsets her!

How can verbally abusive people live with themselves?
tink22
tink22
they are selfish, nasty people that only care about themsevles!!!! they feel that the world owes them.... I am sorry your sister is in this situation it must be hard for you to see your sister hurt this way!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Because they do not think like we non abusers do.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Exactly Roseincall, they do NOT think like non abusers. They JUSTIFY everything to themselves and mostly always will.........
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wish I could say good for her, but I tried that approach with my ex and it only got worse till I became completly numb because he used the same tactics as your sisters husband did but then mine would not quit and kept telling me how stupid and worthless I was.

How they live with themselves...

Well because they dont think of others feelings or of them ever doing anyting wrong! So in their mind they have done nothing wrong so there is nothig to live with themselves about at all! That is how they do it!

I wish your sister would take the strength that she has right now and use it to ge herself away from him! That is what she should be doing. She will not be able to fix him by telling him what he is doing wrong because they have no ability to see that. So instead of trying to fix what cant be fised she should just leave.
supportplease
supportplease
I think it's my sister's way of standing up to him by letting him know, each and every time, that what her husband does is NOT acceptable and she will no longer let him get away with it by acting as tho it didn't happen.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i agree with what everyone said and when i started saying what i wanted it got turned around on me-what was my problem etc.etc. etc.this man i live with will insult anybody but god forbid someone looks at him the wrong way or says something negative-sick sick man
queenvalerie
queenvalerie
They can live with themselves because they don't think they are wrong. Every time your sister speaks up for herself, he is convinced she's a bitch and that she is wrong and and she is abusing HIM. I sincerely wish I had better news for you, but until your sisters gets herself out of this relationship it's not going to stop. It only gets worse. His abuse will escalate the more she verbally engages him. She may well think she's standing up for herself, but all she's actually doing is giving him ammunition for the future. This is a man who has done this for so long to his family that he's a pro at it. Abusers do not think like normal people and it's a mistake to think that they can be reasoned with or to think that we can somehow see logic in their actions.

Your sister genuinely needs to grab her clothes, grab her kids and run for her life. I know she wants to stay another 2 years for personal reasons, but she may not have much of her true self left at the end of another 2 years of this.