Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Don't know what to say!

supportplease
supportplease
How would you advise me to help my neice who is having a really hard time getting over her boyfriend of 3 years. They were high school sweethearts. My major concern is that she latched onto him and always felt unsure of herself in the relationship...if he didn't call her she called many times. I should add that he was EXTREMELY good looking (is a model and actor) and my neice was worried about other girls altho I think he was true to her.

Their relationship was not even because he was always right and he never listened to her point of view and he belittled her. He was extremely confident and is an only child and is adored by his parents and has been told all his life how wonderful he is.

My neice is not too sure of herself and was always the one to give in in the relationship. My neice cries for him (it's been almost a year) and says she wants him back.

I want to help my neice move on but whenever I try to talk to her she gets mad...I never say the right thing!
deleted_user
deleted_user
theres nothing you can do until she relizes herself that shes better of without him, im going through something simlar and its hard its when you get loney you only think of the good times you forget the bad, BUT if she got back within days it would go back to how it was, she needs to build her self essteem back up see if you can encourage to join some clubs etc...
supportplease
supportplease
I guess the best thing to do is for her to keep busy. She feels like she wants a boyfriend (I think she feels she needs a guy in her life always)and that is her goal but probably not what's best for her now.
queenvalerie
queenvalerie
She has learned this level from insecurity from your sister who is in an abusive relationship. She sees the obsessive form of love as demonstrated by her father as normal. She tolerated his actions, as controlling as they were, because she has grown up seeing it as the way a relationship works.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. You probably are saying the exactly correct thing, but she does not want to hear it. Try to not talk about him at all. Do not frame your comments in the "no matter what he said" scenerio. Let her know she is loved and loving. That she is young and attractive and that the world is her oyster. Keep her busy but try not to let her know that's what you are doing, otherwise she is going to feel "managed". For all the conversations here regarding your sister, I must admit that we know next to nothing about you. Are you married or in a relationship? If you feel that your relationship is a healthy one then talk to her about why it's that way. Try not to say "This is why my relationship is healthy and your's wasn't.." just say "this is why my relationship is healthy.." I think she will learn much better by example than explanation.

Good luck.