Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I seriously don't know how to regain self esteem after childhood abuse and 15 year abusive relationship. I don't know how to not think everything is my fault.
It seems funny cause everyone sees me as controlling but its not like that. I feel like everything is my fault and will end up my fault so if I work extra hard ALL THE TIME...maybe I can fix it. I end up doing too much and over promising and failing.
I think I'm intelligent, but for some reason I cannot make myself have a verbal opinion. I can't just spit my thoughts out. I'm constantly thinking...I should've said this or that. Its affecting my current relationship. There are things bothering me and I just hold them in. I can't talk about them. I only say what I think someone wants to hear.
And when anyone talks to me about things I screwed up on....especially my fianc I just look down unable to respond. I can't make friends, I can't seem to feel good about myself. I'm just starting to think it will never get any better. Like scars that won't heal.
It seems funny cause everyone sees me as controlling but its not like that. I feel like everything is my fault and will end up my fault so if I work extra hard ALL THE TIME...maybe I can fix it. I end up doing too much and over promising and failing.
I think I'm intelligent, but for some reason I cannot make myself have a verbal opinion. I can't just spit my thoughts out. I'm constantly thinking...I should've said this or that. Its affecting my current relationship. There are things bothering me and I just hold them in. I can't talk about them. I only say what I think someone wants to hear.
And when anyone talks to me about things I screwed up on....especially my fianc I just look down unable to respond. I can't make friends, I can't seem to feel good about myself. I'm just starting to think it will never get any better. Like scars that won't heal.
Healing is a process. Love yourself by giving yourself the gift of healing & whatever time it takes to do that.
I also suffered from childhood issues and it has affected me to this day. While my last abusive relationship was only about 2 years on and off, I have had others that were about that length or a bit less and each has wore me down and jaded me.
I have forgotten what healthy is, that is if I ever really knew it in the first place. I tend to date controllive, manipulative, abusive addicts (alcholic or drugs) and I feel that stems from growing up as the child of an alcoholic. It is almost as if I am trying to fix the situation of years ago and each time I fail, I get more and more anti-social, lose esteem, and at the current time, am even afraid to date.
I guess it works ok as I am working on me. Just sad that so much of my life has been trying to "fix" others, when I should be working on me.
I hope you start putting yourself first and healing...hugs.
to both MTC
and Joanie.
Recovery from abuse
requires:
Guidance
Support
Treatment
Commitment
and Time
And it can be done.
You can start by
visiting the nearest
women's resource center.
They will either help you there
or direct you to a clinician
with a specialty in
recovery from abuse.
That would be a beingging.
Then focuse your energy
on building healthy boundaries
and practicing meticulous and
consistent
SELF-CARE.
Sending you hugs
and healing thoughts.